Borderline Personality Disorder - Books

Former Member

OK, so I can feel myself heading for a bad patch again, but I'm trying....

Anyway that isn't the point of this post.

My relationship with my boyfriend has suffered so much because of the way I behave towards him and I'm determined to change, but it doesn't seem to be happening fast enough. Although saying that, the last week or so has been brilliant. I've been fairly well, and last week marked 6 months together of on and off-ness :razz:

We've come up with several strategies to try and avoid some situations, and things have got better, but still I don't want this bad patch to be the thing that wrecks our relationship.

I'm looking for a book for him - or a website, or anything really. Perhaps something which goes through each sort of trait of BPD, and gives suggestions on the best ways of dealing with a person like that. Most of the books I can find seem to be "how to split up with someone with BPD" and I've given up on the web because I keep finding stuff that is so upsetting, making people out to be so evil, and that the best solution is to get rid of them, asap.

I don't even know if something like this exists, I just want him to get some extra support, perhaps by knowing what the best thing to do for him is, rather than being dragged down by me.

I found this one but it doesn't have any reviews... http://www.amazon.co.uk/Someone-Borderline-Personality-Disorder--Control/dp/1593856075/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1320503698&sr=8-3

I realise this is quite a narrow sort of topic to ask advice about, but if anyone has any ideas, I'd be really grateful.

Former Member

I'm out and on my phone at the mo but will reply properly later. I recently read a great new book on Bpd will check what it was when I get home.

Former Member

Randomgirl wrote: »

I'm out and on my phone at the mo but will reply properly later. I recently read a great new book on Bpd will check what it was when I get home.

Thank you

Former Member

The best book I have read on the subject is "The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide" - everything you need to know about living with BPD by Alexander Chapman and Kim Gratz. It is suitable for sufferers and family / friends / partners and is a very informative book. It was published recently and has the lastest thinking about BPD, the latest treatments and lastest everything really. This is particularly important with BPD as there have been major development in the last decade or two in thinking about BPD and the treatments offered.

A 'classic' BPD book which you might have heard of is "I hate you - don't leave me" - understanding the borderline personality by Kreisman ans Straus. It was published in 1989 and was I think the first book for the lay person on BPD. It was the first book I read about it and whilst I found it really useful and explains a lot it does tend to paint the picture of manipulative sufferers and can be slightly derogatory. I gave it to my boyfriend to read when we first started going out and he found it really helpful but he didn't like the negative tone.

MIND have a leaflet on their website too: http://www.mind.org.uk/help/diagnoses_and_conditions/borderline_personality_disorder which is worth a read.

Also, not specifically to do with BPD but another good book is the Relate Guide called "Staying Together" - from crisis to deeper commitment by Susan Quilliam. We have found it useful when ththings got tough between us due to my bpd issues (like the time we had a fairly minor argument and I went home and took an overdose). Another thing that we have found really helpful is couples counselling through Relate, as we have had a chance to talk about the ways my bpd affects us (as well as other issues) in a safe space. I'm not sure if your relationship is at that stage yet but we have certainly found it really useful and have made some positive changes.

Hope that helps.

Former Member

Randomgirl wrote: »

....

Thank you so much! I actually already have the first book you've mentioned (along with BPD for dummies which was recommended by my psychiatrist although he hates the name...) but I never thought to give it to him to read.

I've seen the "I hate you - don't leave me" book on Amazon... I might hold back for a bit, I'm really worried about the negative tone :P I'm worried that reading a book that paints people in a negative light will make him "see the light" and want to leave me I showed him the book that I linked to above, and he read the preview and is considering buying it, so I'll let you know if that is any good....

Thanks also for the stuff about Relate. I had thought about it..... I just don't know if he'll think I'm being a bit over the top by suggesting it. I really want him to be honest with me about the impact I have on him

Former Member

That book that you linked to looks good. It says it is based on Dialectical Behavioral Therapy techniques which is one of the two best therapies that exist for the treatment of BPD.

Former Member

Randomgirl wrote: »

That book that you linked to looks good. It says it is based on Dialectical Behavioral Therapy techniques which is one of the two best therapies that exist for the treatment of BPD.

Yeah - it also was only published recently, so hoping that helps with stuff / ideas being up to date

Former Member

i've generally tried to stay away from the bpd literature but there's a book called 'lost in the mirror' which is very good.

Former Member

The one I always see recommended is Stop Walking on Eggshells but when I tried to read a copy at the bookshop I worked in it just made me angry...

That's sort of an unrecommendation. I've never read anything about it except Mind and Wikipedia really