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Maybe or maybe not?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I always told myself that my probelms are nothing aparted to other people, I still believe it.
I can't stop crying, I never used to cry but the last year its been getting to much. I can't stop shaking and its getting worse. I can never calm down now, i'm on alert that something is going to happen. I will just sit there just looking at the same thing for hours trying to get my thoughts together. I can't stop thinking about ending my life- I tryed ending it twice and i regret it not working :crying: I don't see the point of going on because i know its never going to get better, its been nearly 6years now. People I know just make me feel worthless like i'm nothing, maybe its true. I want to live but don't know how much longer i can carry on fighting it. I haven't self-harmed for 2days but the urge is to stong. its making me feel worse.
I can't stop crying, I never used to cry but the last year its been getting to much. I can't stop shaking and its getting worse. I can never calm down now, i'm on alert that something is going to happen. I will just sit there just looking at the same thing for hours trying to get my thoughts together. I can't stop thinking about ending my life- I tryed ending it twice and i regret it not working :crying: I don't see the point of going on because i know its never going to get better, its been nearly 6years now. People I know just make me feel worthless like i'm nothing, maybe its true. I want to live but don't know how much longer i can carry on fighting it. I haven't self-harmed for 2days but the urge is to stong. its making me feel worse.
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have you spoken to anyone about how you feel? do people around you know about what's going on?
your problems might feel to you like they are insignificant, but if they are stopping you from living a normal life then they are beyond the normal troubles of day to day living and need addressing.
when you say that you are 'on alert that something is going to happen', what is it that you are frightened of?
Like the above said, have you talked to anyone about how you're feeling or looked anywhere else for help? It might seem like now that things can never get better, but it's possible that may change, or your outlook on things will change.
The simple truth is that if you cannot lead your life to the full because of sadness and self-harm and depression, then you are entitled to feel that you have problems. There'll always be someone worse off, but it isn't a competition, you don't get a prize for being the illest person. If you're ill you're ill, never mind what anybody else is feeling.
You say that you have been suicidal and depressed and self harming for six years. Have you ever sought help from your doctor or counsellor or anyone in those six years? Having depression is an illness just like any other and you shouldn't feel scared about seeking help for it. Your problems are not inconsequential, your problems are just as valid as anyone else's.
Well done on being brave enough to post here, it takes a lot of courage. If you haven't been to a GP, you might want to think about going. If you don't know how to put your feelings into words print out this page and show that to your GP. They will understand and they will listen.
And if you don't feel up to that yet, please stay and vent here if you have to. Your experiences and emotions are valid and people want to hear about them. Don't hide them all away any longer.
Who are the people around you who make you feel bad, and why do you allow them to do so?
You are not worthless!
I'm fightened of if i try to end life again and then no turning back. If I came across anything sharp any tablets. I've just had enough of feeling this way, i just want it all to stop.
I can't see gp or anyone. I don't like new people and don't trust anyone. I will shut myself of which then i can't hear the person speaking, i don't mean it, it just happens.
The people who make me feel bad are my family and people i used to know. At secondary school all the my teachers used to pick on me every lesson, they used to go on and on at me, being really horrible and mean, they used to say its all my fault and i'm to blame. And lots of other students the whole time, the teahers saw it all but they didn't stop them. One reason they said it was my fault was because i didn't speak. I've finished school now but its all still fresh in my mind. my family make me feel worthless and no good and they say i do everything wrong. my mum had seen some cuts on my arm but she said nothing. my dad doesn't want to know me. They don't treat my other sister this way- why me?.
It's sad to hear that you were and still are treated that way at school and at home. It really sound's like your feelings of worthlessness are taking over your life. It's great that you have been able to post here with your thoughts and people in this commnity will support you the best they can, but eventually, if you want help to feel better you may have to put your trust in someone that can help? Like GP or mental health professional... As has been suggested, you could always print out this thread as it explians your feelings really well.
You've spoken about things being your fault and that you are to blame...what do you feel that you are to blame for?
If your parents have seen your cuts and not said anything, it might be beacuse they do not know what or how to say what they want to say. If you want to talk about it with them - could you speak to them openly?
Take care
I feel i'm to blame because of being who i am, not being able to speak to people, being useless, for being alive.
No i can't speak openly to them now, what they think of me and how they treated me, i don't think i can do.
I want it all to end now. I really can't at cope anymore :crying:
- Gp?
- Couseller ?
- Therapist?
- Friend?
- Family
And so on...?
How has your couseller let you down?
You don't mention your GP, could you try re gaining all the trust you've lost some how, how many counsellers have you been through? *hug*
Don't know my gp, i'm not in a place at minute to talk to anyone new. 3 cousellors i think. I couldn't talk to any of them so they got annoyed so i wrote it down instand. I thought counselloring was meant to be the cousellor doesn't say anything to anyone but 2 of them did. I put my trust into them and told them really everything. They said they couldn't help me and just left me and never asked to see me again.
so sorry to here your experiences with counsellors didn't go well for you *hug*
I know you've explained your trust issues and I can completely understand that if you feel let down it's hard to open up again but I really think you need to try. It doesn't have to be immediate and you can choose who you open up to.
I'm not sure how you've come into contact with the services you've tried already were they through school or a gp?
Have you tried calling the samaritans or similar? Sometimes it can be easier to talk when it's not face to face.
dp
They can tell someone if they believe you're a danger to yourself or others.
No i haven't tryed calling samaritans or anyone as my mum looks at the calls we make and I only have enough money to put on my mobile for what I need at minute.
Melian- Yeh true. I never told them about any scuide attempts. They know self-harm. Its was my tutors she told but other students in my class heard all of it. Tutors I can see why now but the students shouldn't of heard as they told their friends which then they will know. Thats what really got to me.