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Lack of affection drove us apart...but can it be changed?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Im going to cut a very long story as short as possible.
Im 24 years old. My partner of 1 year and I split up in january after constant on/off arguments and tit for tat trust issues.
We have been trying to be friends and see eachother less often, with the ultimate goal of being able to get the relationship back on track, but the arguments have not stopped
I have spent a LOT of time thinking things over the past few days, and have mentally managed to strip it all back to one underlying issue.
he doesn't give me enough affection. He never has.
He says he's just not the type of guy to give lots of affection - but to me, it seems so natural to want to hug, kiss and be close to the one you love. It left me always feeling so rejected, and led to sexual issues because to me, affection leads to intimacy.
When we were together, I tried letting go of these insecurities, and if i felt like hugging and kissing him, I did! But i rarely got much in return. I tried "sulking" - to see if he'd come to cheer me up...it didnt work. He just laid in bed like a stone.
I believe this is what led to the arguments, because it made me insecure, so id push him to see how much he really did care.
He says he loves me and wants us to work, he says I made him very happy. Before me, he used to sleep around a lot, and he is not used to the things expected of him from a relationship. Conversations with his mum have proved he never was affectionate, not even as a child, especially after his dad walked out, he hasnt allowed himself to be close to anyone.
So my question is, is this something that can be changed? Or should I cut my losses and move on? He knows how I feel, and we both agree there is SOMETHING that stops us from wanting to let eachother go...but a relationship should not make me this unhappy.
Im 24 years old. My partner of 1 year and I split up in january after constant on/off arguments and tit for tat trust issues.
We have been trying to be friends and see eachother less often, with the ultimate goal of being able to get the relationship back on track, but the arguments have not stopped
I have spent a LOT of time thinking things over the past few days, and have mentally managed to strip it all back to one underlying issue.
he doesn't give me enough affection. He never has.
He says he's just not the type of guy to give lots of affection - but to me, it seems so natural to want to hug, kiss and be close to the one you love. It left me always feeling so rejected, and led to sexual issues because to me, affection leads to intimacy.
When we were together, I tried letting go of these insecurities, and if i felt like hugging and kissing him, I did! But i rarely got much in return. I tried "sulking" - to see if he'd come to cheer me up...it didnt work. He just laid in bed like a stone.
I believe this is what led to the arguments, because it made me insecure, so id push him to see how much he really did care.
He says he loves me and wants us to work, he says I made him very happy. Before me, he used to sleep around a lot, and he is not used to the things expected of him from a relationship. Conversations with his mum have proved he never was affectionate, not even as a child, especially after his dad walked out, he hasnt allowed himself to be close to anyone.
So my question is, is this something that can be changed? Or should I cut my losses and move on? He knows how I feel, and we both agree there is SOMETHING that stops us from wanting to let eachother go...but a relationship should not make me this unhappy.
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Comments
Affection and making your partner feel wanted are so important.
If you dont feel loved and cherished by your partner, youre on a fast track to your self esteem going through the floor. I also think after only a year you shouldnt be arguing all the time or feeling untrusting of each other
This is spot on
Welcome to the boards :wave:
You seem to know quite well what has brought this break up on, and why you have been feeling unhappy during this relationship;
It is important to know what you want and need, and it seems that he has not been providing it for you. Perhaps the reason to get back together would be for you to accept how he is, rather than hoping he will change, especially as his mum mentioned he has never been affectionate before.
Indeed people can change sometimes, however it takes a lot of time and patience - and is out of your control. Think about what you really want and whether it is all worth it.
*hug*