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Thinking of someone else?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I have been having sex since I was 16 (Im now 24), with a variety of partners long-term and short-term. However apart from twice in my whole life, Ive never been able to climax with a partner without cutting my mind to dirty porno Id watched or some sexual scene Ive created in my head. Im worried how I can break out of this pattern. I still enjoy sex and foreplay but I can never reach climax until I picture a scene which takes ages to concentrate - plus it takes me away the intimacy with my partner, its really bothering me. At the start of my relationships Im like a rabbit but because of this issue, it always dwindles and I end up breaking it off. I feel I HAVE to do this though in a way so the guy doesnt get paranoid that hes not making me cum, and how can i explain...'I have to think of something but you'.

Im in a great relationship now to the point I think he could be the one. We're moving in together and it feels great. The sex has been the best. And for the first time I told this guy about this problem and I was worried, he said it doesnt matter how you get there and tried to reassure me. Im just scared what with moving in together what if the sex dwindles as sex becomes an issue for me again. Now we're living together it would be even harder to hide the fact I dont want to have sex and hes a sexual person. At the moment its great still but its already niggling in my mind and a few times I have felt not as close to him. I feel at this age I should have been able to overcome this and I want to cum over the thought of being with him.

I think its worth mentioning all the things I imagine are completely different to my sex life - like things I wouldnt do - like girl on girl, hardcore domination. Its just screwing with my mind because I wouldnt do thay stuff at all in real life - I want to remedy this but I just dont know how. I have been with a girl before sexually when i was 13 and it made me feel a bit sick in the morning, although I have enjoyed drunk kisses with girl mates on a night out I wouldnt see at something I would want to pursue sexually. I just see them as mates. But I love men, sexually and just being around guys. I just see women as sex objects when I think about it in my head and not relationship material - maybe thats the appeal?. I have tried slight forms of domination but never like my imagination. SO please any advice would be greatly received I dont know what I can do to fix this and I would hate this to become an issue in this relationship:confused:


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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Having fantasies in your mind and sometimes using these when you're having sex is not abnormal. The jokes about men feeling sick when wanking because Anne Widdecombe or someone pops into their mind at the point of orgasm are funny because they're true- you can't always control what you're thinking about. If it's any consolation, it's fairly likely in my opinion that your partner will also be fantasising about something or other, at least sometimes.

    Have you considered opening up more to your partner about your fantasies? Both of you will understand that many of your fantasies will always remain that- fantasies- but it might give you ideas for doing new things. If you fantasise about hardcore BDSM you might want to explore role-playing more moderate BDSM, for instance.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i have no ideas in my mind.
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