Marriage..all it's cracked up to be?

Former Member

I have always thought marriage as a wonderful thing. However my step dad is divorced (hence he met my mum) my real parents are divorced, my step mum is divorced (hence she met my dad) my 3 aunties are divorced...I mean statistics show that 6 out of 10 marriages end in divorce or something.

I go to weddings and see how happy the people are - then I fast forward a few years and they have let themselves go, moan that they never have sex, argue about money and stuff..then maybe divorce! Why is this? My grandparents were happily married...is love simply not what it used to be? Are men today more driven by sex hence the reason they cheat, leave their wives? I am not married but the way I feel at the moment - can't see myself changing my mind. 20 grand seems like a lot to spend on a big party that might not last forever... anyway that is my view

Former Member

People are no happier in marriage than they used to be, what's changed is that a woman in an unhappy or abusive marriage now has the power to leave it. It's really hard to walk away from a marriage when you're completely reliant on your husband for money to put food on the table and a roof over your head, and in a culture where women are expected to stay at home with the babies rather than working. We've moved towards a culture where women have power and women have financial self-determination, which means that if they do divorce then they will be able to support themselves without a husband.

That's not to say women are to blame for divorce, it's just to point out that if divorce will make you destitute then sticking with an obnoxious husband is suddenly quite a tempting choice.

For all the talk of marriages failing, it should be pointed out that all the statistics show that couples who marry tend to stay together and, when they don't stay together, the relationship lasts longer before failing. When you factor in children, a co-habiting couple with a child under five are significantly more likely to separate than a married couple with a child under five. Marriage doesn't stop you splitting up if your relationship is dead in the water, but it does keep things going longer and it does make it less likely that your relationship will be dead in the water in the first place. It's only one in three marriages that fail; it's six out of ten cohabiting relationships that fail.

I'm obviously lucky in that my family have all got long and happy marriages; none of my immediate family have divorced, and it's the same story on my wife's side. We've been married six years after marrying at 21, my parents have been married 34 years (since my mum was 17 in fact) and my wife's parents have been married 31 years. all my aunts and uncles are still married and all my wife's aunts and uncles are still married, as are her grandparents (who are celebrating 56 years of marriage next month). Both my grandparents and my wife's other grandparents remained married right up until they became widowed.

I don't think you should take such a jaundiced view of marriage. Even on a cynical level, it does give you more legal and financial protection if you do separate. As for the cost, you only have to spend twenty grand if you want to. We spent about six grand and we had a massive party; we could have comfortably spent half that if we'd had to.

Former Member

I dont have any advice, only to say that i feel the same. When (and if) i get married, i want it to be forever, not gettig divorced 10 years down the line.

I also hate hearing people moan about their other halfs, how they can never have any fun with their missus around etc, i'd hate to be in a marriage like that

Former Member

My parents have been married for 45 years, both sets of grandparents made it over 60. My brother has been married for 21 years and its my 19th anniversary in August.

Just because others don't stay married for ever doesn't mean that you won't.

Former Member

My answer yes it is!!
I have been married for 13 yeras this year been together 15 so i was 20 when i met my lovely hubbi.
I never ever moan about him because he is my best friend lover and soul mate all rolled into one.
Most people who get divorced stop communicating, take each other for granted, think the grass is greener, stop making an effort with their appearnce or partnership its a whole lot of things.
I think a marriage works when u respect your other half and visa versa, you talk things throu and think how the other half feels in the agumanet not just youself, also its good to spend time together but still keep your own friends.
The biggest thing thou is Trust and showing your partner you can be trusted, most people don't realise it take effort to keep a marriage happy and working.
So think carefully b4 u go and waste alot of money x x x x x

Former Member

Marriage is like a long fight against cancer. And divorce is your chemotherapy. While it promises cure you are sometimes worse off than before.

Former Member

StrubbleS wrote: »

Marriage is like a long fight against cancer. And divorce is your chemotherapy. While it promises cure you are sometimes worse off than before.

I don't usually get upset about other peoples opinions but when you can compare marriage to cancer thats Horrible, i wonder if you know how a battle against cancer can be strubbles? Lets hope u never have to face the battle ay? x

Former Member

I think it depends on a lot of things. My parents have been married for 24 years in May. A friend has been married for 10 years in June. When we out on Thursday, he did say that a few times they were close to splitting up.

Weddings are as expensive as you want them to be. Some people have small and cheap weddings and others have big and expensive weddings.