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I just want to be me again.
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I don't know about anyone else but I used to be so happy, now every day I wake up and wander why God didn't let me die in my sleep. I wake up and I grab a blade and I make a cut somewhere else on my body. I wake up and I wish I didn't and I want to just be the me that saw the blessing in every day, that saw the good in every bad, that saw the glimmer in every darkness. I'm not me but I loved me, I hate who I am now because she doesn't have any confidence, she hates herself and she thinks everyone else does too. She gets too angry about stupid things and I know how good I am but I just can't get out from this shell she's created around me. I miss my friends and I miss laughing. I was pretty good at singing but I don't do that anymore cos it makes me happy and she doesn't want me to be happy. All she wants to do is make me hurt and it's so frustrating. I just want help.....
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I don't know if i can give you any advice because i'm not good myself
When i was in primary school i was a happy child i had everything i had friends too but in secondary school everything changed i was bullied and i could see people whispering to each other and laughing and i taught that they were laughing at me and i still believe that.That i started breaking down my confidence is at the bottom now and i started losing my friends. Now i can't remember who that kid was, she was happy and cheerful and she could make her friends laugh.
Now all i do everyday is put on a fake smile for everyone else. I s/h and i can't stop doing it. I have no friends and i can't talk to my family.
You made the right choice in coming here, i find it really helping and i made friends too.
Hope your feeling better *hug* i'm here if you wanna talk, i will help you where i can because i'm really messed up too.
I'm really glad you found TheSite and that you feel able to talk to us about what's going on *hug*
You mention that you used to be so happy and now you're not - is this a general feeling or has anything happened to make you feel this way? You say you miss your friends - has something happened, like a fall out with them - or have you just drifted away? Sometimes events can trigger these feelings of depression, other times it's something more clinical, but either way it would be a really positive step if you were able to talk to someone as soon as possible to start getting some help.
I know it must sound scary, but have you thought about telling a doctor or a teacher or even a relative you trust? It doesn't have to be your parents, but if there's another adult you feel comfortable with then it could really help you to talk to them.
If this all sounds like a huge leap then you could also try Childline. They have lots of different ways for you to contact them, so if you don't feel able to talk you can write it in an email or on their message boards.
But please don't stop coming here - as you can see, lots of people understand and can help and support you.
Take care
Spanner
their used to be so much to look forward too.. so much excitement in life.. etc etc, but now it's like- what's the point?
what am i doing even here still- my mental health's a mess, my body is a mess, i've no life goals.... hello?
when i signed up, that was my intention.. however it seems i'm taking quite a liking to the travel section- evenm though most of my posts in their are entertainment based.
lol
how are you feeling today chesebob
hmmm...
currently i have rock music on, and a packet of hot spicy crisps- feeling pretty good too.
on for a while before i get to watch family guy.. love that
i don't get it..
we all need people like that.
even if it's just 1 person
glad she's their for you