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My name is Randy, this is my Life.

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hello everyone, please tell me what you think about this.

I have just turned 15 at least a month ago. (July 30th) So far I have been threw a lot in my life. When I was younger I was beaten for really anything that angered my mom. Because when I was 8 years old my Dad left the situation and relocated to Brampton, where I currently live. After my Dad left my Mom fell into depression denial, she was to proud of herself to admit what was going on within her, but I just kinda knew there was something off with her. My mom has a fear of being alone so it was not long after that she found a man, Darren who is still my step father, but I was never that close to him.

After my Dad left the situation and Darren took over his place things went bad for me and my 3 sisters (twins and sister all older) and 1 brother (also older). He took over my Mom and changed her way of thinking because witch was bad especially for me the youngest. My hole life it seemed that everyone took there angry out on me, I was that quiet kid that hid in the corner and never really spoke my mind, mostly because I found that the hardest thing to do growing up. I was emotionally and psychically abused, I guess it just made them feel better to get things off there chest, witch I did not really mind because at least they were happy, and it's nice to know that others are happy. By the time I turned 12 I was able to defend myself against my sisters and brother, and that's when they stopped picking on me, but its alright that they did pick on me because that how siblings are, right? Granted they did do some terrible things to me, like tell me that I was worthless or tell me that i had no place in the world, but I think the one that hurt the most is when my sister Abby told me that I was a waste of skin and no one would ever love me. I was also beaten but not hard, my sister pushed me down a flight of stairs, or I was slapped or punched by my brother once, but he is the nice one so that did not happen for long.

When I hit the age 12 that's when things started to get a lot worse for me, because growing up I was picked on by my brothers and sisters but I was never really picked on by my parents because my brothers and sisters protected me from that. But once they started to move out and get there own lives I was left home alone with my Mom and Step dad for the longest times and over time things got worse. I remember how it worked, I would do something to Darren when my Mom was out and then when my Mom came home she would beat me physically or emotionally. One time I did not do the dishes and I called Darren a dick, because he was just calling me names and being a bully to me, then Mom came home with the belt in her hand and chased me around the house, I tried my best to get away by running to my room and hiding under my bed, but that did not work. It was not long till I heard my Mom bang all the way up the stairs and kick my door open,
"Where are you, you fucking troll" I remember she said, I tried my best to not make a sound but she heard me breathing and grabbed my by the ankle and pulled me out from under the bed and beat me with the belt. When she was done she told me to go down stairs and apologize to Darren, so being 12.5 I ran down there and said sorry till I was blue in the face.

The next day I was so angry at myself for making her that mad, and I knew what I did was wrong. I was a bad kid and I knew that. But I was at school that day and i was having a lot of trouble sitting in the chair because of the welts on my back from the buckle of the belt, after a while I raised my hand and asked the teacher to take a look. The second she saw the welts she sent me right to the guidance councilmen and told me to show him. When I showed him what was on my back and explained to him what happened, he tried to tell me that it wasn't my fault, and some people are just mean like that. (At the time I did not understand why she would do that to me) The next day Social workers came to the home and talked to my Mom, of course she fought it saying that Abby and me fight all the time and its just normal, and apparently they bribed me to tell them that it was my Mom so that they could have a case they could work on.

After that I think my Mom mellowed down a lot because she realized how close she was to going to jail, but that did not mean that the emotional pain stopped, she would constantly tell me how I was not important and how she wished I was never born and how see regretted giving birth to me. She was never that mean on anyone else, but like i said it made her feel better and have a life so I did not mind that much. A couple times she threw shoes at me and told me to be better, and one time she broke a metal brush over my head and told me that I was worthless.

As of right now I live with my Dad, because I begged him to take me in, because lets face it the situation with my Mom was not healthy. I actually asked him hundreds of times growing up to take me in but at the time he lived in Toronto and could not take me in because he was afraid of what might happen to me down there. Then after a while he found a girl named Lynn and moved into Brampton with her. Me and her got a long okay but not perfectly.

