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Coping with sexual assault

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ten weeks ago I was sexually assaulted and I'm all over the place. It happened at work which they don't know and I got pregnant. I've had a termination and now have started counselling however I've also started self harming and I'm
Not sure if I should tell the doctor I've been seeing. I'm pretty much ashamed of myself all round, can't sleep lost weight and just want a hug. Does anyone else feel this way. I understand everything you are saying and it's encouraging to see people offering support when you feel there is no one. I've come on here to get support so if we stick together hopefully we can move on.

Comments

  • ReenaReena Fanatical Poster Posts: 1,375 The Mix Regular
    Ten weeks ago I was sexually assaulted and I'm all over the place. It happened at work which they don't know and I got pregnant. I've had a termination and now have started counselling however I've also started self harming and I'm
    Not sure if I should tell the doctor I've been seeing. I'm pretty much ashamed of myself all round, can't sleep lost weight and just want a hug. Does anyone else feel this way. I understand everything you are saying and it's encouraging to see people offering support when you feel there is no one. I've come on here to get support so if we stick together hopefully we can move on.

    It's nice to meet you Michelle. I'm sorry to hear you have been through something so awful, but you will find many people here who feel and think like you do.
    I'm a former self harmer and still suffer from depression from time to time.
    You will find so many supportive and friendly people here to help you through.

    Telling the doctor might help, if the doctor knows the facts they can offer the best support. Mine was wonderful once I felt comfortable about opening up to her.
    Reena xx.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thankyou Reena

    It's nice to meet people albeit via technology. Telling my doctor means divulging what I've been doing and that's hard. It took me four weeks to realise I wasn't in denial it actually did happen and now I've started telling people I feel so much worse infant I'm depressed and rock bottom. I've got to go back to work which is where it happened I haven't told them I told them I was pregnant with my partners baby and everything was exciting and I did that because as soon as I told my boss he gave me a huge hug and I couldn't say anything. Telling work now would be a farce, going to the police would be horrific and my heads spinning its bad enough having a miscarraige which I have but having to then terminate a baby is killing me now its all a mess. Self harming seems to make me feel a little relieved takes the pressure away for such a short period of time. I have no idea where or what to do first.
  • ReenaReena Fanatical Poster Posts: 1,375 The Mix Regular
    Whatever you decide to do, don't worry about how others feel or judge you -because I read somewhere that victims of rape react in different ways. That there is no set way to how someone will react, some will be very angry, others very shy, some people might talk about it straight away while others take years. Telling now won't be a farce.
    The most important thing is that you do what you feel comfortable with. Feeling pressured into speaking about it can make you feel worse. Do what you think is right. *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    what you have been through is so horrible, it is not surprising you feel this way....Firstly well done for admiting that it has happened and talking to someone about it, that is the first and often hardest step.

    I can understand you are worried about telling the doctor about what you have been doing, but self harm is a completely natural response, and a doctor wont judge. When it comes to police and work, that is entrely your call, it is very hard but can help with closure at some point. You look after you, allow yourself to feel, but please i can only urge you to keep yourself safe, that *long list of explitives* has taken too much already, please dont let them hurt you anymore.

    here if you want to chat, i get the rape thing....though you have already been so much braver than i ever was....you can get through this :) *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi [email protected],

    Welcome to the boards :wave:

    So sorry to hear you are going through such a hard time. Having been sexually assaulted at work must have feel awful, and having to lie about the pregnancy, and lose the baby, heartbreaking. You are clearly very strong.
    It's great to hear you have started counselling, which is a great first step and it can really help- as well as posting on here :yes:

    Self-harming is unfortunately one of the reponses of deep emotional pain. There are many different reasons why people self harm. Professionals however have seen this before, so don't worry about your GP judging you, you have every right to tell him/her;
    Self-harm is more common than we think. Every person who self-harms has different reasons and life experiences and it's not something that's easy to make sense of. Health professionals train for years to understand it all

    Hope this helps. Stay strong and do let us know how counselling is going *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh god

    Does it gets worse yesterday after a lot of encouragement I get the guts to go to the SARC centre to talk about my options and its safe there as u doubt have to report you can merely get support!! How wrong am I!
    Because I was raped whilst at work and by a service user they have to pass to the police because of safeguarding! Yesterday ended horrifically I feel like I'm back in the room being raped again. I sit in this brilliant consultants office shaking literally absolutely crapping myself ( sorry) thinking about what the hell I had to Di who I had to tell because I've not told my partner three months on, he has no idea I got pregnabt by the rape thinks I've lost his baby when I had a termination, work don't know three months on and now my story about being pregnant with my partner is all a farce ill look like a liar because of not telling people. So then I get home u get a phonecall from the SARC centre manager who then tells me after speaking to the colleague who told me shed have to report that they are not contacting work they're not reporting now and they're sorry for putting me through that!!!! I went home from that consultants and self harmed because I couldn't cope WTF I am so so scared now who to talk too. The consultant tried calling them whilst I was there but they told me after I'd left they'd tried to contact her but left messages so now I'm worried that they'll tell her they're not reporting and that she thinks she should because she agreed in so many words said its the best thing because of other workers!!! Oh god I'm so down
  • ReenaReena Fanatical Poster Posts: 1,375 The Mix Regular
    Does it gets worse yesterday after a lot of encouragement I get the guts to go to the SARC centre to talk about my options and its safe there as u doubt have to report you can merely get support!! How wrong am I!
    Because I was raped whilst at work and by a service user they have to pass to the police because of safeguarding! Yesterday ended horrifically I feel like I'm back in the room being raped again. I sit in this brilliant consultants office shaking literally absolutely crapping myself ( sorry) thinking about what the hell I had to Di who I had to tell because I've not told my partner three months on, he has no idea I got pregnabt by the rape thinks I've lost his baby when I had a termination, work don't know three months on and now my story about being pregnant with my partner is all a farce ill look like a liar because of not telling people. So then I get home u get a phonecall from the SARC centre manager who then tells me after speaking to the colleague who told me shed have to report that they are not contacting work they're not reporting now and they're sorry for putting me through that!!!! I went home from that consultants and self harmed because I couldn't cope WTF I am so so scared now who to talk too. The consultant tried calling them whilst I was there but they told me after I'd left they'd tried to contact her but left messages so now I'm worried that they'll tell her they're not reporting and that she thinks she should because she agreed in so many words said its the best thing because of other workers!!! Oh god I'm so down

