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My Mental Health

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I had my second assessment appointment with my psychologist and psychiatrist today. It was overwhelming, like the first one. The system is really really slow and the waiting time between the appointments is very difficult. My first appointment was mid-March and I had to wait until today for the second one.

The whole thing was a hassle for me. I had to go into school in the morning, then leave at 10.30, then walk down the road to the taxi depot, then get a taxi there. The building was confusing and I had to ask some woman in the cafe next door to direct me. Then I had to wait for 10 minutes. Then the psychs talked to me for 45 minutes, basically asking me lots and lots of questions. Then I left and called a taxi and waited outside for 15 minutes until it came. I arrived at school intending to spend the rest of the day there but the lunch bell went about half an hour later and I decided to go home instead. I was starting to feel a bit more normal earlier in the evening but now I feel bad again.

The psych team want to refer me to the youth counselling place in town, for various reasons. I know that often their waiting list is like, 3 months or something. Three months is a long time for me. At the moment I see the mentor at school but I go on study leave in a few days time so I won't be seeing her again until mid-June, probably, when I go back to school again.

Everybody is worried about me...my parents, my teachers, my friends, the psych team, even myself. I don't want to be ungrateful for their concern but I don't feel like I am going anywhere, I don't feel like I have enough help but I don't even know what kind of help that I need; the psychiatrist asked me and I just said "I don't know". I realised afterwards that I had answered an awful lot of questions with "I don't know". I don't want them to think I'm wasting their time but sometimes I just really don't know what to do.

I am so sick of waiting around every day, month after month, year after year for things to get better when they just don't. I even admitted that the only reason I don't try to kill myself is because I'm scared that I won't succeed and then I will end up in even more trouble.

I don't see a future for myself. People flit from one minute thinking I'm going to be the next female Prime Minister or something stupid like that, to then thinking that I am going to totally fail my exams this year and end up living on disability benefits as an out-of-control schizoprenic. I don't have schizophrenia or anything by the way and I am not trying to offend anybody who does, I'm just saying that's what people have like, said to me.

Ok, this was just a really long rant. I can't even sum up how I'm feeling or anything. I don't even know why I'm posting this. I just honestly feel like I can't cope with anything anymore.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't really have anything to say except that I've been there and when they get the support right it gets better. Honest.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I am so sick of waiting around every day, month after month, year after year for things to get better when they just don't. I even admitted that the only reason I don't try to kill myself is because I'm scared that I won't succeed and then I will end up in even more trouble.

    *hug* i hear you.

    the assessment stage of any psychiatric or psychological care really is the most difficult part and once you have got past the assessment stage the proper help will be able to start, and that's what you really need, but you can't get to it until you've gone through the hard part. it really is worth hanging on for.

    when you think that you can't cope with anything, just think about how much you coped with in just one day yesterday. you can cope, and when you start to access the help you really need you will learn to cope much better.

    take one day at a time and be proud of yourself for every achievement you make, however insignificant it may seem.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for your replies. I'm trying to stay positive but most of me just feels like I've hit a wall where nothing is ever going to get better which I guess is naturally part of being depressed but even knowing that isn't enough to make me feel differently most of the time. If that makes sense? I don't know.

    Plus I have my AS exams now and they're making me so stressed out and when I'm really depressed I can't revise but then I feel more stressed about not revising enough and so on. My teachers are really worried that I'm going to just flunk my exams...and I'm like, normally a really high achiever, so my parents have really high expectations of me and I have really high expectations for myself too anyway. :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I did badly in my AS Levels but you can resit. Nothing is set in stone at this stage just do the best you can. If your concentration span is really short, try to work around it. It's not easy but it really is manageable if you take it really slowly and, like omg hi said, try to reward yourself for your achievements even if they are things that seem really small (like getting out of bed).
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I got in DEEE in my AS first time from subjects I'd got A* and A's in at GCSE coz my mental health was so unwell but I resat and got CCC.
    I know its really hard, but just do your best, as long as you realise and know you are doing the best you can at the moment, feeling the way you are you'll come out ok.
    If things get really hectic apply for mitigation.
    As for the psych teams I haven't really had much dealings with that (Drs just popped me straight on the pills) but omg_hi is right when she says its worth hanging on for the help. I finally found a great therapist and have come on such a long way.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    piccolo wrote: »
    I did badly in my AS Levels but you can resit. Nothing is set in stone at this stage just do the best you can. If your concentration span is really short, try to work around it. It's not easy but it really is manageable if you take it really slowly and, like omg hi said, try to reward yourself for your achievements even if they are things that seem really small (like getting out of bed).

    I forgot to say that having done badly in my AS Levels I managed (despite my mental health) to resit and carry on, got into the university I wanted, did OK in my degree and I'm now doing postgraduate study. So there is hope. That's what I meant to say last time...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My mental health team have an out of hours crisis team number that all patients are given. It might be worth phoning your psychiatrist if you can and asking if there is a service like this?

    It also may be possible for you to get the support of a CPN (community psychiatric nurse) especially if you are left for long periods of time without any support.
    CPN's usually visit either on a weekly, fortnightly or monthly basis depending on the
    current situation of the patient.

