Home Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨

Just a fuck buddy? Or more than that?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
So here’s the deal
I’m a 20 year old female college student. I’m not your average girl, I’m very laid back, I play video games(even going to school for computer animation), I have tattoos, and I’m fairly good looking. I love to joke around, and tease and have fun. I also have mostly guy friends because I don’t like the drama most females bring. That’s partly why I’m writing here, to get advise from both a male, and female perspective.
About 3 months ago my friend brought this guy named Scott (also 20, and goes to the same school as me) to a party with us. I was instantly attracted to him the minute I saw him. Exactly my type. We talked a bit at the party, I gave my best smiles, we hugged goodbye at the end of the night, and I thought that would be the end of it. But it turns out that he’s actually good friends with 2 groups of my close friends and I didn’t even know it. I saw him a few times after the party when I would stop by different friends places and we’d say hello. Then, a little over a month ago, I went to a friends party(not a huge party, more like just 10-15 friends hanging out playing beer pong and smoking) and Scott was there. I was already drunk when I got to the party (so some of the details are fuzzy) but I have to say, I was excited to see him there. We flirted a bit until the beer ran out. Then he came up to me asking me to go with him to the store to buy more (I can buy from a liquor store right by my place without an ID). Most of the people at the party were at least 21, so it didn’t make much sense that two of the underage kids were going, but I didn’t care cause I knew it would give us alone time together. I don’t exactly remember what we talked about in the car, but I remember talking about video games, and him talking about how awesome it was that a good looking female plays. And I remember him being really forward, I think he straight up asked me if we could hook up, but I was on my period, so I told him we couldn’t, but he still wanted to come to my place that night. In the parking lot of the liquor store, we started making out. It got intense, I even ended up climbing on his lap in the cramped car. We made out for a pretty long time until we realized we were actually there for alcohol. We made out some more before we got out of the car to go back into the party. We drank and smoked a little bit until the party came to an end, and when we left, he came to my place. Since we couldn’t have sex, I gave him head for a little over an hour until we decided to have anal. After that, we showered together, smoked, and then cuddled and fell asleep. We both woke up pretty early being hung over, so we just laid in bed smoking, half watching tv, half falling back asleep. I gave him head again, and then around noon, he said he had to get going. He kissed me goodbye, and again, I thought that would be the end of it. The next day, I came down with strep throat, so I was sick with a fever/sore throat, which I posted about on facebook. The next weekend, Scott texted me. He asked me if I was feeling better, and if I wanted to come to his place that night. As I saw it, we had unfinished business, and I said okay. His next text said “Bring beer and condoms” (which pretty much outlined his intentions, but that’s what I was expecting anyways.) I went to his place, we had sex a few times, and when we were ready to lay down for bed, he was talking about not feeling well and I told him I could go home instead of staying the night. He ended up saying yes, and I went home. He texted me the next day, asking me how my day was, and asking if I wanted to hang out tomorrow. I said yes again, and went to his place. This time I spent the night. Since then, we hang out almost every other day spending the night at each others places.
Also, I should add that Scott is the “popular” type of guy. He knows he’s good looking, and he’s a partier. And honestly, I didn’t think I’d even grab his attention when we first met. Also, he has me buy alcohol for him sometimes, and give him a hookup on weed. And most of the time, he makes me drive even though he has a car.
But at this point, I’m not really sure what to think? I thought it was going to be a friends-with-benefits type of deal, but now I’m starting to question if that’s all it is. When we first started hanging out, he was a little bit “colder,” but the more we hang out, the more he warms up. Maybe he’s just rough around the edges? Whenever I haven’t seen him for a few days, he tells me he missed me. He calls me “babe” every once in awhile, and he kisses me goodbye every time we leave each other. I rub his back a lot, especially before we go to sleep, and I kiss the back of his neck. And I know he loves it when I do those things, because he’s told me. He even puts his hand on my leg and flirts with me in front of his roommates. But then, we barely do anything outside of the bedroom. I mean, he brought me to smoke at his friends house, and he brought his friends to my place to smoke, but he doesn’t really invite me to the parties he goes to, he just calls me afterwards asking to hang. And honestly, I don’t really know him intimately(As in, I don’t know his favorite food, or his favorite color, about his past relationships, ect.) He doesn’t initially strike me as a relationship type of guy(He’s a 20 year old college guy for fucks sake.) And last weekend, he made a trip back to his home town, and went to a Halloween party, and now there are 2 pictures on facebook of him with some girl that has her arm and hands on him(He didn’t actually put those pictures up, she tagged him. The picture he has on his profile has her cut out of it.) And that’s really what got me thinking. Seeing them didn’t even make me as jealous as I thought(I’m better looking than she was, that might’ve helped lol.) One night he was out until like 3am, he said he was partying with some girls that a friend brought over. When I got there, he had some scratches on his arm, and I asked him what happened, and he said “I don’t know, one of those dumb bitches must’ve scratched me.” My mind immediately jumped to the worst, but if he was having a good time with one of those girls, he wouldn’t have called me over right?
He also graduates in 2 months, while I still have a year left, and I’m pretty sure he’s planning on moving out of state, I’m just not sure how soon. We’ve never talked about any of it, but I think it’s a little early, I don’t want to scare him off, and I’m not even sure if he’d make the right boyfriend. Now I know its only been a month, but I’m curious if there’s possibilities here, or if I’m just getting used. As of now, I’m just going with the flow until I need to do something different. Any insight or advise you guys have for me is appreciated!


  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just pointing out that this is a UK based forum, so with the legal drinking age being 18 over here, I don't think you will get much lecturing about that.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It sounds complicated. I hope you manage to get things sorted out.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just as a friendly point, it was quite difficult for me to get through that without any spaces between paragraphs (even though you have used paragraphs :D) and I know some other people on here who would give good advice will struggle to access your post because of that fact. You may consider just adding in a few line breaks :)

    I'd say that if you are happy with just sleeping with him etc for the moment, then you're not necessarily being used. It's okay to want a sexual relationship with someone without wanting more. However, if you want more and he's just keeping you at that stage - i.e. no commitment, things all on his rules, and keeping you for the sex, that's the point where it starts to become more like using.

    From my point of view, it seems like it's developing, albeit at a slow rate. Why not see how you feel, work out if you want him as a boyf, and then ask his views too?
  • Options
    ReenaReena Posts: 1,375 Wise Owl
    It's a difficult one. Like Purple_roo said, it depends how you feel. If you're happy to continue with things the way they are, then there's no need to say anything.
    But personally I would want to know the guidelines, if we were friends with benefits or just sex. I think it's important to know where you stand whatever the relationship. It might be worth talking to him so you're both clear on the arrangement, otherwise it could just be confusing. xx
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi there PeaceLoveWeed,

    Welcome to the boards :wave:

    It can be tricky sometimes to tell the difference between hanging out as fuck buddies for fun or signs of the beginning of a relationship. Fuck buddies can be fun, but is not for everyone - so if you feel you want more out of this, then perhaps it's not for you.

    The fact that you seem to spend a lot of time together is positive - but like you said perhaps staying at home rather than going out most of the time can seem just sexual. Deciding whether you want to go with the flow and enjoy yourself for now, or whether you want to start a relationship, is the first step. Try to think about what would make you happy rather than what he wants or expects. Perhaps he likes you a lot and is afraid to commit?

    If you are happy to continue like this go for it, otherwise perhaps talking to him about what you want (before he finishes university or up until he finishes) can help this confusion.

    Good luck :)
Sign In or Register to comment.