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dreading friday

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Sometimes you do things hat are really stupid and you know theyre stupid but do them anyway. Friday is gonna be a lot like that.

For the past few weeks I've been struggling really badly, infact longer than that. I don't want to repeat myself or bore anyone but Im getting worse.

I started a new job mid-June and its great. I get on really well with everyone and I love it. But at the same time my life outside work is non-existent. I feel fine when i'm working but as soon as I'm home I feel really bad. I've started drinking but now Im taking aspirin too. Not enough to kill me but enough to put me in pain for a couple of days and make my stomach bleed.

Anyway, I've been here before. That's how I started at christmas and I ended up in hospital.

It feels the same again. When I'm at work and I'm happy I feel like I can cope and then when I'm back home I feel suicidal. All I've got in my mind is wait till friday, then I'll drink a big bottle of vodka and take another large aspirin overdose. I don't want to die. In fact I wanna do it on friday so i can be back at work on monday.

My mind changes every five mins if i want to do it or not but then i've been here before and gone through with it before.

I need distracting away from my feelings but there's nothing to distract my mind!

:(
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi, have you been to the doctors about how your feeling? I'd go to them and tell them what you told us. To distract your mind you could think about going to a gym or something like that, but like i said go to the doctors first and see how things go.

    Take care
    Amy
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    what you are doing is self harm, punishing yourself for something. you really need to see a counsellor no matter what your work think. they dont even have to know. that sort of thing is confidential. I mean it mate, im worried about you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i had been to the docs a few years ago n she put me on anti-depressants, which i used to save up and over-dose and i saw a cpn but when i was seein him i felt ok n he discharged me twice.

    I swing. I'm either totally normal and happy or extremely suicidal. When I feel suicidal all I want to do is harm myself and when i'm happy I have no need to seek help cos I'm fine.

    I hate living like this.

    One day I'm gonna O.D. and they wont be able to help me n i'm gonna die, n i dont want to and its gonna shock everyone that knows me n it'll kill my mum but I can't stop it!

    :(
    ________
    Love Lyrics Dicussion
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hi, Rainbow is right.
    The best thing would be to go to the doctor again and they will be able to help you sort out a councillor or something.

    Take care
    Amy
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    youre thinking of yourself as a victim, saying this is what i do - i save my tablets up then im gonna OD. well manc, you dont have to do that, you can make a concious effort to take them properly as prescribed. Youre in control of your own life, youre not a bystander who just has to stand by and watch you do it to yourself. you can take control and bit by bit get yourself sorted out. as long as you dont expect instant results.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ilson - read mancs post `i give up` further down the page.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Ilson-Youth
    i completely agree with what rainbow said.

    okay im no doctor, far from it, but it sounds like your a manic depressive, from the definition - serious mood swings, from carefree state, into a depression.


    Dude, seriously, you really shouldn't be saying stuff like that when you don't know the whole story. Some people could get in a real panic about that kinda thing.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i used to wonder if i was a manic depressive but then im swinging for reasons, its a circumstancial responce, not just random moods. There are lots of things here, in my flat that trigger me. Pictures, memories etc.

    With the antidepressants thing, i did actually take em normally for a month but they made me feel worse because i hated myself for going agaist my own principles. Im fighting from several corners at once so I confuse myself.

    I think you're right about the victim thing but I think I get sucked into that role a lot because of past experiences.

    I'm feeling a lot better now but God knows how long it'll last. I know what I need long term to get through this but its surviving the day-to-day up until i get to those stages that's the problem. When Im ok, things are great but when Im not Im really bad and my life is in danger every time i slip into one of those moods!

    It's hard for me to know what to do because my feelings and reactions to those feelings change so rapidly. I might feel like I dont need help now, but in a few hours I might decide I need some sort of support then another hour later I'll be back to plotting the Over Dosing again!
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    ZX14 VS HAYABUSA
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd suggest you go and see your GP again...If you keep changing your mind on whether you need help or not, print out this thread and some of your others and take them with you as hard evidence of what you have been feeling. It can also be easier to get them to read bits than to explain out loud what's been going on.

    Antidepressants take a while before they start to work, and you have to take them properly too, drinking alcohol while on antidepressants won't help either as the effects of the drink will counteract the effects of your drugs. They also won't work alone, you need to do some talking therapy too, to work to the root of the problem, the drugs are just to get you back on keel again so that that is possible.

    If you feel you can't talk to your current GP ask to see someone else at your surgery.
    Take care

    Susie :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Babe why do you keep doing this? You know that if you OD'd i'd be very very upset :( Dont forget you can talk to me :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Youve already got through the hard part, admitting youve got a problem. Lots of people in your state dont actually think theyve got a problem, they dont wanna believe it so they go on as normal and things end up getting alot worse. At least you are able to see you need some help. I suggest you go to see a doctor again, explain everything and I'm sure there must be some way they can help. Its not just the medicines they perscribe, they could also give you some much needed advice. Its better than carrying on like this as one day, like you say, your gonna end up killing yourself, and you dont want that. When your feeling really down, take the anger out on something else rather than yourself. When Ive felt bad before I completely trashed my bedroom, OK so I'm not advising you to dso that but it helped me alot cos your still releasing your anger, but your not doing your health any damage at the same time. What I do now is get a sheet or sometihng and I just tug it and tug it. It helps me release my anger, without doing myself any harm. I probably sound like a right weirdo now but what I mean is you should find something that you can take your anger out on.
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