Being liked/loved by others

Former Member

Hi,

Just wanted to discuss this really. Most people want this I think, but what effects does it have on us ?

How important is it to be liked/loved by friends and partners ?

It's something I'm not sure of. I think it's fine to want to be liked by others and make friends, but maybe you shouldn't worry too much if someone doesn't like you.

But with people being social animals just how important are relationships and being liked/loved for us ?

Is it necessary for our self esteem/confidence to thrive ?

Just something I wanted to raise and get feedback on.

Former Member

I think it is important even if people don't like to admit it. I don't think you need to be liked by everyone you come into contact with but you do want to be surrounded by at least a small group. If no one likes you then I guess you would start to question "is it me?"

Some people are perfetly content to live solitary lives but they are a minority.

Former Member

The way I see it, the most important thing is to be yourself. It is better to be hated for who you are than loved for what you're not... So for me, the most important thing is being sincere with people, so they can form an opinion of who I am, rather than who I pretend to be...

I don't really care for people who don't like me, it's their right to make that decision. I think it's more important to focus on what we have and on who loves us. Life's too short to spend energy on people not liking us.

I think that self-esteem is a personal thing, something we control ourselves and have responsibility for. The only person you are with 24/7 is yourself, so you may as well like yourself and be friendly towards yourself.

That said, it's all easier said than done... I was bullied a lot in school, as were many people on the site and self-esteem is something which takes a lot of love to nurture, but I don't think it's something that comes from other people, but ourselves.

Sometimes we have friends, lovers and families who show us compassion and help us, but it's up to us to choose whether or not to use the gifts they give us and to create a more positive world for ourselves.

Former Member

Thanks for the replies. I've heard of a book that may tie in with what you have said called 'What you think of me is none of my business.'

I haven't read it yet, but want to acquire a copy.

I think we want to make friends and have lovers, but I guess the starting point is with ourselves - as you say we spend the most time with ourselves.

So I guess it's best to like/love ourselves and if other people do it's a bonus and good for us, but if someone doesn't like/love us we can survive it if we like/love ourselves.

It's a tricky one and I don't fully know.

Former Member

most people are going to be bothered if their friends and partners dont like them arent they???
Deing disliked by those people would be a bit of a bad sign.

Former Member

The reason some people are my friends is because they like me and I like them. My partner was my partner because she loved and liked me and visa versa. So yeah, it's fairly critical.

Former Member

Namaste wrote: »

The way I see it, the most important thing is to be yourself. It is better to be hated for who you are than loved for what you're not...

:yes:

Former Member

I like to think I could be strong enough to live my life like that but honestly if it meant going through life alone I think I would resort to pretending to be someone I'm not.