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Feelings For Best Friend?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hey, I'm new here but could really use some advice!
I'm 18 and female. My best friend is a touch older and is male. Over the last few weeks, I've had really strong romantic feelings towards him. No problem right? I should just tell him and get it over with. Not quite so simple though. He is in love with a close friend of mine and they have been in a relationship on and off for 2 years. I say this not because I'm jealous, but because its true, she doesnt deserve him. She plays him around and its always me he comes to when things go wrong. I just think I could give him so much more. But on the other hand I love my friendship and would hate to ruin it. and also his relationship with his girlfriend.
So I guess I'm really just looking for someone to knock some sense into me. What should I do? He's been my friend for almost 5 years.


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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    First of all, you are jealous. It feels better not being in denial so just accept it.

    Secondly. Market works as follows. Merchant (the other girl) sells shoddy product. Customer (the boy), is not content but sees no alternative. What is the logical conclusion? Offer a better product and sway him. Meet him, spend a nice day, tell him afterwards that you are interested in him and can offer him a better relationship. See if he's willing to buy from you. If no, tough luck. Fin.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just be straight forward with him. You may get a good or bad reaction. Good being he may be also interested. Bad being a rejection, and seeing him less, which I think is good so you can move on and do the things you wanna do and meet new folk. I'd say get it over and done with and no point hanging around because you will never know and only regret it.

    As for your friend, you could be forward with her too and talk about it. Or maybe let things flow naturally and see how things go. It really goes down to how each person reacts. Good luck in what you Choose to do
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    *Holly**Holly* Deactivated Posts: 140 Helping Hand
    Hi TheScientist and welcome to the boards :wave:

    It sounds like you're in a rather complex situation with quite a few different issues at stake. Not just because this guy is your friend but because his girlfriend is your friend as well. I suggest you think really long and hard about all the potential outcomes of your actions before you do anything. Then be willing to accept them before you do anything. This may also help you decide what's best to do.

    So consider how you would feel if:
    - You told this guy you loved him but he said he didn't feel the same way
    - He says he does feel the same way but you lose your female friendship
    - You get together :yippe: but then don't work out as a couple and potentially lose the friendship through awkwardness/hurt feelings etc.
    - You don't do anything and see if your feelings change.

    Is that any help? Make anything clearer?

    You say these feelings have only developed in the past few weeks - that's not a very long time. Can you think if there's any reason why these feelings have suddenly begun? Is anything else going on in your life? Have you just come out of another (possibly bad) relationship? Identifying where they've come from and why may help.

    Ultimately only you can decide what's right - but in the meantime, these two articles should help:
    I love my best friend
    Love triangles

    Have a read and see if they are of any help.

    It's naturally a very confusing situation, so feel free to keep posting if it helps clear your head.


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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i have been where u have been before, but i found it best to get over it, because the longer you try and hold to someone who is not yours, the more it hurts, and you would not want to lose your friends, for nothing. believe it or not, being friends could be better than being a couple :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If he's with someone, leave it.
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