Desperate for a baby

Former Member

Wasn't sure if I should put this in here or sex & relationships... but thought it'd fit better here. Please move it if needed.

Basically... I am desperate for a baby. And before anyone says "you're too young/unstable/on drugs" I know that. Which is why I have the implant. But having the implant doesn't stop me wanting a child, just stops me having one.

I've wanted a baby for as long as I can remember... all I've ever wanted to do was be a mum. Now, one of my best friends is 15 weeks pregnant and another friend had a baby in October. I'm so jealous, I look at their bump and baby photos and cry. It's physically hurting me that I don't have what they have.

There's been a couple of occasions where I think I've had a chemical pregnancy, and it just destroyed me. I know having a child is insanely hard work, but it doesn't put me off at all. I've bought baby grows and socks, and even a blanket... just so I can pretend for a few minutes that I'm having a baby while I talk to the shop assistant. I even stand in the mirror and puff my stomach out

It's not normal to want a baby this much. It's getting in the way of my every day life. Even going to the shops, and seeing someone with a baby makes me feel so jealous and upset. I don't know how to get over this, it sounds pathetic when I read it all back, but I just long for a baby so much... I don't know what to do

Former Member

yes its normal. Its just called being broody and it will probably happen many times over the course of your life. Sometimes it will be less convenient than others. I first got really broody about the age of 17. Its like a madness. Would look through baby catalogues and cry It just felt like a need.
I got past it. it went away quite a lot when I got a pet to care for and focus on. Sometimes you just need something to love that needs you. Its also a major hormone surge. Its pretty much the strongest biological instinct, to reproduce.
Its probably wise to try and see if it passes before you make any major decisions, but you certainly arent abnormal for feeling this. I think youre sensible that you do have contraception for now though, as it is such a major life altering thing that it is very hard to be prepared for, even when you feel ready

Former Member

SuzyCreamcheese wrote: »

yes its normal. Its just called being broody and it will probably happen many times over the course of your life. Sometimes it will be less convenient than others. I first got really broody about the age of 17. Its like a madness. Would look through baby catalogues and cry It just felt like a need.
I got past it. it went away quite a lot when I got a pet to care for and focus on. Sometimes you just need something to love that needs you. Its also a major hormone surge. Its pretty much the strongest biological instinct, to reproduce.
Its probably wise to try and see if it passes before you make any major decisions, but you certainly arent abnormal for feeling this. I think youre sensible that you do have contraception for now though, as it is such a major life altering thing that it is very hard to be prepared for, even when you feel ready

Thanks for your reply Suzy, it's really reassuring to know it isn't just me. I've spoken to my girl friends about it, and although they all say they wouldn't mind a baby none of them are as obsessed with it as me. The two girls I know with babies the pregnancy's weren't planned.

I've been like this for years.. I think I just started puberty so long ago (had my periods aged 9) it kinda feels like I should be having a baby now... where as girls who started later probably wouldn't feel this strongly about it for another few years I guess.

I've got 5 pets, youngest is a 10 month old jackachoo puppy... it is nice having him to love and look after but it just doesn't fill the void!

Former Member

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080329122638AAigMSj

I do feel for you. Its a really intense thing to go through. Hormones are mental things. Theyre the bane of my life.

Im not going to advise you what to do as theres no point.
Have you thought about doing some voluntary work with children?

Former Member

Thanks for the link I've looked for voluntary work before, but because I'm not quite 16 nurseries etc. aren't insured to let you volunteer there. There is a thing in the summer holidays where you can volunteer for a week helping taking disabled children on outings, so hopefully I'll get a place on that this year.

I'm just going to have to try and live with this I guess until I'm in a position where I could comfortably bring up a child!

Former Member

Speaking as a mother, who also has struggles with my mental health though, id just warn you that sometimes the need and the biological desire to get pregnant isnt always the best indicator of how well youd deal with it. Youre probably well aware of that.
Saying that, that might not be any different no matter how old you are, but I really think by reading your posts you will actually make a fantastic mother one day. I hope for YOUR sake, its not too soon. Not for the babys sake, because I dont think the baby would suffer at all because youre an intelligent girl, and emotionally intelligent too, but for yours, because its really hard, and id really like you to get yourself sorted first before you start lumbering yourself with such a huge responsibility that will make your life a hundred times more complicated.

Former Member

That was the main reason for getting the implant really, because as much as I want a baby I don't want to ever put my child at risk because of my mental health problems and at the moment I still experience psychotic episodes/panic attacks more frequently than I'd like if I had a child to look after. Also the police case about the abuse I experienced has just been re-opened as another girl is now willing to give a statement. I have no idea how long it'll go on for, and I wouldn't want to be pregnant with the stress of that, not good for a baby!

