Relapse...

Former Member

So had a relapse I almost managed 2 weeks without self harming and then I screwed it up and I know in ways I shouldn't be mad at myself because it was a big goal to stop completely... but then I am mad at myself for it cos I should have ignored the urges and it means I'm back to square one and have basically got no where... the days that I did manage are pointless now because I didn't manage to stop at all

grrrr so annoyed :crying: wish i could just stop and not screw it up again

Former Member

Hi LuckyStarr :wave:

Don't be so hard on yourself, just don't let it drag you down, it's a blip dust yourself down and get back on track with your focus *hug*

Keep posting and be proud for the 2 weeks you've achieved,

dp

Aurora

Hello LuckyStarr,

I adore your user name, a massive well done for being able to post a bit about what's going on for you at the moment, it sounds as though things are quiet difficult! Going at the most 2 weeks without self harming is amazing Lucky, and something that you should be very proud of yourself for, going a day without self harm, can be a massive struggle, but were here for you *hug*

When going through self harm recovery, or what ever, you will have to deal with relapses, and things that will bring you down, it doesn't happen instantly, you have to give it time, it's a difficult process, but one, nobody has to deal with alone, including you, I myself have found when trying to stop self harming, that I do have days, where I feel the urge is almost to strong, but by using skills as Mindfulness and distractions, I can avoid that.

Have you checked out TheSite.org's page on Coping Tips and Distractions, I've found sticking to those activities quiet difficult at first, and often noticed, if I do to much of the same activity, that it doesn't work as well as it used to, but TheSite.org's page shows a varied amount of things you can do...I quiet like the Elastic band and Ice Cube trick, have you ever tried that?

You honestly haven't screwed up at all, you're just struggling and were here to support you, keep posting and keep us updated on how you're doing, *hug*'s!

Angel

Former Member

I guess it is kind of an achievement... but then when I think about how I could have avoided it, and if I'd properly tried I could still be on the way to stopping then it feels like I failed...

I know I do set out this goal of just stopping, no relapses, no giving in to the urges, for it to be a 'perfect' recovery, and I also know that's rather unrealistic... but I still get annoyed at myself for not sticking to the perfect recovery

Yeah I also find that if I stay to one distraction it stops working after a while angel, but have also tried many distractions that when I am in the negative mood I think there's no point trying it again cos it stopped working before... but I have tried the ice and eladtic band distractions - the ice has worked previously (so I do need to try it again I think) but the elastic bands are no outta option because it just became another way to s/h for me...

Thank you for your feedback and support everyone *hug*

Aurora

Hello again LuckyStarr,

It's actually quiet common not wanting to do anything or listen to anyone while in a negative mood, and it is quiet difficult to actually engage is 'Coping tips and distractions' you've taken a massive step reaching out for support on here, so you should be very proud of yourself, have you ever opened up about how you feel to your Doctor? Your Doctor will be able to refer you in to therapy, who can work with you, on your self harm, and with time, slowly look for ways to decrease that behaviour, what do you get out of Self harm?

You haven't failed at all LuckyStarr, you are just struggling at the moment, but once again, a massive well done for reaching out for support on here, you should be very proud of yourself, it takes a massive step opening up about personal issues. You could of 'tried' - But the events happened and gone, you can't go back, I guess it's telling yourself it's happened, and getting back up and using the support you have around you!

It's good to you realize you set 'Unrealistic' goals, it sounds as though you put a lot of pressure on yourself to recover, which I can only imagine would make you more stressed, how about setting goals like, if you go without self harm for a week, you treat yourself, and slowly increase that time, so next time, it would be a week and half, or a 2 weeks, and try keeping to a routine, and reward yourself, do you find it useful talking to people?

Can I ask, how old you are? I'm glad you've realized that the ice cube trick works for you, and it's AMAZING to hear you are considering, trying it again, that's positive to hear, I'm proud of you It also sounds as though you are going to try other coping tips and distractions, which again, is positive to hear, maybe you could do a bit of Mindfulness, I mind mindfulness quiet useful when I'm feeling negative, because it helps you to relax...Check out this YouTueb Video, on Progressive Muscle Relaxation, do keep me updatd on how things are going for you!

Angel

**helen**

Hey LuckyStarr,
Just wanted to echo what others have said about how well you've been doing - and equally, that it's positive you've felt able to come here and talk about how you're feeling when things haven't quite gone to plan.

Whenever we decide to stop doing having something in our lives, there is an uncomfortable gap that really does take a long time to fill fully. There's also a sense that you want to stop self-harming because you know that whatever you feel when you have urges isn't being resolved fully when you self-harm - it might help you to feel calmer or more in control, but perhaps deep down, that thing is still there and lingers on? Are you able to identify the feelings you're having when these urges occur?

You mentioned in another thread you have a counsellor who you've not been able to trust - is that still the case? Do you know what it is about him that is making you feel wary? Or maybe you're worried about what might happen if you do say everything that's on your mind? Feel free to share some of these thoughts and feelings here if you think it might help.

Our self-harm experts at TheSite say that the distraction is more likely to work if it relates to the feelings you have when the urge occurs...For example, if you're feeling anger/frustration, then punching pillows, snapping elastic bands, shouting into something knowing you won't be heard, going for a run or doing other high intensity exercise could help to release some of the anger and thus reduce the urges. In contrast, if you're feeling lonely/isolated (for example) then activity that relates to treating yourself or reaching out to people may be the thing that works - for example, texting a friend, writing a letter to someone special, having a bubble bath, going to the shop to get a bar of choccie or a magazine - that kind of thing... There are lots more examples like this, so if you're able to start to identify the feelings you're having, we might be able to suggest some related distractions.

Keep us posted. :thumb:

Former Member

Starting to get to the point where I give up... basically fallen out with everyone I know, don't trust anyone, I don't wanna be in stupid counselling anymore, I just want to be normal, i just want to be without the problems but I can't deal with fighting anything anymore...

I did go to the doctors a few years ago, was made to when my school found out about my self harm, but they were useless... I only got 6 weeks of counselling because I asked for it, he didn't want to do anything for it. So i'm not gonna go back to the doctors any time soon and I'm 16 Angel, so this is all bad timing really... everything's going downhill as the stress of exams have begun...

**helen** - yeah i still dont trust my counsellor at the moment, and to be honest even I don't know how he can prove that he won't screw me over and let me down, and that is the reason I don't trust him, cos pretty much everyone has let me down or given up on me in the end and I'd rather push him away than have him doing that to me, and after 2 years of talking to him now I should really trust him... but I don't trust anyone now...

I know I'm being a pain with all this... sorry

Former Member

Hey LuckyStarr

Please don't apologise for posting your thoughts, that's exactly what these boards are for :thumb:

If you're struggling to have a useful conversation with your counsellor then please feel like you can use these boards to open up and talk about how you're feeling instead.

Have you ever used our chat sessions? You might find it useful to talk in real time to others about what's going on. They are all listed in the following forum and we run support chat and general chats:

http://vbulletin.thesite.org/forumdisplay.php/144-Announcements

*hug*

Former Member

Hey,

I'll definitely try to come into chat when I'm able to thanks

Got school report back today... passing everything but the teachers put whether or not they reccomend u to do the subject at sixth form or not, and I'm currently getting a C in geography and have applied to do it at A level yet now my teacher has put no on the reccomendation for doing it at sixth form and at first I was a bit annoyed because I do try hard in it and am passing and now maybe he's right thats im not good enough to do it and now everything's just adding up to more and more reasons for why I should just give up