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Would you tell him about the STD?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
A mate text me the other day in confidence, to say he got an STD from somebody he went on a date with (gonorrhea)...

Ummm anyway... This guy has gone on a date with my mate. I don't know if they have done anything, but I also don't know if I should let the other guy know the dude he likes and has dated a few times has the gonny...

I don't wanna sound like I'm imposing or anything... I mean it's not like it's especially my business, but I don't want my mate to get an STI!

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Maybe just drop some heavy hints about condoms (even during oral!) and stuff. Act like an overbearing mother and hope he gets the hint...

    But if it were me, I would probably spill, don't want a mate getting anything nasty.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well the guy who is seeing him now is HIV+ and open about it, so probably will use a condom?

    I've never had gonny... Surely it would show and he'd get it fixed.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I was in a similar situation at uni. Two of my friends had had a fling, then a bit later one of them got clamydia. She was no longer on good terms with him and I begged her to tell him but she wouldn't so in the end I told him myself, I just didn't want to see either of my friends suffer. It was a very awkward situation. Good luck to you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The symptoms can be internal, discharge isn't always present.

    If the other partner is HIV+ you can probably assume they're practicing safer sex, but it's no guarantee. And if he's HIV+ he's very vulnerable to infection. Maybe you could try saying to the guy with gonorrhoea that he needs to be open with his new partner? I guess if they're both your friends you trust them?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Namaste,

    It sounds like you feel you've been placed in quite a difficult position.

    I think everyone else is correct to suggest that as the guy is HIV+ he is much more likely to be aware of the needs to consider using a condom anyway, so you might take some reassurance from that.

    I couldn't quite work out from your original post whether the guy you're worried about potentially having gonorrhea is the one who's your friend or not? It just strikes me that the person with (or who had) gonorrhea is possibly the best person to tackle the issue.

    If it's your friend, then he's presumably been to an STI clinic and been treated if he told you? After all, Gonorrhea is a treatable STI. If it's the other guy, you might still be able to ask your friend whether he knows what the other guy did.

    STI clinics encourage someone with an infection to tell all their partners, so you might be able to ascertain if the other guy was tested and treated? If not your friend might be able to (with the help of the clinic possibly) encourage him to get that sorted.

    You may also want to think about how your friend would feel if you said something. Would it be a betrayal of trust? Would he feel it's something that it isn't your place to say? And a whole host of similar questions.

    I haven't got any answers to them, and don't think there are likely to be black and white answer anyway, but they may help you think about what you want to do.

    Will.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I understand your desire to protect your friend, but mentioning the 'infected' person's name/telling their secret after they revealed they had an STD to you in confidence leaves you open to being accused of betraying their trust.

    If it were me, when talking to your friend that went on a date with the person who's 'infected', I would try to establish if anything has happened up till now. If not, start dropping heavy hints about how one should, as a rule, get an STD test together with a new partner before doing anything. Emphasise it and make a point.

    And if something has already happened, then ask if either of them talked about getting tested beforehand, and plant a seed in your friend's mind of maybe they should really go for a test, 'just in case'...

    Think that's about as obvious as you can get without telling your friend outright! Ultimately it's your friend's responsbility anyway to protect themselves, not yours - you can only lead a horse etc and you'll have done your bit by dropping big hints
  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Posts: 9,235 Listening Ear
    Luce wrote: »
    I understand your desire to protect your friend, but mentioning the 'infected' person's name/telling their secret after they revealed they had an STD to you in confidence leaves you open to being accused of betraying their trust.

    If it were me, when talking to your friend that went on a date with the person who's 'infected', I would try to establish if anything has happened up till now. If not, start dropping heavy hints about how one should, as a rule, get an STD test together with a new partner before doing anything. Emphasise it and make a point.

    And if something has already happened, then ask if either of them talked about getting tested beforehand, and plant a seed in your friend's mind of maybe they should really go for a test, 'just in case'...

    Think that's about as obvious as you can get without telling your friend outright! Ultimately it's your friend's responsbility anyway to protect themselves, not yours - you can only lead a horse etc and you'll have done your bit by dropping big hints

    :yes:nice points and... Welcome Back! :wave:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :wave:Hey, thanks, didn't think absence would be noticed!
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