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Lurned into having Sex whilst under the influence of drink?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hai, :wave:

Not sure if it comes under this or not... Sorry if it doesn't :)

So, on the weekend, I went to my friends 18th, celebrated with a few drinks, then got asked to go back to my friends house, who of course, was a boy! But my bestfriend was staying (girl), so I thought why not...
When we got there we had a few more drinks, I didn't have hardly anything cause I knew my limit, but this other boy (who I shall call Dave) gave me a shot and told me to have that, giving it a go, I did...

We all settled down and had to share sofa's etc, whilst some of my friends where on the floor. I shared the sofa with Dave, probably the worst decision ever.. He tried having sex with me (ah awkward bit coming) I said no, for the sake I wasn't ready, and I didn't want to, and he listened...

Around 3am, a few people got up and left the house, and I ended up sleeping a corner of the room, and my other friend told me to go share with Dave, which I replied to he's sleeping I'm fine.. But he wasn't going to take that as the answer and woke Dave up.

The drinks must have got to me, Dave had sex with me :( I couldn't tell him to stop cause I was too scared, and I was too drowsy to push him off, so I wasn't really fully aware...

Told a friend when I woke up via text, and she insisted I got the morning after pill... But me being me, didn't.. It was too embarrassing, and my friend was away so she couldn't get it for me either.

I feel all of this is my fault :crying:

What do I do now? I'm purposely missing Sixth Form so I don't see Dave...

Sophie x

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just to make sure, you understand what you are dealing with: You got raped. No ifs and buts.

    And Dave should answer for that. So get in touch with someone who can help you. A friend, a family member and finally the police.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Sophie,

    Strubbles is right, you were raped and Dave should be reported. Please try to find someone you can confide in, whether it be friends, counsellor/tutor at college or family. You shouldn't feel embarrassed about what happened, you're not in the wrong here.

    Also, you don't mention what day this happened, but the morning after pill can be effective up to 72 hours after unprotected sex, so if you're within this timescale, go to the nearest pharmacy and get it. Again, don't feel embarrassed. They will ask a few questions to determine whether it will work and is safe for you to take, but a few moments of awkwardness is well worth not having to deal with the consequences.

    I'm really sorry this happened and I hope this guy gets held accountable for his actions.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sex without consent = rape

    Whilst under the influence of alcohol/drugs you are unable to give consent = rape

    All I would say is to try and talk to someone you trust about what happened.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't honestly trust anyone.. I want to be able to forget about it, but everything just brings it back to that day :/ I've dropped out of Sixth Form now so I don't see him around. I can't face it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't honestly trust anyone.. I want to be able to forget about it, but everything just brings it back to that day :/ I've dropped out of Sixth Form now so I don't see him around. I can't face it.

    understandably upset, however you are potentially messing up your job chances. Have you thought about transferring?

    I know when I was back in college they had counsellors.
  • **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    stogie wrote: »
    understandably upset, however you are potentially messing up your job chances. Have you thought about transferring?

    I know when I was back in college they had counsellors.

    Hey sophieannn,
    Stogie raises a really key point about the bigger picture that it's good to consider...

    However, I'm fully aware that dealing with the here and now can be all consuming, particularly in a situation like this where you've not only been abused by someone in your wider friendship group, but you don't want to have to think about it at all or face what might happen next.

    Learning to trust people who might be able to help takes courage and you might find it helpful to consider the issue in two parts:

    1. The practical issues - emergency contraception (you could still get it today if you feel able to make a call/go to a pharmacist/brook advisory or similar if you're 18 yourself?) apologies I can't remember exactly how old you are. Here's a link that you might find helpful to read - http://www.efc.org.uk/pregnant/emergency_contraception.html

    Equally, you might find it really reassuring to go to a clinic for a chat, get some tests and just generally a bit of TLC after what you've been through. You can book this really discreetly online and get results back via text message. In other words, no-one else need get wind of your movements. Lots of people find it helpful to take a friend with them for these kinds of visits though - it can help to have someone to chat to while you're waiting and just to know that someone you do trust is there to hold your hand.
    The FPA website has information on how to find the nearest to you. If you know there's a Brook Advisory in your area, then you might also find that to be a good first point of call as their focus is of course young people.

