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Depressed
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I feel my existence is worthless as I'm so lonely at school and I actually don't have a life or even actual friends. My OLD 'friends' have drifted apart and they couldn't careless about me anymore. I hardly know my bestfriend and it feels we are two strangers who even struggle to find stuff to say. She's off with new friends and I'm stuck in this fucking crap life, doing jack shit and wasting my life away. I can't tell anyone for fear of being blamed or ridiculed because my life is SHITTY. I have nothing to do in free time at school and time just seems to tick on by, one step closer to death. I pretend everything is ok but inside I feel hurt, lonely and depressed. Life hasn't turned out like I'd hoped and school is a shithole even though I say everything is ok to my parents. I just feel my existence is pointless. When there are so many other people who need a life, I'm wasting mine doing fuck all and am extremely dissatisfied with it. Even if I died I don't think anyone would care, maybe my parents but no one else, it would just be liike "oh yeah she's dead". No1 would care and no one would be effected by it. Just one less person in the 1 billion million around the world. I even got told that someone would laugh if I died. Fed up, bored of the same routine, life never is fun.
-I'm really sorry if this doesn't belong here as I'm new and just needed somewhere to rant as no-one would care what I had to say or would think me strange or creepy or emo-ish. Plus my parents would be overly worried and disappointed and I don't want to hurt them.
-I'm really sorry if this doesn't belong here as I'm new and just needed somewhere to rant as no-one would care what I had to say or would think me strange or creepy or emo-ish. Plus my parents would be overly worried and disappointed and I don't want to hurt them.
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welcome to TheSite.org, you've come to the right place to talk about your feelings - your post is really welcome here.
I've just moved it so that others can see and reply more easily as the other thread is in a bit of limbo at the moment.
What year are you in at school at the moment?
I felt like you do at school and university was a Godsend. I know it's a long way off but it's something to look forward to.
What do you want to study?
The joy of university is that you can do what you enjoy and it's easy to be a bit more motivated.
Are you in the US? I get that impression from how you describe school and stuff.
No haha, I'm in the UK, although I called it high school.. and you are from? also thanks for the reply picolo and helen.
Ah, OK, cool. I only asked because most of us here are UK based. Don't worry about finding things tough in the first year of A Levels, that's totally normal, it's a huge leap from GCSE. I found the jump up to university comparatively easy to make.
I've slightly derailed from what you originally asked, sorry. But be reassured that school is universally shit.
If you're feeling seriously like you might hurt yourself, always try to make contact with someone even if it's over a helpline like the Samaritans. And if you haven't done so already, try to make contact with a GP so that there's someone to talk through options about how to deal with your low mood.
i guarantee you that other people would care if you were dead, anyone you've ever encountered would care, they would be completely traumatised and would never forget that it had happened. it might feel like you are totally alone in the world, but there are people who would be truly devastated if anything happened to you. people at school, teachers, other students, neighbours, your wider family... all of them would hit with such overwhelming sadness and guilt that they hadn't realised that you were so unhappy. and you would leave a void in your parents' lives that could never be filled. however much it feels like it, we don't exist in a bubble; we reach out to so many people without even realising it, even if it's only on a superficial level.
i agree with piccolo that school is such a shit time for so many people, and the only saving grace is that it's not forever and you've nearly finished. making plans for the future after you leave can be the biggest motivator to get your head down and work hard now. as long as you are studying or working for a better future you are never wasting your life. education can seem never ending and it can feel like you'll never make it to the real world, but it will be over before you know it and you'll be able to do whatever you want to make sure that your life isn't wasted. you can be whoever you want to be, never believe otherwise.
this is true. i have been there, many times and i know how hard it is to see outside of whats in your head. but it will get better.
School was a really terrible time for me too. I found I never really fitted in and all of my old friendship groups split up, I didn't really know where to turn. I was also too strong-minded to get help, and that was a mistake. I was also desperate to get to uni, for the same reasons as you. It does get better.
Could you maybe concentrate on your education so you get to uni?