    I can understand why they did and said that, he could do it again, but it's unfair to put you through that when you're not ready. Can it be done anonymously? Can any action be done so you aren't directly involved or linked?
    As long as you explain honestly why you did what you did, your partner may understand. We all cope in different ways, what kind of person is he? He may surprise you. As for other people, if they say anything just respond by saying, "And how would you deal with it?" No one knows until they are in that situation. But again, it depends on the kind of people they are.
    Remember you have TheSite, no one will judge you here. :heart: *hug* :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It doesn't look good being a support worker not reporting and putting others at risk I'm scared to do anything imagine what people will say about the baby how I made it up it was my partners my boss hugged me when I told him I was pregnant I couldn't tell him it's a complete mess if I report I've all that to deal with if I don't if still got it to deal with. I've had enough
  • ReenaReena Fanatical Poster Posts: 1,375 The Mix Regular
    It is a mess, but none of it is your fault.
    Have you told SARC about your worries? Have you told them all the details, about the baby, not telling anyone? Maybe they can offer support and advice, something similar could have happened that they have experience in. xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's because I told her what i did, where! That he was a service user his offending history that I got pregnant that led her to ask me not to say anything else so she could get advice from her manager and police informally the police said it was a safeguarding issue but her manager after initially dreaming the hell out if me said I was an adult. It's in my head now I'm wrong doing what I'm doing but well just but yesterday was horrific just thinking it was going to the police I was broken so if it actually did its not worth comprehending really. I just think of the people who have to hear me see me look and feel like this I'm pathetic
  • ReenaReena Fanatical Poster Posts: 1,375 The Mix Regular
    You're not pathetic. You are in a terrible situation, something that was taken out of your control.
    Have the police been in touch? They may be more sensitive than the ones you spoke to at SARC.
    I'm not sure how it works, but I don't think the police can proceed without a statement. That might be why SARC felt they had to report it. Which means that unless you make an official statement no one else will know. But I'm not a 100% sure.
    xx :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Michelle :)
    I understand what you're going through, I was sexually abused for three years, it's been a long time since but it affected my life profoundly and i have never spoken in detail about it, my family and such know but i've never gone into it.. and although I haven't I truly believe that in order to get over something, it probably IS best to speak about it.. get those feelings out, kind of like washing toxins out. I understand how hard it is though, i haven't done it years on so it could take you a while.

    I'm sorry i didn't read all the replys to this thread as my heads really sore, so i'm just wondering did you tell anyone about what has happend? The police maybe?

    Accept all the help your councilor is giving because I promise that in the long run it will help.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi
    No the police are not involved. Yet!! Not by my doing I hasten to add. The counsellor can only offer emotional help just incase I do go to the police no one knows at all. I thought I was coping but since this scare with the SARC centre I'm feeling just as bad as the rape because I'm on tender hooks incase someone dies a safeguarding on me.
  • ReenaReena Fanatical Poster Posts: 1,375 The Mix Regular
    Hi
    No the police are not involved. Yet!! Not by my doing I hasten to add. The counsellor can only offer emotional help just incase I do go to the police no one knows at all. I thought I was coping but since this scare with the SARC centre I'm feeling just as bad as the rape because I'm on tender hooks incase someone dies a safeguarding on me.

    Have you thought any more about telling your partner? xx *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No he'd flip his lid seriously that's a whole different story altogether DV do u can understand my predicament sorry to b so negative
  • ReenaReena Fanatical Poster Posts: 1,375 The Mix Regular
    You're entitled to be negative, no need to apologize.
    But he might be worse if it does go further and you haven't told him.
    I think you should speak to someone about your rights, I'm sure they can't force you to report it if you're not ready yet.
    xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah I suppose. Thankyou I've an appointment on Friday and although she's a consultant she's honest and will support me even if its only short time. She knows about the self harming as well infant she the counsellor and my doctor all female ate the only ones who do know seemingly not fair as they can only go so far with me before I have to make decisions. I worry I'm taking up there time
  • ReenaReena Fanatical Poster Posts: 1,375 The Mix Regular
    Don't worry about taking up their time, that's what they're there for. Well that's what my doctor and counselor use to say, when I thought I was wasting their time.
    It's always better having someone there to help. Even if for a short time, they can offer support and advice that can really help.
    xx *hug*
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