Socially Inept

Former Member

I know this is a bit random, but I think I am socially inept and I think a lot of people think I'm thick...

I actually can't read people emotionally, I often have trouble following conversation and I think I annoy people because I talk and don't think about what I am saying (though I am never nasty... I can't remember the last time I was mean about somebody). I never get in to arguments and I'm quite accepting of other people, I think. I am good at my job as well and have people in and out of work who I spend time with.

I don't feel like I fit in anywhere, or like anybody understands me...

I have a lot of energy and I'm always doing something or other, but I think I get too excited about things, or too focussed... In fact, I get incredibly focussed about something (currently focussed on certain political topics and on working out, almost obsessively).

I get the impression that some people don't like me... But how do I tell if they don't like me or if they do? I feel like some people patronise me, though I sometimes come across as slow and don't get social queues, I have a good mind for holding information and finding it in my head.

Why do I always feel like I don't fit in?

Can anybody else relate?

Former Member

Namaste wrote: »

I talk and don't think about what I am saying

I have a friend like this. Sometimes I just think :banghead: - especially some of his reactions to things.

I can relate to a lot of what you said.

Former Member

Namaste wrote: »

I don't feel like I fit in anywhere, or like anybody understands me...

I can compltely relate, but I'm really not coping all that well with it at the moment so not sure I can help.....

Former Member

I seem to remember you saying before that you are dyspraxic, is that right? Dyspraxia is more than being poor with numbers and being a bit clumsy, it can impact on your ability to read social situations and the like. Have you ever had lessons or support to deal with your dyspraxia to learn new techniques?

I can relate with the whole foot-in-mouth thing. I have an uncanny ability to talk about things that are really hurtful without even knowing it, such as talking about babies to someone who'd had an abortion that afternoon in secret. It's not fair sometimes.

Former Member

Arctic Roll wrote: »

I seem to remember you saying before that you are dyspraxic, is that right? Dyspraxia is more than being poor with numbers and being a bit clumsy, it can impact on your ability to read social situations and the like. Have you ever had lessons or support to deal with your dyspraxia to learn new techniques?

I can relate with the whole foot-in-mouth thing. I have an uncanny ability to talk about things that are really hurtful without even knowing it, such as talking about babies to someone who'd had an abortion that afternoon in secret. It's not fair sometimes.

I do have dyspraxia... It has been recommended that I get tested for ADD by a learning support person. I kinda wonder sometimes, if my 'difficulties' are related to mild autism, or something related...

I had a bit of support in university, but never on the social side of things.

The things I say, they aren't insensitive... They are just... Inappropriate to the situation, as somebody might make a statement and I won't get it, or I'll look in to it too deeply (I think really deeply about a lot of stuff)...

A lot of my friends are much older than me as well. I don't often really understand people my own age.

In an ideal world, I wouldn't have to work with other people often, or sit in on meetings, where I can't hold the attention span for it anyway. I don't hate people, I just prefer to do most things on my own...

But I do worry that I piss people off, or alienate them.

Former Member

I can relate to some of that, I don't fit in with society and have had obsessions and fascinations with things for as long as I can remember. Not that I'm socially inept, I just can't be bothered with most people so remain detached and live in my head instead when I'm around them.

Do you understand sarcasm, irony in humour?

Former Member

My brothers like that and he has aspergers. He doesn't always follow conversation and will suddenly strike up something completely unrelated while you're talking about something else. He doesn't read people well either and often gets misunderstood. He also takes things quite literally and doesnt always understand sarcasm ect, but he's getting better. Might be worth looking into?

Former Member

Mild case of autism it sounds like. Did you find that as a child something would need to be explained to you in specific terms, where other children would just "get it".

ie if you did something wrong.

Former Member

Whowhere wrote: »

Mild case of autism it sounds like. .

Well you are dyspraxic, which is mildly on the spectrum. maybe youre slightly more HFA/aspie than dyspraxic?. I dont mean that as a bad thing

Former Member

Aside from the dyspraxia stuff, I could've written 99% of what Namaste has written in this thread. I think I can now finally see why a friend thinks I have Autism too.

Former Member

I can relate. Like you I don't say mean things, I try my best to be polite and not dominate a conversation but I rarely feel I fit in with people. The only place I came close was at University where I was with people more like me and the conversations were more random anyway.

Not matter how hard I tried to fit in at school I could not and I feel post uni adulthood is going to be similar. I just come across as either weird or nerdy or both.

Former Member

Hi Namaste,

First here is a *hug* ! It cant be easy to know these things about yourself and not be sure how to change them or improve them in these social situations.

It is important to make sure your close friends know what your situation is and for them to be understanding. When meeting new people this can be a tough though - have a look at this article from Sel about her experiences when living with dyspraxia.

Have you been to see you GP about this? Perhaps he could refer you to a professional who could help you deal with this. Learning difficulties can be hard to explain and even understand, so perhaps be patient with people you meet - they might be unsure about you at first, but try not to let this discourage you - it can take time to get to know others and like them.

Good to know people here can relate to you as well

Former Member

im dyspraxic too and often think that other people must think i am so slow because i take ages to get something, even if it's explained to me multiple times. a lot of what you are saying though is what you think that people think of you. are there any actual signs that people get frustrated by you or think you are slow?

i am guilty of this myself, i think that people are always thinking the worst of people. but the way you come across on here, it does not seem you are socially inept at all. i get why you might feel that way, i'd feel uncomfortable in situations like meetings at work, meeting someone new etc. i think we are all guilty of 'slipping up' or saying the wrong thing. i tend to say the first thing that comes into my head and get weird looks from people but it's their problem not mine. my friends know i'm not thick and they accept it's just one of the many rachael-esque things i do.

it does seem like you are really aware of your own behaviour and spotting any obsessions and i dont mean to belittle your problem but to me anyway, it reads like you are being particularly hard on yourself today and not giving yourself credit. i've watched your vid on dyspraxia on youtube and you do seem like a thoughtful and consciencentious (oh my god how do you spell that word??) person. maybe you arent giving yourself enough credit, but if you are really concerned, like others have suggested. go to the dr and get him to refer you to an educational psychologist.

hope things work out either way!