crisis point

Former Member

On Friday I saw my GP, she said that I'd reached crisis point but wasn't in a position to help. Anger and upset subsided, I got through the weekend, not in the safest way but I got through it.

This morning I rang my GP and she called me back after morning surgery. We talked things through, I again raised how unstable I feel; I know my body and I'm aware of the danger signs of when things are getting bad: the drinking, the self harm, not sleeping, flashbacks, psychotic episodes. She said that I just need to accept this is how things will be but I'll be fine by the time I finish university. I don't know if I'm missing something, I understand that unless I'm willing to help myself I'm not going to get anywhere but there's a limit to how much I can do alone. I'm trying so hard to keep going, to not give in to the thoughts but I'm really struggling. I want the hurt to stop, I want the memories to stop existing, I want to feel safe and have some stability but that seems impossible at the moment. No one is listening, things won't magically just get better and I don't know what to do anymore. I'm at a complete loss, I can't do it.

Reena

I'm sorry to hear that ella. I was lucky, my GP was fab, really supportive. She told me about places I could get help and that she could put me on a waiting list- which I didn't need as I started seeing my college counselor. And if I was really struggling I could call her at the surgery.
At least she was right about one thing. This is how things will be for a while, but that doesn't mean you can't do anything about it. With help and support in time it will get better, not completely heal, but better. And your right, its an amazingly strong person who can do this alone- I don't think one exists. You don't have to do it alone. A very simple step is to talk about it. To a counselor, health professional, a good friend, or even a stranger, like what your doing now.
It may be hard but it does help, and as if by magic, one day you'll find you can smile again. Big hug Reena xx.

Former Member

I'm not getting help and support; I'm not entitled to help, my GP thinks that everything is going to get better by magic so I can't be referred to counselling and I can't access counselling privately because I can't afford it. Because I can't talk to anyone things are getting worse. Which is why I'm sat with a bottle of wine in a stupid amount of pain crying because I can't get the picture of my daughter dying out of my head. But health care professionals don't care. I'm clearly fine.

Former Member

Have you tried getting any bereavement support? Cruse or Rainbow Trust might be able to offer a small amount of support (not medical, but talking therapies, or something) and support you with your GP.

Also, Mind have an excellent guide to their advocacy programme, in which volunteers support people with mental health difficulties to express what they need to their doctor.

Also, you can always change GP. It doesn't sound like she's the right person for you to see right now, even if she is generally an excellent doctor.

Reena

ella! wrote: »

I'm not getting help and support; I'm not entitled to help, my GP thinks that everything is going to get better by magic so I can't be referred to counselling and I can't access counselling privately because I can't afford it. Because I can't talk to anyone things are getting worse. Which is why I'm sat with a bottle of wine in a stupid amount of pain crying because I can't get the picture of my daughter dying out of my head. But health care professionals don't care. I'm clearly fine.

I can't imagine the pain of losing a child and I would never pretend to. But I understand your frustration at getting very little help from the people who are paid to be there in a caring profession. Like piccolo has suggested there are organisations and helplines out there for you, you just need to find the right help for you, and with the right support there is every chance of you getting through this. Take care ella xx

Former Member

Piccolo, thank you for the links. From what I've read, Rainbow Trust doesn't have any support groups in my area, but I was in contact with Cruse at the end of spring/start of summer. Short term they were really good.

I saw a different GP this morning because I haven't been well physically. Personal care is at a minimum but I'm trying to avoid time on a respiratory ward again. I ended up having a bit of a breakdown. I can't remember why and what happened but the GP has said that she's going to ring me tomorrow to check how things are. Sort of drifting at the moment, I don't know what's happening and I can't grasp reality if that makes sense. In my slightly out of it state I'm doing stuff to myself that I can't remember doing. I can't make sense of anything.