Self Awareness and Thought Processes

Former Member

Wasn't sure whether to put this in P&D because it isn't about me specifically, it's just me wondering.

Do you think it's easier or tougher to deal with a personal crisis when you are aware of your own thought processes and also know what needs to be done to 'resolve' the issue?

I'm really bad at wording it. A really obvious example though is depression. Having been through CBT, I feel capable enough to recognise the warning signs and pitfalls of my low moods. Most of the time I also know what is needed to take care of myself e.g Going for a walk, ringing a friend. But in the past I've found it difficult to put the knowledge into practice and have felt powerless. I've found it difficult and even more deflating to know that I realise what I need to do but not being able to actually do it.

Another example is being pregnant has turned me into the most paranoid person ever. My boyfriend has been taking bump photos every week to see my progress into whale. This week he commented 'Oh that's weird, you look smaller this week then last'. Panic set in and I demanded another photo this time with my top higher because I wasn't showing all of my belly. Then he said 'Ahhh, that's why'. Rather than shrugging it off I've spent most of the night worrying that my belly is somehow deflating.

I found it really frustrating because I knew I was being paranoid and silly but I couldn't shift the idea that I needed to go for another scan asap to check that everything is okay. I also realise that my scary 20 week scan is 12 days away and so that is why I'm feeling a bit edgy. But it's a feeling that is so hard to shift but I'm trying really hard to fight it.

Maybe I've answered my own rambly question. In my first scenario I feel more frustrated knowing that I am able to pick my thought processes apart but feel unable to do anything about it.

Whereas it's being quite helpful in combatting my 'mad, paranoid, pregnant woman' anxieties

Does anyone know what I mean or can they relate? or am I talking bollocks again?

Annaarrr!!

No I know exactly what you mean, when i feel a little paranoid/panic episode coming on i can take steps that means it either doesnt happen or its a hell of a lot easier to cope when it does happen. If i can block out the thoughts about whats going to 'get me' and prove that it can't happen i relax a bit more. I only struggle when i don't feel them coming on like when i'm feeling low anyways its difficult to tell when the paranoia sets in. When that happens i'm just a mess and i tend to have serious panic attacks but i'm nowhere near as bad as i used to be cos i can tell myself it'll be over soon.

I'm the same with depression though, i can't really do anything to stop that when it's more than just a 'feeling a bit down' mood. It goes away on its own and then comes back when it wants to really..:yeees:

With the whole feeling your stomach is deflating thing, I've never been pregnant so it's just a suggestion and i dont know if it'll work, try relaxing as much as you can while laid flat and get used to how your stomach feels without touching it, then use your hands to feel its shape. If you do it every night you'll be able to see if anything has changed at all and then you'll be able to put your mind at ease because i very much doubt you are deflating

I know you werent really asking for advice so sorry if i've annoyed you just thought i could maybe try and help

Former Member

Hello :wave:

I completely understand your point...I am very self-aware and know why I do self-destructive things but like you, I sometimes struggle to put into practice the things I know I need to do to overcome it..! I don't think being self-aware makes it easier or tougher in comparison to someone who isn't. IMO it's just as frustrating not being able to do the things I need to, to overcome a problem, as it is for someone that's frustrated because they are acting out of character but don't know why...if that makes sense?

In terms of your feelings around your pregnancy - I think that would be normal? I have never been pregnant so I can't talk from experience, but I would imagine that when you are, your natural instinct is to do anything and everything within your power to protect your baby. I also think, as you pointed out, your next scan is due very soon and is likely to be a contributing factor to your nervous/anxious feelings.

I guess I don't really have anything helpful to suggest and I know you weren't asking for specific advice...I just wanted you to know that your not rambling or talking bollocks...your making perfect sense and I understand it entirely.

Former Member

Your posts make me laugh, in a good way though! :d

But yeah, I can relate to what you're saying. With me, I can notice the signs that I'm going downhill, and know what I should do about it, but somehow my brain just won't understand it, and I can't figure out what to do! It's exactly how you mentioned, the thought processes are there and you know what you need to do, you just don't feel able to actually do it and sort it out! I don't think it makes it easier, I find it tougher, because I know what I should do, but at the same time I just can't figure it out and it gets frustrating and then I just end up feeling mehh I dont care

I've noticed this more as I've been "okay" as I can give advice to others on what to do, and then think hang on why didn't I do that when I needed it! Then it makes you realise that it's not as simple as that.

I don't think you're talking bollocks, or maybe I am too

Former Member

Thanks guys for reassuring me that I'm not speaking bollocks :P

Agree that it must work both ways but sometimes I do wish I could revert to childhood and be told exactly what I have to do and when to do it. It seemed so much easier! I think with depression it can easily become a downward spiral because knowing what to do and being unable to do it just makes a person feel worse. It can be a really difficult pattern to get out of.

Hmmm7 I'm the same! Sometimes I reply to posts on this messageboard but feel like a complete hypocrite when doing so because it isn't something I've always felt able to do myself.

As for paranoia with the pregnancy bump. I've calmed myself down as classy as it sounds by wearing a tight-ish vest top that makes me look obviously pregnant (at least I hope it does). My boyfriend has been helpful in his own unique way by telling me that I am definitely expanding. I've planned quite a few things to do in the lead up to the scan date so I have to keep busy and not dwell on it. Imagine I'll be a bag of nerves the night/day before. It isn't until 3.40pm. Tortuuuuure

plugitin

I don't think you're speaking bollocks, either!

I think self-awareness and recognising thought patterns and trails is one thing, but another thing completely to actually be able to do something to change the way things are heading. I know I struggle with that!