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Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Please can I have some?

I know I'm selfish for not posting in the hugs thread. Please forgive me.

Yesterday was the worst day of my life, and today hasn't been much better. I really don't have anything right now and everything is so hard :( I would post and say what has been going on, but I know a lot of it is my fault but I don't think I could handle hearing other people tell me so :crying:


  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru

    i hope today gets better for you and you're being kind to yourself.

    the majority of posters on here are supportive, if you need to vent and get it all out it's understandable. if you dont want to talk about it yet or at all then that's okay too. i do hope you're okay though :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I was staying at my boyfriend's for a break away from things. Sorting stuff out away from the pressure of uni.

    Yesterday he decides that everything is too much for him. And his parents pretty much call my parents and kick me out. I always felt so guilty about the pressure I put on him, but he always said that it was OK. A few weeks ago I felt so guilty that I ended it with him, but he said he convinced me that it was OK, and now this.

    Talked yesterday evening and we agreed to meet just once before he goes away to clear things up before giving each other some space. Now, after a talk with his parents, this morning he has said that he doesn't want to see me, and that although he wants to be with me, and that he loves me, he doesn't think that it is the best thing for him. He says that his parents know him better than he knows himself, and that he can't see the effect he has on people, and the effect they have on him. This is despite him saying that it only really got too much yesterday, and that I made him better too and it wasn't one-sided :(

    So now I'm staying in a B&B in my uni town with my mother, occassionally heading back to my house to pick up stuff but I hate being alone :( I can't stop crying.

    In an hour or so I'm meeting with someone from the university to discuss my future there, and I just don't know what I want anymore. I just know I want to be better and that is all.

    I also got a copy of the letter my psychiatrist sent to my GP, and that made me so upset too. I thought he was an alright guy, but the way he talks about me made me really upset :(

    I have no idea what I'm doing now. I have no idea what I'm doing with my life, and this guy was the one constant thing. Things were a bit shit before, but now I don't know what to do. It sounds brat-ish, but nobody else could make me feel better like he did. My friends know, my parents know but they just never say the right thing.

    I've got such a headache, and I keep throwing up. I can't think straight and I need to sort out my future. I know it seems so pathetic that I'm this upset about him, but it's so much more than that. I really thought we were gonna work stuff through together, I helped him with his problems, and I know mine were a bit more demanding but I was doing everything I could, talking to everyone possible. Knowing that I had him made it all worthwhile whilst everything else is such a mess.

    I need to decide whether I go home or stay here. It is such a big decision and I wish that all of this hadn't happened now, as I don't want it influencing my thoughts.

    Hmm. Will see what happens this afternoon.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    that's so shit, i wish i was there to give you a real hug. i realise im probably too late responding to this because you're probably at the meeting already. i was going to ask if someone is going with you? maybe your mum? if not, maybe afterwards just chill out with your mum. i know you really dont feel like it but force yourself to do things that seem as 'normal' as possible. and yeah it is pretty hypocritical me saying this but looking back at hard times i wish i had dealt with them this way.

    i know staying at a b&b cant be great right now, can you think of a film on at the cinema you might want to see? watching a film is probably the last thing you want to do right now but i'm just wondering whether it might be helpful to at least get out of the room you're staying in.

    can i ask what was it that upset you about the letter? no idea of the content, but maybe it seemed quite cold considering the amount of time you may have spent with your psychiatrist. this is just a pure guess.

    i hope you arent being harsh to yourself if you have decided to take some time out from uni. whatever decision you have made, it must have been a tough one to come to and i hope the uni are being supportive in this.

    please keep me updated, you're fab :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru

    And a deep breath. And then, hard as it is, try and take things one at a time - and break them up into bite sized, isolated chunks.

    The key thing about dealing with life, is you need to be able to do it pretty much on your terms, and you need to be doing it for you. Having a supportive partner is great, but it's not a long term sustainable solution to being the only thing to keep life on the straight and narrow.

    So while his parents calling a stop to things must suck, a massive amount, by the sounds of what you've said it was possibly needed. Sometimes it does take slightly outside eyes to see the bigger picture. You need time and space to sort things out for yourself - and he was never going to be able to help you through that on his own. Being forced into doing something is rubbish - but just sometimes it can get things making real progress.

    Remember that the pyschiatrists letter was aimed at you, and it wasn't written for you to read, so you'd expect it to be cold, clinical, professional and a summary. Try not to take it personally ~(much as I can guess that would be hard).

    Before you decide whether to go home or stay in the uni town - you need to sort out where things are up to with uni. That's going to be a team effort between you, your mum, your tutor and occie health.

    For those discussions to be productive, you need to be vaguely able to pay attention. Which means reducing the splitting headache, and keeping some kind of nutrition inside you.

    It's dull, it's boring, and you already know it - but stay hydrated. Squash, water, pop, whatever you can keep down. It will help the headache, it will help your mood, and how you feel in general physically.

