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Partners parents
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I've been in a relationship with my partner for 3 years now. We both want to have children in the next year. However I'm not 100 percent thats now what I want. I love my partner alot and he'd make a great dad. I'm just scared that his parents are not going to leave us alone or will always have to get involved in our relationship.
My boyfriend has been bought up the old fashioned way on a farm and has had a nice family upbringing, however in my case my upbringing was not like that. My mum and dad split up when I was a toddler and my mum Bought me up as a single parent.
His dad has given him a buildingplot next to his parents house on the farm to build a house. I don't want to live next or near to his parents. My partner has said he would build the propert on the land his dad has given him and then rent it put or sell it then we can invest on buying another property. He has mentioned buying a house near his parents house . I feel his parents will always be over and watching and judging on how we bring our kids up. His mum has already judged me as a mum and I heard his dad talking about me on the phone. Ive asked my partner if we could live atleast 4 miles away from his parents but everytime I ask him he thinks I'm Just pushing him away from his parents, I'm not that's the last thing I want to do. Is it that bad not to want to live near or next your partners parent? I feel if I have a kid with him I'm never going to have a say in things and his parents will always get involved with things.
Our sex life isn't great at the moment because everytime I want to be physical I always think he cares about his family more than our future. When we don't have sex he gets
moody and can ignore me for hours or days and decides to get stoned. He blames that on me, if he's trying to give up and we've had an argument he'll go out and smoke it. I asked him what his commitments are to me and he said he would put a ring on my fingers and put a roof over our heads. I just don't want that roof to be his parents. His parents will probably give him all the financial backing he needs with the property so I'm sure they are going to have the first say in things. I'm so confused .Help please. Xx
My boyfriend has been bought up the old fashioned way on a farm and has had a nice family upbringing, however in my case my upbringing was not like that. My mum and dad split up when I was a toddler and my mum Bought me up as a single parent.
His dad has given him a buildingplot next to his parents house on the farm to build a house. I don't want to live next or near to his parents. My partner has said he would build the propert on the land his dad has given him and then rent it put or sell it then we can invest on buying another property. He has mentioned buying a house near his parents house . I feel his parents will always be over and watching and judging on how we bring our kids up. His mum has already judged me as a mum and I heard his dad talking about me on the phone. Ive asked my partner if we could live atleast 4 miles away from his parents but everytime I ask him he thinks I'm Just pushing him away from his parents, I'm not that's the last thing I want to do. Is it that bad not to want to live near or next your partners parent? I feel if I have a kid with him I'm never going to have a say in things and his parents will always get involved with things.
Our sex life isn't great at the moment because everytime I want to be physical I always think he cares about his family more than our future. When we don't have sex he gets
moody and can ignore me for hours or days and decides to get stoned. He blames that on me, if he's trying to give up and we've had an argument he'll go out and smoke it. I asked him what his commitments are to me and he said he would put a ring on my fingers and put a roof over our heads. I just don't want that roof to be his parents. His parents will probably give him all the financial backing he needs with the property so I'm sure they are going to have the first say in things. I'm so confused .Help please. Xx
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Comments
Firstly - a huge 'WELL DONE' for not jumping into having a child without thinking about the commitment involved. It's probably one of the biggest things you can do with your life - and in your relationship - so second-guessing it and giving it a LOT of thought is really wise. Babies are irreversible, and they put pressure on even the strongest of couples.
I'm going to link you to this article that you may find hepful - should I have a baby? It's written for women who have already discovered they're pregnant but the decision-making advice in there should hopefully help you too.
It doesn't seem to be just the baby-angle that you're debating though - but your relationship as a whole too. Does that seem right? In-laws and potential in-laws are notoriously difficult things to navigate and you're entitled to not want to live right next door to them. Communicating as a couple is really important to sorting out these kind of issues, but from what you've written, it doesn't sound like your partner is responding well. The fact that he smokes drugs and gets moody if you don't give him sex is also perhaps a cause of concern.
Here at TheSite, we can't tell you what to do. But I can suggest you read this article on relationship therapy and see if that's something you're interested in? It's worth really getting your relationship in check before you bring a child into the mix. It's a big decision and the boards are here if you need to deliberate/rant/ponder at any time.
Let us know how you get on.
Holly