Home Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨

Time to break up?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I've been with my girlfriend for almost a year and we were good friends for years before we started dating. However recently we seem to spend most of our time arguing, and while she continues to say "I love you" I only say it back because I don't want to upset her. We've had two 'breaks' in two months but both times got back together because I felt guilty for upsetting her so badly. She suffers from depression and has a bad family life, so I feel responsible for her and she relies on me. She's tried to kill herself on several occasions and each time I've had to talk her down.

In a few months I'm going to university while she'll still be in sixth form, and I don't enjoy dating her any more, so I think it's time we broke up. As much as I love her, I'm not in love with her.

I just really want advice on how to break up in a manner that wont send her spiralling back down and reaching for a blade, and how to end a relationship of this length in general (this is my longest relationship by far).


  • Options
    *Holly**Holly* Deactivated Posts: 140 Helping Hand
    Hi Kia Rose :wave:

    You've entitled this thread 'time to break up?' but it sounds like from what you've written that you've already decided you want to end the relationship. It's great that you're being so sensitive to your girlfriend's feelings - lots of people aren't as considerate when it comes to breaking up with people - but it's also important to consider your own happiness and it sounds like this relationship perhaps isn't making you very happy.

    It's obviously a very delicate situation due to her mental health problems and your concern is understandable. I think the important thing to point out here is that, whatever happens, you're never responsible for someone else's actions, no matter how close you are to them. Of course you're worried about your gf's reaction but you're not responsible in any way for what she does. However it makes sense to try and minimise any extreme reaction she may have.

    Can I ask what help your gf is receiving for her mental health issues? Is she getting help from her GP or counselling which may be able to provide support? Does she have any other friends? If you've definitely decided to break with her then is there a shared friend you can ask to keep an eye on her post-split?

    Make sure you look after yourself too. This article Coping with self harm doesn't cover breaking up with someone who self-harms but includes info about how to look after yourself which may be beneficial to you.

    Good luck with it. Hopefully any fellow board users with similar experiences may be able to give you more personal guidance.

    Big hug *hug*
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Break up with her. Maybe tell a friend of her you'll do, so she can look after her. A friend of mine was in this position for very long. It will end anyway, there is no reason to artificially prolong it, and you shouldn't feel responsible for the blackmail she is doing onto you. People who threaten to harm themselves so they can get their way are the worst.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    When you break up with her think of her immediate safety. I have severe mental health problems and when my boyfriend broke up with me he waited until my parents were around to take me home with them so I could be looked after.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for all your replies. I broke up with her yesterday and she seems to be okay, I have a handful of friends checking up on her regularly and she has her parents at home with her. Fingers crossed it stays this way.
Sign In or Register to comment.