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Marriage Troubles...

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi,

This is hard to write, but its something i want honest opinions on with this situation...

I have been with my partner since 2006 and married since 2008

I have been thinking about someone else?


Our relationship is volatile, i believe she changed a lot after marriage and she can be very angry sometimes and i cant understand her ways of thinking, other times shes sweet and happy but its fair to say weve lost our spark, although it temporarily igntites.

Even the way she talks sometimes is in an angry way and ill say to her why are you talking like that, she will say what, ill say just the way your talking your being aggresive just try and talk with a normal tone! Anyway i wont digress with our argumentative details as perhaps that is not pertinant to the post?


We have a Son, he is 2-6mnths


I know i would of left before now if it wasnt for him, i know that sounds terrible, but it is true. (we had a great first 2 years)


A girl of a company at the same workplace as me has shown interest in me and i have let her know i like her, not in a big way but its obvious, i forgot how it felt to meet someone new, the beginning is such an exciting time and i wonder whether im caught up in that?


All i know is that i want to date her so bad and it just feels right, i know she wants it to but it would mean lying to my wife about where i am to take her out (dont think i could do that?) and see how we get on, maybe i owe it to my wife to leave her before i even do this but i dont want to?


I also think i owe it to my Son to stay with his mum, i could not bear not being around him it would kill me and i know if i left her she would try and make my life hell, she said exactly that before when we hit a low and were arguing.


I just want someone more calm nice and cuddly, shes changed so much from the person i met, i feel i have to suffer to keep the family together.

Its not about looks or anything, to be honest this new girl may not be as attractive and is not slim, im saying this so you know its not some young office girl in a skirt cos its not like that at all, its about charectar and attitude. I really like her and we click really well, it feels natural to pursue.

Obviously being unmarried and without child its easier to walk away as there is no "baggage"

Im confused how to play it...

If i ignore this new girl and continue with the marriage thats one option, but then obviously from the fact that ive written this im not exactly happy.

Also if i do start with this other girl maybe it will only be a short term thing as well and i may have regrets as i will have lost a connection with my Son

Views?

Thanks :-/

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Don't stay with your wife just for the sake of your son. It won't be fair on him for you pair just to be arguing all the time.

    If I were you, I'd only go out with this girl if and when you split up with your wife. I am not suggesting that you just split up with your wife - you must think carefully about splitting up.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You say your son is six months old. Did you have problems before your son was conceived and before he was born?

    If you didn't have problems before the birth of your son, then you need to think very carefully about what you want. Don't underestimate the stress of being a mother and having your entire life turned upside down. Don't underestimate the stress of having disturbed sleep, or having no sleep, don't underestimate just how much it can upset even the most mild-mannered people.

    The year after having a baby is incredibly hard, as you know, and it affects different people in different ways. Think about how you have been affected and think about how your wife has been affected before you think about leaving. People make decisions during this year that they often come to regret, one way or another, and I honestly think that you're being too hasty.

    get her parents or your parents to look after the baby for a few nights, book a hotel somewhere nice, get some sleep and see how you feel after that.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks very much for your responces.

    Arctic Roll, i made a mistake with my Sons age, he is 2 years and 6-7months.

    But your point is a valid one still and actually she did change after he was born, the first two years were fun, free and happy. The last three years have been ok, extremely bad and good

    Since he was born almost three years ago she has become much more judgemental about everyone and is very crtitical of people (like her mother i dare to say)

    You give some good advice, in fact we were just at Dorset in the beginning of April, that was amazing, but we still rowed about silly things, for example there was a plinth on the top of a massive hill and we argued as she didnt want to take a picture of me standing on it? sounds stupid but i can get my head round why that would be a problem! we were right there and i just wanted a picture as we may not go there again for 5 years?

    Another thing i hate is being accused, or even convicted of doing things i havent done, like i might see my Mum and then the next day i will say something to my wife and she will say that im only saying that because my mum told me too??? It drives me crazy and isnt true (my mums banned from our house btw) shes a "bad influence", shes not the best but not the worst either, that was too extreme in my book.

    I dont know...

    Im rambling on, im not perfect of course!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think that you owe it to your son to try and talk to her about how you feel before just running off with another girl as tempting as it may be. very few married people are happy 100% of the time, you have committed publicly to be with your wife and you should at least try and fix what is wrong with the relationship between you and her first.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi there Norwegian Rebel,

    Sorry to hear you are going through such a hard time with your marriage. It seems that your wife has changed since having your son, yet you still remember what she was like before when you fell in love with her. Have you spoken about this to her? Have you thought about whether you still love her? Aside from this other woman, it seems like there are many issues here that need facing.

    Making a marriage work is not easy, and sometimes many sacrifices are necessary. Would you consider couples counselling? As Melian mentioned if you are truly unhappy then perhaps staying for your son is not the right reason. You seem worried about losing a connection with him;
    i may have regrets as i will have lost a connection with my Son

    however if you do decide to seperate there is no reason why you shouldn't be able to share custody.

    Once you deal with all this, it could be worth thinking about this other woman. It seems there is a connection there, but if you jump into this without giving your marriage another chance you could either regret it or even jeopardize the new relationship you could have with this office woman.

    Let us know how you get on *hug*
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