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Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Everything has gone wrong :(

My boyfriend has broken up with me because he can't cope with me.

This means I now can't get to therapy.

Which means I'm not going to get better, which means I'm going to continue to fuck things up.

Why do I mess up all the good things :(


  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hugs - hold in there!

    First, practicality - why does your boyfriend breaking up with you mean that you cannot get to therapy? Is it because he used to drive you? If so, is public transport not a viable option? Can someone else take you instead? Even walk/bike/train?

    Second, I am not sure if I have seen why you are undergoing therapy, but I am assuming that it is because of some sort of mental illness or reaction to an event. The fact that you are suffering from whatever cause this is does not mean that this is your fault, it does not mean that you intentionally mess things up and does not mean that you are going to continue to mess things up. It's an illness that you're trying your best to deal with (as demonstrated by your commitment to therapy) and is in no way your fault.

    There was some good advice on one of the other threads recently regarding a relationship where one of the partners had a mental illness. I don't know if that would help you in any way?

    Keep posting :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru

    It's a 35-40 min drive and buses are infrequent and mostly take over an hour :( I've rung my psychiatrist, and we're meeting next week... also arranged for time off on Thursday so I'll still make it to my appointment for this week as a start. I'm trying to do everything right :(

    I can't cope with feeling this guilty. He said that he was so proud of me for getting better, but then yesterday he said that even though I had improved, it wasn't enough, and it wasn't quick enough. I hate that I've put him through so much, and I also hate that I've fucked it up for myself. The good times were SO good, and I just feel like if I wasn't ill everything would have been perfect, and this wouldn't be happening now.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You're welcome.

    I think you've done the right thing to arrange the time off and prioritise your health - I'm assuming that it's not a viable long term solution for you to have time off all the time? What about making up the hours in another capacity - saying doing an extra half hour the other days? Would your workplace be flexible enough for that?

    I think you need to reframe this break up. I don't know if it's how he put it across, or if it's how you heard it, but it isn't your fault or your problem that you've not improved quickly enough for his liking. You have been doing your best, and it is him who is unable to deal with the pace of this improvement. His inability to deal with it is not his fault, but neither is it yours. You cannot blame yourself for this.

    Supporting people with mental illness is incredibly difficult and a lot of people are unable to do it, but there are people out there who are able to do it - many of my friends have partners with mental illnesses of some grade - and so you now have the opportunity to not only look out for yourself, but to eventually get to a point where you can be with someone who can truly support you.

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