With the implant it isn't easy for me to just stop using it, like it would be the pill. I know with the pill I'd just be tempted to stop taking it, but to get the implant out I have to go to the clinic to discuss it, and then book an appointment to have it removed! Not as simple as neglecting to take the pill. I feel like I'm doing quite well being sensible with it all, but it still doesn't stop me wishing the next few years would hurry up!

Former Member

Also because of your age coupled with your issues, youd have social services watching your every bloody move, and that would soon take the shine off things. Id certainly wait.
As I said, I feel for you. Youre welcome to come and watch my kids for a while if you need putting off the idea a bit more

Former Member

Accipiter wrote: »

My sister has a job working with disabled children. She says it is very rewarding but she also pointed out that I would be awful because you require the patience of a saint and a lot of empathy. I am patient and have a lot of empathy, but only when working with animals, the rest of the time I am a stroppy, temperamental cow :razz:

Good luck with the children! My sister says it is the most satisfying thing she has ever done.

Haha! Animals can be just as difficult to look after as children sometimes in my experience... especially when they decided to run into the road every time you open the front door!

And, Suzy, thank you so much for all your replies I feel a lot more calm about it all now, and not like I'm going totally insane!

Former Member

Emptied! Sorry about that!

Former Member

I know exactly how you feel - I had a miscarrige at 17, and although it was possibly for the best I still mourn for that little one. Its not just have someone to love who loves you back its also about the security that brings. I don't think volunteering and just being around kids really helps - not that it makes things worse but its never going to forfil the urge. I'm 23 now and broodiness seems to come in phases - right now I'm fairly broody but I'm not overly hormonal about it like I have been in the past. I sometimes see someone with their kids and get upset because I want to have my own family, and no one wants to wait! But I think sometimes the best policy is to just think about how lovely it will be when it does happen, and what you can do to look after (maybe mothing is the right word here) yourself so that you it could become a possiblity in the future.

Big hugs girly

Former Member

Agree with SCC that you'll be a great mum when the time comes I went through patches of being broody too but looking back it was when I was feeling lonely. It's scary to think that I could be pretty much chained to someone I dated when I was 15 for life had I done what he suggested and became pregnant by him. You'll know when the situation feels right because you owe it to yourself to be picky about your circumstance and the man you're with as I really believe you have a lot of good things to come BA. *hug*

Former Member

Thanks Miss_Riot The thought of looking down and seeing my own child in my arms is the most beautiful thing in the world to me, I can't even really explain it. It doesn't help either that me and my best friend who is now pregnant always planned to have our kids around the same time!

I guess there's no way out of this broodiness really... just going to have to sit it out. Maybe I'll get myself one of those baby dolls they give out in college that cry constantly to put me off

Former Member

clementine_the_tangerine wrote: »

Agree with SCC that you'll be a great mum when the time comes I went through patches of being broody too but looking back it was when I was feeling lonely. It's scary to think that I could be pretty much chained to someone I dated when I was 15 for life had I done what he suggested and became pregnant by him. You'll know when the situation feels right because you owe it to yourself to be picky about your circumstance and the man you're with as I really believe you have a lot of good things to come BA. *hug*

Thanks Clem that really means a lot.

Former Member

Broken-Angel wrote: »

I guess there's no way out of this broodiness really... just going to have to sit it out. Maybe I'll get myself one of those baby dolls they give out in college that cry constantly to put me off

Ha! Me and Mr riot went out for lunch for the first time since we got the kitten and we said it was a bit like we'd left the kids at home. She's enough to make me want to leave it a bit longer!

Former Member

god i think id throw one of those dolls in the bin

Former Member

SuzyCreamcheese wrote: »

I hope for YOUR sake, its not too soon. Not for the babys sake, because I dont think the baby would suffer at all because youre an intelligent girl, and emotionally intelligent too, but for yours, because its really hard, and id really like you to get yourself sorted first before you start lumbering yourself with such a huge responsibility that will make your life a hundred times more complicated.

SCC is my hero today. Basically everything she said, but particularly this.

Having babies young is not necessarily a bad idea for the baby - all babies really want is to be warm and fed and loved, and I don't doubt that many young teenagers could do that for them. Having babies young is a bad idea for you. Being a teenager, and even a twentysomething, should be about finding out who you are, having fun, doing stupid (reversible) things - generally being free.

You are not just having a baby, you are having a testing toddler, a needy school-age child, a hormonal teenager and then an adult who is with you for life. That's a huge, huge commitment. Your life, your body, your mind - none of it will ever be the same again. Make sure you have lived enough of your life before you start someone else's!

Former Member

Thank you Kaff

I guess there's not going to be any easy fix to this broodiness! Maybe I'll just have to buy my dog another outfit...

Former Member

I used to go to Pets at Home and look at the bunnies

Former Member

I don't know if it makes it easier or harder to deal with that you're the right sex - knowing that you will be able to at some point against having to cope with not now.

Personally I'd suggest cats as a baby substitute, they ignore what you say and never acknowledge having done something wrong.