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Going Nowhere...

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Well.. i guess i *properly* stopped cutting in feburary...

and everybody thinks ive been getting better and happier since then...
and some days i am happy.
but mostly ive just stopped talking again..
mainly because.. ive got all this stuff going round in my mind.. but i can't quite indentify what it is? and.. well i first cut again in may, what i thought at the time to only be a tiny one, but ive ended up adding to my scars with it anyway :( and i turned up on a friends doorstep a few weeks ago after having tried to scratch away all the skin on my arm..

i been struggling against a relapse for months i guess and its slowly starting to beat me.. and now im back to laying in bed, planinng my death. But this time... all i know is i want to end my life.. i just haven't got a clue why.

My own mind is starting to terrify me.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi TryingtobeStrong

    It sounds like your having a rough time of it recently and trying to be happier is getting harder, have you managed to talk to someone about how your feeling again or is that a path you would rather not take?

    Dont be too hard on yourself, remember the positive outcomes you have had and hold onto them.


    Take care :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    seems i fucked up the only positive thing to happen to me this year though:(

    now im back to school ive got the option to go back to my councelling, but im not sure what to do atm
    somethings making me hide from the teacher i have to go to if i decide to, as if im scared shes gonna see right past this facade.
    i guess the other thing is that shes all for me n my mum building up a relationship, which i DEFINATELY dont want anymore. nobdoy is gonna change my mind on that.

    Anyway, thats not gonna work for long as shes teaching me this year, and i have her tomorrow.. i dont know if i should stay behind and talk to her or what to say :/
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Okay.. being sensible here. im going to HAVE to. im terrified... but i guess its gotta be done.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well done for thinking it over, I hope it goes ok tomorrow.

    dp :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi TryingtobeStrong :wave:

    How did it go today? did you speak with your teacher?

    Have you thought about how it would be for you if your teacher saw though the facade, you talk about. ?

    Lets us know how you got on :)
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