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Bad night- Cutting

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Last night this early morning. My family is away for all tonight, so I am on my own in the house, I like being on my own so it doesn't bother me. I was feeling ok so I thought I was going to be ok for tonight. But I was wrong, I suddenly flipped and wasn't thinking striaght, didn't really know what I was doing, breathing was bad, couldn't stop shaking, so I ended up going through my drawers to find the blade and I ended up cutting my arms up pretty bad. Anyways. Yeh I eneded up passing out. Suddenly woke up all really confused and shaking badly. I have work in 4hrs times which I don't have a clue how i'm going to do it as then I wouldn't of slept for 48hrs all together and I still wouldn't get back home intil around 8pm as 3-6 dogs to walk after work. Its now 3.25am a hour later after waking up and I still can't put the blade down which has caused me to do more cuts. Just don't know what to do anymore.

Sorry if this doesn't make much sense, I am still very confused and trying to get my surrondings back.


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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Midnight,

    Hope things have calmed down for you. Sounds like you were having a panic attack. Was there anything that you was thinking or doing that might of triggered this? You shouldn't be working today as you will not be at 100% and would need to rest and try and clear your head.

    If you feel the urge to cut again you could try and hold some ice or find something that is less destructive to yourself.
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    LauraOLauraO Posts: 535 Incredible Poster
    Hi Midnight,
    How are you doing today? did you manage to go to work yesterday? Hope you are feeling a bit better *hug*
    Have you seen this before, the an article on TheSite about coping tips and distractions. As JamieRamus said it might be a good idea to identify something you can try to do to distract yourself from cutting. Everyone's different, so you need to find something that works for you. Have you got any distraction techniques already?
    Hope things are looking up a bit today and please do keep posting :)
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    katypatatykatypataty Posts: 21 Boards Initiate
    Hey Midnight
    Just wanted to check in again and see how you were doing after Laura's post this morning?
    Hope the article on TheSite.org was helpful and please do come back if you want to chat.
    K ;)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I hope you're okay, it sounded like you had a pretty rough night. Can you talk to anyone about this? How about a family member or a close friend? If you don't want to talk to your parents then think about a cousin or aunt, or someone who is close enough to you so you can trust them but maybe not your immediate family.

    Keep smiling and posting. :wave:

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know I was thinking stuff over and over in my mind but couldn't get my mind round anything, I was starting to panick- I suffer from panick attacks alot-i'm always on guard that one is going to happen. My head hurt, everything was spinning to quickly.

    I looked at the article. I have tryed lots of stuff to distract myself from cutting but nothing is the same.

    I'm still not good. It seems to be getting worse and worse. I hate all these bad and sucidal thoughs, everythings building up and up and i'm just about to break down completely yet again. Why can't life be more easier? Its so bloody hard.
    Yeh I manged to go to work, it was hard but still did it.

    No i can't talk to anyone about this like family etc. I have always been on my own dealing with stuff. I don't know many of my family.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi midnight,

    Opening up about things can be really hard so it's understandable you're struggling to talk about it. But many people do find that talking about how they are feeling can be a relief, help them gain a different perspective and often the first step to getting more help and support.

    Of course, it isn't easy, so it can help to practice first. It's really good you are able to talk about things on here for example.

    One option might be to try calling the Samaritans. They are really kind and gentle. You don't need to have planned what you need to say or anything, you can just phone them up and say 'I don't know how to say this' or 'I find it hard to talk about this' and they will help make it easier for you. They even wait with you in silence if you struggle to talk for a while. Lots of people on here will tell you about good experiences they have had with the Samaritans.

    When you are feeling a bit stronger, or more able to talk about it, it might be worth going to your GP to talk through the experiences you are having. There's a bit more on how to do this here - sorry if you've already seen it.

    Do you reckon either of these sound possible?

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think I may be able to do something, i'm not sure.

    I can't think straight, I'm all over the place, I have all this bad thoughts going over and over its getting worse. I keep cutting intil most of the time I pass out. Everythings getting worse. Head is always spinning its like i'm not even there half the time. I'm getting so tired so quickly, I never used to. I don't know anymore, I don't know anything anymore. I want all the hurt and pain to go away but it seems it never will. I derserve all I get, I don't belong anywhere, I hate who I am, I'm nothing, not important, worthless, useless. I wish I was dead so badly, I regret the other times trying to end my life not working so badly. It feels easier just to give up. Why am I still alive?
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