family sucks

Former Member

i get along with my parents sometimes, but about 2 months ago, we got in this huge fight, about all the things that they do that isn't good parenting for me. how they run my life on religion, dress code, where and when i can go places ect. i've told them i wanted to move out hundreds of times before and of course bucause i'm only 17 they don't let me. now after that fight they have held this huge grudge, everything that we used to do, they just ignore it, they ignore me and everything i do. i try to talk to them but they dont' listen and walk away, i hate it and i hate them (even more than i did before considering that i never really was one with my family) any ideas?
thanks

Former Member

There is not alot i can say about this apart from the fact you have both had 2 months after this argument to try and talk about it. You said you argued and therfore didnt reallt talk about it like adults. You want to move out and be treated with a little more rtespect to do things, maybe you should have sat them down and said to them that you have felt a little uncomfortable etc...... and you would like a little more freedom.

Now that this is out in the open i think you should try writing down a few of your families good points (believe me there are a few) Then when you feel ready you could write them a letter but i would suggest that you all sit down and explain you want to TALK without shouting and try to get your point through to them. They sound as though they care about you and dont want you to make mistakes this is a good point to say. back up your arguments and never shout if they see that you are mature enough to communicate then they may be different.

Hope all goes well

If you need additional advise PM me and i will try to help.

GOODLUCK

*DEVIL*

Former Member

I sympathise with you.

But,isn`t moving out at 17 a little bit soon?? You wouldn`t believe how tough and isolated it feels at times without them,I hated it at first.Unbelieveable how much of a security / reassuring barrier they are to you until they are gone at times.

But as you said,your 17,you should be completely in control of your life by now,and parents should be there for you,but not controlling your life.
However,the shouting screaming huge fight defiance approach to telling them to let go is usually very effective at causing problems.

My parents used to be really nosey..(still are when I see them..bless `em:)),but I found the keep yourself to yourself approach,working on one of their hangups at a time did me rather well.
The easiest thing to work on is them controlling where you go..this ones easy,get out there,go where you want to,but inform them where you are (at first) by sending them a text message or phoning..ie i`m at a nightclub,going to bar,then pub,will be back at midnight,have a nice evening etc etc.
It works well,builds up alotof trust,as I think most parents have worries about the safety of where their kids are,and if you`ve told them where you are (even if only a rough idea) they know where you are in the case of an emergency.

Once this is sorted out,the rest becomes alot easier,as the time when your parents have least control over you is when your not about,and if they feel safe and at ease when your out and about,your displying the relevant amount of maturity / responsibility,things will get easier.

Former Member

getting on with the olds

Former Member

You sound like a bright person...if your relationship was good withthem before perhaps you should be an adult and talk to them?
Ask them if thee's a problem, ask them if you have upset them, tell them you'd like to talk it over.

If they see you being so reasonable they may just appreciate it!

Former Member

welcome to my life
:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

Former Member

I couldn't stand my mum(very controlling, lots of betrayal, played with my emotions). All we did was argue my last few years with her. And I was a straight A student who never got into any kind of trouble. I moved as far away as possible without actually leaving the country when I was 17. The first year, I'd email her about once a month to let her know how I was. The second year, I'd call her about once a month. Now I call her at least once a week. Although I wouldn't be able to live with her again, I really do miss her now. It's harder than you can ever imagine being on your own...rent, food, healthcare, bills, school bills. That's not including any sort of social life either.

I've always had to work hard for everything. I started working when I was 12 (the only thing she provided was food and shelter, I was responsible for the rest) and did all the household chores since I was 7. But you know what, I'm completely independent and ready for the real world (I've got 2yrs left at uni before I actually have to face it, thank goodness). My mum also taught me manners, respect, morals, etc. All the stuff I learned from her will take me far in life.

My advice is to suck it up, hard as it is, and realise that you do appreciate so much of what they do for you. You'll be on your own soon enough.