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Typical. Help? :(

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Well basically going to try keep this short because I'm on my phone and don't want to have to type huge paragraphs and also sorry if this comes out as a wall of text as it's difficult to tell.

Well the issue is that, I split up with long term partner a couple months ago. Got over it, started leading my life as you do, moved into a new flat with two friends and moving somewhere bigger in two months.

So about 12 days ago, we had a party here. Few people came round got a bit drunk and one of my ex's turned up, we are close friends, and my friend like forced us to sit down and talk. And at the end of it we both decided that we wanted to be together and to try again. Although I'm starting to think now it was a mix of alcohol and the fact I'd been single for a while and felt lonely and was a bit desperate has harsh as that sounds.

Has been going fine till up to last night, we'd be getting on great although not sure how I feel about her. We were only together for a month or two before so, it's not love. And I don't really do infatuation or lust...

So last night, me and ant were sat in our flat after a night out. Playing games till about two am, when I got a text from a friend saying that they got kicked out of a house party and they had no where to stay. I called him up, had a chat and invited them round, no gonna let friends of mine sleep rough when I have space even if it's the floor. Although there was three of them, two of my closest mates, and one of their ex's.*

They turned up. We had had some drinks and a party here instead well 5 people. Towards the end of the evening I said blankets are in that cupboard, I have a king size bed so someone can crash next to me. So a couple of people slept on the floor, and my friends ex, and my flat mate jumped into bed.

I think this is where my problem starts, my friends ex and i, couldn't sleep so we just lay their chatting for a while about random stuff, and then we started kissing, which I feel really quite guilty about now. I said I'd never cheat on my girlfriend and I have now. Not sure whether I should tell her but, things aren't that simple. You know that feeling when you meet someone and you just click? And you both get on seemingly well. We were sober at this point too. That happened, and I really like her, next day woke up. Lazed round a bit most people left, but she stayed. We had some more drinks food etc, and we really like each other, she knows about my gf too. But I'm kind of at that point in the road of not knowing what to do next.
I'm not sure what to do :/
The other part to make it worse, is that my friend still likes his ex's and got really quite jealous when he saw us cuddled up asleep together in the morning. He wants her back, but she doesn't really like him cos he's drug obsessed. and would always put that before her.
Don't know whether I should just forget about her, and continue my life as it is. Or try even though it's a bad situation cos of everything and go after someone I actually feel some sort of connexion for.

Anyways thanks in advance for any advice.


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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think you've given plenty of reasons for not being with your current girlfriend, and maybe its worth letting her know how you feel about your relationship. You should really tell her about you and this other girl, but be prepared for it!

    As for this other girl...how much do you value your friendship with this guy? Is she worth potencially destroying your friendship for? I never advicate going off with someone else straight after a break up, but sometimes you do have that connection, and that means something and is worth exploring, but not at the cost of everything else. Meet up with her in public, go on a couple of dates as mates, and just see how you feel. Make sure it wasn't just the drink talking.

    I hope that helps!
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    LauraOLauraO Posts: 535 Incredible Poster
    Hey Shikari,

    A few days have gone by since you posted about this and so you might have already made decision, if not here's some further things to think about

    It sounds like you have two dilemmas at the moment with your relationships. The first is whether you want to be with your current girlfriend or not taking into consideration the fact that you recently kissed another girl. The second is if you break up with your girlfriend and pursue the other girl will your mate be annoyed or upset, and is it worth it for the connection you feel with her?

    Regardless of what happened the other night with the other girl it's worth thinking about your current relationship and whether you want to be in this anymore. It sounds like you are still deciding whether to tell your girlfriend about the kiss. If you do decide to be honest with her you might find this article useful to help you understand why you might have cheated and communicating this to her.

    If you do decide to break up with your current girlfriend and want to start things up with the other girl, it might be a good idea to make sure your mate knows about this first. You could perhaps talk it through with him first to show him that you care about his feelings and are not going behind his back. The downside of this is that he might ask you not to pursue it, so its worth thinking about how important your friendship is to you first and what you would do if he did ask this of you.

    There is a lot to think about in your situation, and there is no right answer because you want to consider your own feelings and ensure you are happy but also make sure you're not upsetting too many people that are close to you.

    Hope it works out either way for both of you,
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