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Self Harm, My story
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok, so hi my name is Clara and Im a 16 years old girl. I live in the UK. And I wanted to write this thread on this website to see if anyone could help or give me some advice for me. Or I could give advice to other people who are self harming possibly.
It all began a few weeks ago when I think I started to have very depressing thoughts and was upset whenever I got home because I got so tired of smiling and trying to be happy in school. I was being depressed because I didn't like one part of my body and that I knew I was fat and ugly and was never going to be perfect.
One of the days that week I got home and I literally cried the whole night but the worse thing that happened was that I started self harming. I was such an alien feeling to me but helped with my emotional pain so I carried on until I got too tired and fell asleep.
The next morning I realised what I had actually done and hated myself for cutting myself and so I was extremely upset that day.
By the time I got home from school that day, I couldn't cope and cut myself again. But regretted it again as well after.
A few days after I told my closest friend what I had been doing and she completely understood because she had been through it herself and she still is unfortunately
We help each other to not be tempted each night and try to distract ourselves by doing anything else.
And now I am 3 days clean of not doing it, iv'e chucked away all my blades, I distract myself every night even if it means I do homework it's something!
I hope I dont go back there because I know that it is an addiction and I have been tempted but I just say to myself "Clara, It doesn't help with your depression! It makes it worse!"
I still think that I am not pretty, beautiful, wonderful, amazing, perfect. I think that I am worthless, imperfect, ugly, fat, ungrateful, horrible and probably so many other people who are going through depression are thinking they are all of those things. But you are not! You are so beautiful! You just don't realise it!
If your self harming and you haven't told someone, PLEASE TELL SOMEONE NOW!! because believe me all that stuff about that it makes you feel better, IT REALLY DOES!
Even though I haven't told one of my parents or family I have told one friend which made a BIG difference!
Yours Faithfully
Clara
It all began a few weeks ago when I think I started to have very depressing thoughts and was upset whenever I got home because I got so tired of smiling and trying to be happy in school. I was being depressed because I didn't like one part of my body and that I knew I was fat and ugly and was never going to be perfect.
One of the days that week I got home and I literally cried the whole night but the worse thing that happened was that I started self harming. I was such an alien feeling to me but helped with my emotional pain so I carried on until I got too tired and fell asleep.
The next morning I realised what I had actually done and hated myself for cutting myself and so I was extremely upset that day.
By the time I got home from school that day, I couldn't cope and cut myself again. But regretted it again as well after.
A few days after I told my closest friend what I had been doing and she completely understood because she had been through it herself and she still is unfortunately
We help each other to not be tempted each night and try to distract ourselves by doing anything else.
And now I am 3 days clean of not doing it, iv'e chucked away all my blades, I distract myself every night even if it means I do homework it's something!
I hope I dont go back there because I know that it is an addiction and I have been tempted but I just say to myself "Clara, It doesn't help with your depression! It makes it worse!"
I still think that I am not pretty, beautiful, wonderful, amazing, perfect. I think that I am worthless, imperfect, ugly, fat, ungrateful, horrible and probably so many other people who are going through depression are thinking they are all of those things. But you are not! You are so beautiful! You just don't realise it!
If your self harming and you haven't told someone, PLEASE TELL SOMEONE NOW!! because believe me all that stuff about that it makes you feel better, IT REALLY DOES!
Even though I haven't told one of my parents or family I have told one friend which made a BIG difference!
Yours Faithfully
Clara
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Comments
Welcome to TheSite.org boards, wow! You should be very proud of yourself, you've taken a brave step telling us a bit about your self harm journey, and you took an amazing step by telling a friend close to you, have you thought about getting more support with your self harm though?
Have you checked out a few of the articles on TheSite.org about Self harm, and through the Coping Tips and Distractions page, which maybe, you could also show your friend?
Once again, a massive well done for coming out about your self harm, to keep us updated on how things are going
*hug*