Still a virgin - is it obvious?

Former Member

I'm gunna get straight to it. I'm male, 26 and a virgin. and I'm struggling to get a girlfriend and wanted some advice.

I'm not a wierdo or ugly or anything, i'm surprisingly normal, but due to being quite shy (and proper fat as a teenager, but now i'm very slim) i haven't met many women who i got on with and because i'm not good with conversation i don't get one night stands etc.

I basically want to know how obvious it is to women that a guy is inexperienced as i've had a few girlfriends but they break up with me because i'm not constantly all over them and wanting sex al the time.

Would having a few one night stands to get me over the virgin thing give me any more chance with a woman i actually wanted to be with?

Former Member

Its more about confidence than actual experience. If you have confidence in yourself, then you'll naturally find what works and what doesn't. Most people can see lack of confidence, not whether you're a virgin or not.

I hate to burst the bubble, but loosing your virginity isn't as special as its cracked up to be. The first time is normally over pretty quickly and not the most amazing feeling in the world. Its like the first time you drink alcohol, you think it taste horrible, but you like the effects, so you try it some more, you find out what you do like the taste of and try new drinks. Sex is pretty much the same. Its totally up to you if you save it for someone special or have a few one night stands. Either way just remember to play it safe.

Former Member

If you can't have sex with your girlfriends don't ever try to score a one night stand, for your own well-being.

Next time you have a gf and sexy time is imminent either just do it, or tell her beforehand.

Former Member

Get yourself to a friendly neighbourhood hooker. Explain to her that you want to hire her for a couple of hours in order that you can figure out the logistics of the thing. I'm sure if you pay her extra she'll probably even give you tips. Maybe she'll even give you a discount as it'll be your first time.

Then I'd move on to those internet sites that people use to meet up purely with the intention of fucking. Treat yourself to a few non-paid encounters - some perhaps even with emotions.

Then move on to regular dating websites.

The end.

Former Member

Former Member

Welcome to the boards CT5117 :wave:

Miss_Riot wrote: »

Its more about confidence than actual experience. If you have confidence in yourself, then you'll naturally find what works and what doesn't. Most people can see lack of confidence, not whether you're a virgin or not.

:yes:

It does seem that your confidence is affected. This is like a vicious circle where you might feel insecure due to being a virgin, but in order to move on from it you need to boost you self esteem - yet to do that you think you need to lose your virginity. So perhaps trying to work on your confidence away from your sexual history could boost other parts of your life.

From your post it seems that you struggle to tell the women you date about being a virgin. Honesty is always the best policy - and if they decide to end it, whether it is because of this or because they think you are not "constantly all over them and wanting sex al the time" - they will end it. It could help you get closer to someone you like by sharing that with them. Sure it can be scary, but you will certainly feel much better if shared with the right person. One article mentions this;

"Try and do it with someone you really care about and discuss your expectations and concerns about sex - including contraception. Don't expect it to be amazing, it may not be, and discuss this with your partner. If you don't feel comfortable having this important discussion with them then you may not be ready to sleep with them."

Keep posting and let us know how you get on

Former Member

On this topic, I saw a program on really (yes, its a TV channel) called "virgin school", where a 26 year old virgin (who worked as a paper boy and still lived with his parents) went on a course in Amsterdam (where else!) to learn how to have sex (and all that entails).
Basically, its all about confidence.
I have the same problem as CT5117 (and have been posting about it on here for years). I'm not sure about Coathangar's idea. Some colleagues of mine paid for a prostitute for me in Panama a couple of years ago and lets just say I was too embarrassed to actually do it.
I want to have sex on my own terms, rather than be coerced into it by colleagues or others.

Former Member

Hey, hope all is well with you.

It doesnt seem that the previous girlfriends you were with were that interested in you as a person.

It does seem as the mod says too that your confidence has been affected by this.

I would say all you really need to do is be yourself.

And I have to say a one night stand or a few of them would probably achieve nothing - you would only feel worse. You would have no more chance than you would at the start of a relationship. You just need to take things one step at a time and when you find someone that you care about and vice versa, it will happen.

Former Member

It's only sex after all! Ofcourse no one can tell- it's not like you have the label virgin tatooed onto your head!

Former Member

Yes do have a few one night stands! Im sorry but no offence you will be bad your first time so if its with a randomer then it dont matter you havent got to see them again! Trust me shag a few slags, get some experience then when you meet the girl you want you can rock her world! Because in spite of what people say sex is a huge part of a relationship.

Dont worry tho mate it does seem like a big thing when your a virgin then once you do it youll wonder what all the fuss was about and trust me youll bloody love it after that!

Former Member

I'm 27 and a virgin. It makes me depressed sometimes, well most of the time actually. I don't get messages on two dating sites. I'm shy and not that ugly.

I hate working with fit, gorgeous lasses at work knowing that they're all taken!:banghead:

Former Member

I think that in the UK, issues like this are different to say living in the middle east. Women are different in the west but there are other issues like racial differences, rape and also the legalisation of civil partnerships.