Bereavement

Former Member

I'm not overly active on here nowadays but some of you may recall my grandad died a few days before christmas. He'd been in a bad way for a while so it wasn't a surprise, but still very awful. It's been nearly 3 months now and I've been through the whole thinking about him every day and crying most nights stage, but now I actually keep forgetting he's died. It feels like it never happened almost. It's probably because I've been away from home and busy with uni work so haven't been round to my nans house yet - I don't think it will hit me til I go round and realise he's not there. Last time I went round was for the funeral so I was sort of in a daze. I know it's different for everyone but this is the first time I've ever lost someone close to me. My relationship with my other grandparents has been very on/off all my life so my grandad was really special to me. It still hurts to think he's gone and I know when I go round to my nans it's going to feel like there's a gaping hole missing. I'm not sure if I'll be able to keep my composure. I just keep wondering when I'll start feeling better, or if it will always be like this?
Thanks in advance.

Former Member

Ballerina wrote: »

but now I actually keep forgetting he's died.

[...]

or if it will always be like this?

That's normal for every kind of loss. Memories make the life beautiful, but forgetting makes it bearable. Forgetting and getting over something are essential, ingrained biological processes and not accessory symptoms of just not being confronted with it daily.

You will not always be like this, because now you are not how you've been shortly after his death anymore.

Former Member

You'll not always be like this, because like Stubs said, you're not currently like you were just after he died, or at the funeral.

That said, I was very close to my grandma, who died ten years ago now, and there are still times when I really miss her and it feels very raw. But like you said with being away at university. The rest of life carries on and gets in the way of always thinking back. I also know that nothing lasts forever, and generally she'd be really proud of what I'm doing now, which is one of the many things that encourages me, so I know I still have the benefits of our friendship in my life today even though she's not here any more.