    Then get some sugar of some kind into you. If dry toast works, then fine. If coca cola/other (NOT DIET) fizzy drink works, fine. OJ is good too. Fruit. Pretty much anything, but almost, the more calories the better if you're really struggling to eat properly, at least keep the energy up - but obviously real meals would be far better.

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you so much for your replies.

    I guess the thing is.... I just wanted to be able to see him one more time to clear the air so things don't just end how they did yesterday. I wanted to get stuff straight so that I could focus on all the other stuff going on around, but he doesn't want to see me. Well he does, but he says he'll ask his parents and well that will be a no. So now I'm just going to spend the next few weeks thinking "what if" and going through all the things I could have done differently and whether things would have been different. I just wanted to see him to draw a line under this, then he could have his space or whatever but :crying:

    Right the meeting - my mum came with me. Quite :( because there are essentially no adjustments they can make for me. I still have to attend everything and do all of the assessments at the same time as everyone else, in exactly the same way.

    So options.... now I'm off to go and make a pros and cons list. I probably can't post it here because it will have too many details but yeahhhh at least I'm making one right?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru

    Deep breath before you do, and take breaks if you get emotional; if you can stay objective it will help. *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru

    i'm sorry that you feel so bad honey :( you've had loads of great advice anyway but i just wanted to back up what the others have said about medical letters, which in my experience have more often than not been horrible. as SM says they are not written to you and are purely intended to convey clinical facts between doctors. i know i say it all the time and it's really annoying but it's true - psychiatrists are doctors who have done an extra module in psychology and they are not typically the most sensitive of souls. they work and write in a medical way, please try not to let it upset you too much.

    also with regards to uni, it's easier said than done i know but try to keep up as much as you can and if you're still struggling go and see someone again. if you've got any coursework in the next few weeks give it a go but don't be afraid to submit an extenuating circumstances form. uni might seem the least important thing in the world right now but it is something that gives you structure and routine. if you really want to drop out then that's fair enough but it might be a good idea to give it a few weeks, because you're so distraught by the weekend's events that you might not be thinking too clearly.

    i hope you feel better soon :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks :heart:

    I have a plan, so short-term --> what is happening over the next few days. Got some sessions that I'm going to try and ease myself back before next week.

    Then after that, I've set a date (end of November) where I'm going to try and make it till then whatever happens and then around that time I need to decide whether I want to stay at uni.

    It is still so hard. I don't have a clue what is wrong with me or how to manage it. I wish my mind functioned normally. My concentration is just appauling, everything reminds me of how much I've fucked stuff up, either with uni, relationship or friends and it just sets me off. I speak and my words come out all jumbled out and I just have massive brain fog and it feels like (when I'm thinking about anything else apart from my feelings) I just hit dead ends. Then I try and think about it another way, so turn a corner, and hit another dead end. It's such a joke.

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey yelloseahorse

    Hugs for you tonight. *hug*

    The plan for the next few days sounds positive.

    When things get stressful, sometimes just stepping back, taking a deep breath and trying to block it all out for a few moments can clear your head. I know its easier said than done when you feel things are piling up.

    Thinking of you.

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru

    Stuff is going alright. Stuff is OK with uni, OK with my parents, and OK with my guyyyy. I even managed to sit an exam today ;) I think I'm just about back at 'functioning' level, most of the time. Still up and down but I'm so glad I came off my ADs, I feel a lot better... which is weird.

    So in general stuff is good. I'm still crying a lot, but meh. Stuff IS better and so I need to write this down to remember it :)

    Now for some shit stuff.

    -I was meant to get a psych appointment this week... and haven't even got the letter through, so yeah... I guess that's a no....
    -I got referred to a random service, and they've written me a letter saying that I may not be suitable (GRRR) and so I have to fill in a massive questionnaire and then at their next team meeting they're gonna decide whether or not to place me on the waiting list.
    -NO THERAPY available on the NHS. Pretty much. Which means if my parents can't pay, and the service don't want me, then I have NO TREATMENT OPTIONS. Like what the actual fuck am I going to do.
    -From what my doctor says, depsite him saying it may take up to YEARS to get better, they've sort of caught it at an early stage, and if I get help now stuff shouldn't progress into full-blown shit. BUT NOBODY WANTS TO HELP ME. :crazyeyes

    Sorry busy day, and I'm tired. Probably shouldn't be posting but I guess it gets the point across.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What does the service that you have bee refered to (that may not want you) treat?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    They are for 16-25 year olds who are going through severe emotional distress or something like that, with one of the categories being having a personality, or emerging, personality disorder.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well fingers crossed they take you :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    dbng wrote: »
    as you say you are a selfish, so remember that every person is busy to prepare their own status. no be selfish but dnt ignore to anyone becoz every person i subordinate to each other.:thumb:

    You can do one ;)
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