If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Options
Potential dating or fuck buddies?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi. I know this is only my first post but I need some advice.
Over the last few months, I've been talking to this guy. I started talking to him over Twitter and MSN and a month or two ago, we met in real life. We went and saw a movie (to which he referred to this meeting as a "non-date date") and everything was friendly and good. Previous to meeting up, we had talked ever day (either by texting or through the internet) and we still do.
We hang out about once a week (which is about all our schedules allow though it's more than he hangs out with his friends - perhaps a sign?) and we've fooled around a bit at times. The second time we hung out, we ended up cuddling on a couch and holding hands, which eventually lead to us kissing and such. This has continued since then and it's kind of gotten further and further each time.
We don't just see each other to fool around, usually we hang out and talk or watch tv shows, but when we have the chance and privacy, we do. I want to mention that the first time we really had sex was a few days ago. After that we set aside today to try having sex properly as the first time we did it felt weird and rushed. The second time around was much better.
I also would like to mention that when we're alone, we kiss and hold hands and such but when we're in public we don't really show affection. I hadn't really noticed this until the other day. I'm wondering if this is because we're more comfortable not doing that in front of others or if we don't think of our relationship like that?
My problem with all this is that I'm not completely sure if we're just fuck buddies or what. He's currently going through a phase of "no dating" (which actually included sex until we broke that) to help him get over his ex (which was a six month relationship that ended four months ago) and, more importantly, back to where he was before her. He set it for three months and now he's down to one. We've discussed this and we've both made it clear that we don't want to get into a heavy relationship. I suggested that we try casually dating when his month long thing is over. After explaining to him that I meant that we basically do what we've been doing (hanging out) but with kissing and sex, he said he thought that was a good idea.
Honestly, I've never tried casual dating. Every relationship I've been in has pretty much gone into a full, committed relationship. I'm not really sure if I want a full committed relationship from this guy but I know I like him for more than just sex. Problem is, I'm not sure if he wants the same thing. I've asked him, yes, but I must admit I'm kind of worried that he's just saying that to keep me happy so we keep having sex. We get along really well and I've made it clear that I would like to try casually dating and if it doesn't seem to be working, I'd like us to go back to being friends.
What should I do? What are your opinions of the situation, from a third party perspective?
Thanks for reading this, too.
Over the last few months, I've been talking to this guy. I started talking to him over Twitter and MSN and a month or two ago, we met in real life. We went and saw a movie (to which he referred to this meeting as a "non-date date") and everything was friendly and good. Previous to meeting up, we had talked ever day (either by texting or through the internet) and we still do.
We hang out about once a week (which is about all our schedules allow though it's more than he hangs out with his friends - perhaps a sign?) and we've fooled around a bit at times. The second time we hung out, we ended up cuddling on a couch and holding hands, which eventually lead to us kissing and such. This has continued since then and it's kind of gotten further and further each time.
We don't just see each other to fool around, usually we hang out and talk or watch tv shows, but when we have the chance and privacy, we do. I want to mention that the first time we really had sex was a few days ago. After that we set aside today to try having sex properly as the first time we did it felt weird and rushed. The second time around was much better.
I also would like to mention that when we're alone, we kiss and hold hands and such but when we're in public we don't really show affection. I hadn't really noticed this until the other day. I'm wondering if this is because we're more comfortable not doing that in front of others or if we don't think of our relationship like that?
My problem with all this is that I'm not completely sure if we're just fuck buddies or what. He's currently going through a phase of "no dating" (which actually included sex until we broke that) to help him get over his ex (which was a six month relationship that ended four months ago) and, more importantly, back to where he was before her. He set it for three months and now he's down to one. We've discussed this and we've both made it clear that we don't want to get into a heavy relationship. I suggested that we try casually dating when his month long thing is over. After explaining to him that I meant that we basically do what we've been doing (hanging out) but with kissing and sex, he said he thought that was a good idea.
Honestly, I've never tried casual dating. Every relationship I've been in has pretty much gone into a full, committed relationship. I'm not really sure if I want a full committed relationship from this guy but I know I like him for more than just sex. Problem is, I'm not sure if he wants the same thing. I've asked him, yes, but I must admit I'm kind of worried that he's just saying that to keep me happy so we keep having sex. We get along really well and I've made it clear that I would like to try casually dating and if it doesn't seem to be working, I'd like us to go back to being friends.
What should I do? What are your opinions of the situation, from a third party perspective?
Thanks for reading this, too.
0
Comments
You like each other. You enjoy each other's company. You're getting to know each other. What's wrong with that?
Perfect advice.
I don't think you can know what you want yet, and I don't think you should know what you want yet. See how things pan out and see what happens, especially if you both aren't sure if you want anything serious now.
It could well be that you do just have a casual sexual relationship and that neither of you ever want more from it, or it could be that one or both of you does want more. Don't worry about that for now, just see where life takes you. Things don't need labels.
I think it does sound like he wants things to be more casual than perhaps you do, but just see how it goes. If it becomes a problem that one of you wants more then you might have issues.
I honestly think we both like each other enough to date and we'd work out well but no, I agree, I don't think we should worry about that now. I'm not really used to taking things slow so it would probably be nice, for a change.
Thank you again for your wonderful advice, it was certainly a great welcome to this site.
The one thing to watch is that you've both got a reasonably similar understanding of how things are, and are definitely happy with what that is. Confusing potential dating and fuck buddies tends to end badly for the one who's confused. They get attached, the other person is getting casual sex and isn't interested in anything else, so the attached one gets hurt.
It sounds like you're a long way away from that at the moment, so just see how things go.