Ada, my best friend she has a lot to do with why I got to move in. It was late in the school year, maybe early June. It was Saturday and for months I have been doing all my chores on time, without being asked (all parents dream) and as it seemed Darren, who was impossible to please, was happy with what I was doing. Anyway so I decided that I deserved to sleep in and maybe do my chores a bit later in the day (I am 14 at this point last year). So I got up at around maybe 12 noon and went downstairs and noticed Darren was at work and Mom was on the couch. I knew I had 40$ so I asked her if she wanted Taco Bell and she said yes. So I left and walked down to Taco Bell, witch is a good distance from the house about 20 minutes there and back and I did not have a bike so I walked. When I got back I said that I had my Moms food, walked around the corner and noticed Darren was on the couch and not Mom, so I asked him were Mom was and he said that she was in the basement (that's there room). So I yelled down and asked Mom if she still wanted food and she said no because Darren pissed her off and she told me to give her food to Abby. So I called her down and me and her started to eat and then Darren went downstairs. 1 hours of SCREAMING and YELLING went by, and all you heard is them really going at it and you could not understand what they were saying. Then Mom flew up the stairs and told me and Abby how terrible we are and how she never wanted us and how we are waist-ed skin and she wants to kill herself. Then she went downstairs and Darren came up and reiterated what mom said basically.

After that me and Abby were scared at the table and she was in tears. I tried to cheer her up and tell her that things will work out and there just mad at each other and they need an outlet, it won't always be like this, we are still loved. Then I asked her to help me clean up so that they would have a nice place to come up to after they were done yelling at each other.

When they ended up coming up Mom left and Darren turned the T.V on and just started watching whatever was on, before Mom she managed to say a couple more hurtful things, then she left. Abby ran into her room and started to cry so I went up and tried to calm her down, and it worked kinda. Then I went up in my room and called my Dad to tell him what was wrong and I told him was was going in and the first thing he said after I finished is "What did I do wrong", After listening to what they said and what Abby said i said "I refuse to take responsibility for there issues, this is there problem not mine" anyway after that he tole me that he would see what he can do and he would talk to Lynn to see if I can move in, and he told me to get out of the house tomorrow to just kinda let things cool down.

So I woke up the next day and I asked my Mom if I could go out and hang with Ada for the day, and she told me to be home around 8:30pm. I hung out with Ada that hole day and I told her everything that was going on in my house and how un-perfect my life was, I told her that i hoped that things one day would get better and maybe even one day my Mom will love me again, or at least show it. Anyway s so when 7:30 rolled around I asked her to walk with me just in case something went wrong, I would have backup. We got to my house at 8pm, witch is a half an hour earlier then my Mom asked me to be home, as I walked up to the house Ada decided to hide behind the Car out of site. I knocked on the door because it was locked, the second my Mom came to the door she grabbed me and pulled me inside and tole me that I was terrible then she grabbed me by the neck and three me into the floor, the second my nose if the floor I turned and used the floor to push her with my feet and get out of the house as fast as possible. I ended up running all the way to Ada's house and called my Dad. He ended up picking me up that night and now I live with him.

things were never perfect living with Dad either, it was hard fitting in at a new school, especially knowing that i may be gay or Bi. Home life was never good because me and Lynn always fought and got on each others nerves, mostly because she was a neat freak and I was not used to that kinda thing, I mean i should't have to walk on egg shells to live in my own house, but over time she calmed down and I got more neat.

(WOW 2001 words, sorry about that :D)

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Randy,

    I think you've had a difficult upbringing, it sounds like from what you've said perhaps your mum was ill. I just can't fathom why she would treat you in that way :(. I think you are brave and strong to have come through all of that and hope your living arrangements with your dad now are much better!

    How is your life going now? You say in the thread title you are bisexual and proud but you don't mention it in your post. How are things at your school now?

    Stay strong Randy, you have been through a lot but from your post you seem like you have a lot courage and know the difference between what is right and what is wrong, and that's the best foundation anyone can have.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Nice to meet you, Great when joined here
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