moving too fast for him?

Former Member

hey everyone,

just have come on here to ask if what i am doing is right. im always one for thinking into things too much but i cant help it. i split up with my ex last month and now im seeing this guy who i think i really like. hes 33 and im 20. bit of an age gap i know but he also has two daughters aswell. sometimes i feel like i am being kept as a secret as the kids dont know yet as he doesnt wanna tell them just yet. its only been a month since we first started seeing eachother but sometimes i feel like im trying to grab hold of him and feels like hes slipping away even though he assures me that he wants to see me. and because im so busy in the eve and he works in the days its a struggle to get together. i know he likes me but it makes me wonder what he wants me for. hes a great guy but im starting to miss him a hell of a lot when i dont see him and he doesnt always answer my texts because he has other things to do. i am not normally the needy type and this is why its scaring me. i dont know if its the right thing for me to be getting into. i dont wanna turn into a psyco and get all possessive. its just the fact that i dont kno where me and him stand and maybe a month is too soon to be feeling the way i do. im scared he just sees me as a young girl for a bit of fun and nothing else but all i wana do it spend all my time with him. we have had a talk about it and he said he isnt ready to let me go just yet....i mean whats that soposed to mean?! please if anyone can give me some help with where to go with this i would be so greatful. or any of u guys on here that could give me a blokes view aswell would be good. thankyou

Anna xx

Former Member

I expect you are being kept a secret. I know if I had two kids, I wouldn't want them to meet my girlfriend unless I was sure it was pretty serious.

Former Member

do you think he's seeing other people? he didnt text me all last night and this morning just said that he was sleeping. doesnt seem right to me

*Holly*

Hey there *Anna*

You mention that you broke up with your ex only a month ago. Do you think maybe this is affecting how you feel about this new guy? After a breakup it’s normal to feel like all your stability in life has been taken away and it can also pummel your self-esteem. You say that you’re not normally the needy type and that this is scaring you. It’s worth considering if this is an emotional hangover from your breakup? That you could be trying to shift the emotional support from your previous relationship onto this new one? Am I allowed to ask how long you were with your ex? This article on rebounds might be useful.

As for your current relationship, there seems to be a number of issues you’re getting your head round. Like the age gap, the fact he has children, that you don’t have enough time to see him and that you don’t know where you stand with him. This is a lot of confusing issues to take on and it’s natural that you may be feeling overwhelmed.

You say “I’m not sure if this is the right thing to be getting into” and whilst I’m not saying you should end things with this guy, it might be useful to focus on yourself a bit more. Relationships should be enjoyable, especially at this early stage, and this situation is obviously causing you a lot of stress. How’s your mates situation? Is it worth spending more time with them so you’re not waiting around for him to text? Or maybe you could focus on hobbies and interests that make you happy? Taking back a bit of control might help you to feel more confident in your decisions.

Feel free to keep posting and I hope it’s helping to think it all through here *hug*
Holly