    Dont be afraid to ask for some more support but yes the assessment process is often the hardest.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi everyone.

    Thanks for all of your replies. The last few days I have mostly been feeling a lot better than when I first posted that. I seem to have a few weeks that are really bad followed by a few better weeks/days (it depends) and so on. I have suspicions that I may have cyclothymia...I think I might talk to the psychiatrist and psychologist about this next time that I see them although I have no idea when that will be. They said they would e-mail me this week...I hate it when people say that because I have been checking constantly for their e-mail, I can't seem to stop myself! It's so annoying.

    The psych team did give me a sheet with crisis numbers on them such as the relevant number of my local hospital etc. With the psych team that I am being seen by the opportunity to have a CPN would not be available because they are a really small team of like 5 people or something (one of them is a nurse but they see a lot of people so). Also, I live at home with my parents and two siblings, none of whom know I have serious problems and/or that I am being seen by the psych team.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The psychologist finally e-mailed me saying that she contacted the youth counselling centre and they have an appointment for me with a counsellor on wednesday evening. Usually the waiting list is like, 3 months long, so they must have pushed me through with priority status or something. They want to stop seeing me after I get settled at the counselling centre too.

    I thought that the psych team were going to do a written diagnosis of me which I would get to see and so would my GP, but they haven't said anything about it and now they want to get rid of me. I don't know what's going on.

    Exams are a mixed bag. English this morning was alright, I think. Politics in the afternoon went pretty badly. I had the misfortune of running into my teacher on my way out of the school too and ended up crying when he asked me how it went, how humiliating. He talked to me for a bit (he knows about my mental health problems) and told me to see the mentor for a bit tomorrow after my philosophy exam. I said ok but what am I even supposed to say to her? I don't know.

    Sorry, little rant there. I'm just really confused.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just tell people whatever you want to get off your chest. That's what they're for.

    I bet your exams went better than you think.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Little rant...

    I went to see the mentor on Tuesday after an exam. I had to wait half an hour because she was seeing someone else. Then she saw me. I was explaining about all the weird periods of moods I've been going through and how that has been seriously limiting the amount of revision I've been able to do and about how two of my exams went badly and I'm worried about it and I don't think it's fair that I might do badly just because of my health because otherwise I would be able to do these exams. She basically just told me it's normal to be stressed at exam time, that I probably did better than I think, and that I should just chill and go out with my friends. I know she meant well and she is a nice lady but seeing her was a waste of my time. I don't feel like she was taking me seriously at all. I know exam period is stressful for everyone but there is a difference to stressful and like, the moods that I've been having. And I have them even when it's not exam time.

    Yesterday I was supposed to meet my counsellor for the first time at the youth counselling centre. I was 15 minutes early and the place looked closed. I'd never been before so I wasn't really sure where to go. I rang the bell and nobody answered. I waited five minutes and rang the bell again and nobody answered again. I hung around a few more minutes and called the man who I was supposed to confirm my appointment time with. He didn't answer. I walked down the road and went on the internet to get the number of the counselling centre and called them but they didn't answer either. I don't know why but I was just...seriously panicking. I was going to go to the Connexions centre to ask them if they knew if the counselling place was open but Connexions was already closed by this time. So I basically ended up having a total breakdown and went to public toilets where I cried and self-harmed for about 20 minutes.

    After that I went into some shops and bought some stuff on impulse. I don't even know why. But I had money with me so...I just spent it...not a lot, like £20 or something. But that was almost all the money that I had with me so...I'm glad I didn't have more, I probably would have spent that on crap that I didn't need too. I don't even know why I did it because I'm not the kind of person who just buys things...eh oh well no real harm done anyway.

    Then somebody was calling me but I didn't answer because I didn't recognise the number. They left me a voicemail and it was the counsellor asking me to call them back. But I hate talking on the phone...especially in situations like that. So I didn't. I still haven't contacted them and I feel really guilty but I'm going to e-mail the place later today I hope.

    I had the worst night last night too. Spent hours crying. I don't even want to see the counsellor any more. I just feel like I've given up, because nobody is taking me seriously and nothing is helping me and I just don't even care any more.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I had the worst night last night too. Spent hours crying. I don't even want to see the counsellor any more. I just feel like I've given up, because nobody is taking me seriously and nothing is helping me and I just don't even care any more.

    I know what it's like to show up for an appointment and not get in, but the fact they called back means that they are taking you seriously and want to help. You just have to remember it takes time. If you don't like the phone, can you email the counsellor? Or maybe you could get your mentor to call for you?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't think the mentor really wants to get involved with me to be honest. I saw the sixth form advisor from like November until Easter when she left. And the mentor is just taking care of the sixth form until the end of this academic year and in September there will be a new sixth form advisor. And because I probably have one of the more difficult cases, I don't think she really wants to get too involved especially as I won't be seeing her much longer anyway. And of course at the moment she is taking care of everybody in the entire school who needs some support so it must be difficult for her.

    I have e-mailed the youth counselling centre explaining what happened yesterday and apologising. They haven't got back to me yet but I guess they will at some point or another.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have e-mailed the youth counselling centre explaining what happened yesterday and apologising. They haven't got back to me yet but I guess they will at some point or another.

    They will, don't worry xx
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