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First time sex (sort of)

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I am probably older than most on here - I had an accident which meant I lost a lot of my 20s. This being kind of odd. I am fully recovered (unexpected). I've just turned 30.

I remember trying to have sex when I was 19 (at uni for undergrad.). This was my (and his) first time and it started to hurt when he began to penetrate. We were both young and he kept losing his erection when it hurt me (made him nervous). We did oral for most the relationship - he said he didn't feel ready for penetration

Any way, as I said I've lost years from my life after an accident. I've just turned 30 (Phd student/bar maid) and got a serious boy friend. We started to have sex, loads of foreplay. When he penetrated me it hurt so bad - complete pain. It was so bad I started to push him off me- we finished our session by other means :love:

Any way, I am seriously worried. I knew it might hurt, but I am surprised that it felt just unbearable. In regard to my Hymen - I've ridden horses all my life. Surely that must have broken years back.

Judgmental comments unwelcome - p.s it's not accident related (the problem).

Any thoughts?


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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    There is a medical condition that can cause severe pain on penetration (i can't remember the exact name and I'm at work so can't really look it up...). There was a poster on here who has suffered from it previously - try a search on the threads to see what comes up and what advice was given then.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think that this might have to do with getting spasms from being nervous - I wasn't nervous at all. I was really looking forward to it. Seriously. I couldn't believe it. I am a bit worried now though and probably will be nervous
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Have you tried using lube? That can help a lot :) worth ago before you start worrying about serious medical conditions.
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    *Holly**Holly* Deactivated Posts: 140 Helping Hand
    Hi Yorkshiregirl and welcome to TheSite :wave:

    I think the condition Purple_roo is referring to is 'Vaginismus', which is a fairly common condition in women and can be treated in a variety of ways. Although it might not be that at all, it's best not to jump to any conclusions until you've had a chat with your doctor.

    There can be all sorts of reasons behind painful intercourse and it is fairly normal for the first couple of times (or even ten or twenty times) to hurt, especially if you're a bit nervous. Being really relaxed and comfortable (and sometimes drunk!) can help,but painful sex still happens to most women at some point so don't worry too much that something is wrong with you just yet. We detail a few of the most common explanations in our article about 'painful sex' here. It might be worth having a read and seeing if anything clicks.

    It may sound massively cringe, but, if you're concerned, have you considered talking to your GP about it? Or your local sexual health clinic? They may be able to talk you through some possible causes.

    It sounds like you have a nice supportive partner which will help :) Do let us know how you're getting on.

    Big hugs
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