    In terms of college, how do you feel about that at the moment? I know you're quite ambitious and do have high hopes for a career in the future... What do you feel would happen if you went back tomorrow to talk about your options?

    2. Emotional issues - as Stogie says, perhaps you have a counsellor at the college who you might be able to talk to? However, there are other options that you could consider such as Brook Counselling. You could also write to our relationships and sexual health experts at askTheSite who will be able to point you in the direction of further trusted options.

    Keep posting to let us know how you're feeling - it's really important that you have an outlet for the distress you're experiencing at the moment. *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Helen,

    Have an appointment with a nurse tomorrow, so scared about going and not too sure what I'm supposed to tell her, or even why I'm going..

    Teachers want to know too much about what experience it is that isn't making me go in... I told them to forget it. I can't go in :/ I don't want to see him around. I've been on the counsellor waiting list for a year, I'm clearly not important, even if they did say something about an ''urgent'' referral -.-

    Thank you for the support *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Good luck Sophie x
  • **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    Hey guys,
    I know lots of you saw and replied to an offensive post that was made here that's now been removed along with the replies. We've taken the decision to delete because it's really horrible for someone's thread to be tarnished by that kind of harsh reply and it's best to avoid giving it more and more attention when essentially it doesn't have a place in a support forum.

    Sophie, just to clarify as others said none of this is your fault and you did the right thing by posting, please try not to let one person's complete misjudgement affect your perception of the fact that you fully deserve support with this.

    Thanks loads to everyone who posted in support of Sophie following the horrible post and I hope this thread can continue with productive support now.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ah, so I went to see the nurse today... Totally uncomfortable and awkward!! She done some test and I get results Tuesday... At the earliest anyway... She kept asking if I wanted to take it further as he could do it to someone else, but I don't think I'm near ready to even think about it...

    Never really thought it would be this difficult!!:confused:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It is hard lovely.

    She's right, he could try it on someone else. But you don't have to make it your responsibility to stop him. This whole nightmare isn't your fault, and if its all you can manage to carry on with your education and sort yourself out then that's fine.

    Personally, I'd like to think I'd be able to take it to the police, but you never know unless it happens.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ah, so I went to see the nurse today... Totally uncomfortable and awkward!! She done some test and I get results Tuesday... At the earliest anyway... She kept asking if I wanted to take it further as he could do it to someone else, but I don't think I'm near ready to even think about it...

    Never really thought it would be this difficult!!:confused:

    Give yourself credit for going
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Give yourself credit for going

    Absolutely, given how nervous you were, it's a really tremendous thing to have done :-)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I guess so,
    Just trying to brush it under the carpet, and thinking of pushing myself to go back to college Monday, for the 4 weeks I have left anyway... Will have to hide myself though!

    Thanks for the support lovelies, really means a lot atm! :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You can do it. I would recommend that you get someone at your college to help you claim impaired performance. You won't do as well in your exams as you would have and you can supply the reasons that you have for this. Which is it very important you understand Are Valid!

    Please please get this done. Don't let him take your future
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Fiend_85 wrote: »
    You can do it. I would recommend that you get someone at your college to help you claim impaired performance. You won't do as well in your exams as you would have and you can supply the reasons that you have for this. Which is it very important you understand Are Valid!

    Please please get this done. Don't let him take your future

    Totally agree. You might even be able to get to take them away from other students if you ask, then you won't have to worry about running into anyone on the day.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Was wondering where the comments went, duh, I had to press next page!

    Results came but fine, that's one good thing, now to wait to see if I come on period... That's the big one..

    I've dropped out of college now, and promised myself that as soon as I move away, I'll get back into education, and strive for my life goal!
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