Too independent for a relationship?

Former Member

Hi guys, I'm just wondering what you all think about being independent and having your own space in relationships.

I absolutely love my own space and don't feel the need to see my boyfriend every day. I get the feeling he would quite happily have us move in together, but we've not discussed this directly as we've not been together long

So do I need someone who likes their own space as much as me do you think?

Also, I'm not even sure I'm ready to live with another person. I'm very independent. I'm not a needy person, but I do love having a boyfriend. Although I guess for these reasons, I don't make him feel as needed as much as he'd like to me to.

I'm just a bit confused I guess, as to whether I can have a successful relationship being who I am.

Former Member

Of course you will have a successful relationship.

The key to this is communication, I'm a very needy boyfriend even when I try not to be, but I do understand when people want there own space. I explain that I'm very needy and if I'm being too needy to tell me.

Have you discussed this matter with your boyfriend? Explaining that you do care about him but enjoy your own space will help him understand you. Relationships are about compromise (as they say), your boyfriend should understand your independence and above all respect it, whilst at the same time you should ensure that you make him feel like he is needed. Ask him to tell you when he feels unneeded, so you can reassure him.

Don't know if this will help. :P

Former Member

He just needs to understand that you like having space. From his point of view its probably easier than a very needy girlfriend.

Former Member

I'm not entirely sure. A lot of guys (me being one of them) really like girls being needy, sounds weird, but it makes you feel more...... loved in a way.

Some are the complete opposite of course. :P

Former Member

I agree Monkey, I think he would love for me to be more needy. And although we have spoken about it, I think it does still cause problems.

I like to feel secure in a relationship, and so I don't feel the need to be needy. It reflects insecurities, and I don't really feel as though I have enough of those to be needy. This is of course not the case in every relationship, but I feel strangely relaxed in this one :yes:

Former Member

A_Monkey wrote: »

I'm not entirely sure. A lot of guys (me being one of them) really like girls being needy, sounds weird, but it makes you feel more...... loved in a way.

Some are the complete opposite of course. :P

I'm the opposite, I'm a guy and I quite strongly dislike needy girls, sure I like to feel like I'm wanted but I think girls acting constantly needy is a put off, for me anyway! As much as I like someone I will want my own space, I have my own stuff to do but I would also want to spend time with the girl

In reality theres a huge range of people who have diffrence preffrences about needyness buts all about finding a healthy middleground for each side, thats whats going to make a successful relationship

Former Member

let's hook up nicole. I am so un-needy, most of the time you wonder if I am still alive.

Former Member

StrubbleS wrote: »

let's hook up nicole. I am so un-needy, most of the time you wonder if I am still alive.

Thanks for the offer strubbles, but that's a bit too extreme :eek: lol!

RichTBiscuit

I think only you will know the answer to this. :chin:

All I'll say is that everyone's different! Personally I was waaaaayyy to indepedant to have a meaningful relationship. When I met my girlfriend :flirt: though that all changed and now we live together. So by all means work out where you're at now, but don't presume you'll always be like that. :yippe:

That's the best advice I can offer! :thumb: *hug*

Former Member

I don't think I am, RichT, and I do want to be in a relationship. But things just don't seem to be working out...

Former Member

Well, most relationships, we don't care if we see each other every day but I want to see someone more than once a week. Maybe 3 times a week if we're not living together.

Seeing someone every day seems like a lot. I don't think I would see someone every day simply because I have a life outside of them. The exception would be if we worked or were in the same classes.

Former Member

Three times a week would be cool, maybe even four. But I think it's more about the way I am acting. Like I don't need anybody on an emotional level, apparently...

I'm so confused as to why my feelings aren't coming across. I feel helpless.