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Becoming a bit of recluse?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Since moving back west after uni, I have steadily lost a huge amount of confidence and have become increasingly isolated, being out in the country without reliable public transport. I have no good friends around here, I've done my best to make friends but everyone seems so busy and without transport its near on impossible to go out for a night out - or even go to gym class or something. I've got so much going on in my life right now, loosing my home and trying to find somewhere else to live, looking after my mum who has a chronic illness, doing my college course (which is really keeping me going right now), and keeping myself together after having reoccuring minor illnesses.

But I feel like I'm coming across as desperate to people - I spend a lot of time online because I don't get to actually socialise with people a huge amount, and I'm wondering if i'm becoming a bit of a recluse. I have anxiety at the best of times, and I find it difficult to go into my nearest small town on weekends because its packed (partly because its got one of the best and most well known farmers markets every saturday). I find large groups of people really difficult.

I don't really know what to do. The only good friend I have around here that I actually get to occasionally see is my ex-boyfriend and although he's still a good friend and theres absolutely nothing going on between us, I'd like my social life not be reliant on him, seeing as I'm thinking about dating again! One of my best friends lives 60 miles away, but works 50hr weeks so I rarely get to see her.

What do I do? Do I just hunker down and wait for all this stuff with the house to sort itself out and start getting myself back together once its sorted (whenever that might be?), or do I push myself and make more of an effort (and if so how?)?



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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey again,

    Sorry to hear that your social life has taken a back seat due to everything else going on in your life right now.

    Have you seen theSite's page on making new friends?

    I thought a particularly good suggestion on there was volunteering; you get to do something good for others and also meet new people as a result. You can search Do-it's site for an opportunity near you. (That site is actually down right now for maintenance, but it will be back tomorrow morning). I know you say transport is a problem as it's not reliable and you live in the countryside, but is there a hospital, school or charity near you that you could volunteer at?

    Oh and also, you are not coming across as desperate at all. I think it's great that you're communicating about your problems and queries with others.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I suppose I said I feel desperate, because I've been pestering friends to come visit me or meet up or whatever, and rather than just suggesting it, I keep reminding them (I feel like I'm being forgotten I guess), and I'm starting to wonder if people don't want to meet up with me because I seem a bit desperate for company and lonely.

    I've looked into volunteering, and the options locally are - work with christian youth groups (which goes against my ethics because I think all youth work should be done without religious bias, after having it foisted upon me as a teenager), or helping rebuild the local canal. I'm going to see if I could do make up at the local sue ryder hospice, but then I've still got the issue of getting there - 3 buses and nearly 2 hours to get there, and on the weekend there is next to no bus service on saturday (last bus at 3pm) and no service on sundays.

    I've made a couple of friends in town, but they seem busy all the time and never able to meet up after work for anything.
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