Choice

Former Member

Well, I'm thinking grim thoughts. It isn't what I'd like but I can't do anything else. I'm just so exhausted from fighting, mostly with myself and it would just be such a relief to go to sleep and not have to think about waking or responsibility. Or breathing. It's a familiar situation. It's something that I've fought with for years I've long since forgotten about.

I know what I could do about it. I know that I could surrender myself to what I want. I know that I could just accept that life is finite anyway and that I'd rather curtail my existence by my own doing rather than resign myself to something else. It's just so so painful and nobody will ever understand.

Former Member

Hi Unflithen

I'm sorry that you feel so low. Are you able to share some of what is happening to make you feel this way?

The point you made about "Its just so so painful and nobody will ever understand". There are so many people on here who have all been through so much, which means they might not understand exactly how you feel but can offer advice and support on most things.

Just a bit of background from me - I lost my Dad to suicide this year and I've also felt suicidal myself so I kind of have a bit of experience from both sides. I understand the overwhelming feeling of not seeing the point anymore because we all die eventually anyway so what's the point in dealing with all the crap in between. However, I also know the devastation suicide can cause and I know that there are people who would want to help you with how you feel, than lose you. It may not seem like that. I know because I still sometimes think people would be better off without me. ..eventually I told two really trusted friends how I felt and now know I have that support when I need it. Posting on here and counselling have both also been a massive help.

You've made a really positive step in coming on here and posting. To me, that says you want help and that's really good first step.

As I said before, if you feel comfortable sharing with us some of the things that are making you feel this way then please do. We will support/give as much advice as we can...

WhiteLillies

Former Member

I've tried to do what has been suggested but either I've been ignored or it's just too difficult for other people to understand. I'm able to understand it too, it's a difficult subject to grasp and others have often felt powerless to be able to do anything. It's difficult too because I don't want to cause them any harm either. I want to protect them. I know that I'm unwell, but I'd rather suffer myself than cause anybody else any harm.

I'm quite fragile just now. I felt similar yesterday, I'm exhausted and I just want to go to sleep.

Former Member

Maybe I should just accept that death may actually be my only option. It makes complete sense, nothing else does, and at least I'd have control. Because I've otherwise lost control. Entirely.

Former Member

I don't want to do any of this anymore. I give up. Forever.

Former Member

Hi Unflithen

Sorry to hear that things haven't been any easier for you today. *hug*

Is there anyone you can be with tonight to talk to. Even if you can't open up, company can be a good distraction.

If you need to hear a helpful voice, you could always consider ringing The Samaritans...

If you would like to talk to someone on the phone, call:

08457 90 90 90 in the UK and Northern Ireland

Please keep in touch and let us know how this evening goes for you.

B

Former Member

I've done it before but to be honest sometimes it didn't help me. It wasn't that the person I was speaking to wasn't helpful, it's just that it didn't do anything to help the situation I'm in. I just feel so helpless. I'd do anything just to have someone hold me and tell me that I matter and actually mean it. I can feel myself drifting towards doing something I could never reverse, and just now it's better than anything else I could wish for.

Former Member

I feel so lonely.

:crying:

Former Member

Hey Unflithen

Sorry last night didn't get any better for you. *hug*

Some really good advice from Whitelillies and Becky.

How did you feel about ringing the Samaritans if you feel you needto talk to someone personally?

Like some great advice that you have given to others recently... remember that you do matter and you do have people that love you.

Hope things are a little easier for you tonight.

Phil :thumb: