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Should I Tell Her?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'm seeing a CAMHS counsoler/I'm on the waiting list for CBT for anxiety and panic disorder/self-harm.
I'm told to be honest with her - and I try to be. I've told her everything regarding my anxiety/panic disorder.
But, I haven't told her about an incident in which I almost pushed my friend under a bus - how I'd been standing there, and a horrid voice had told me to do it and my hands moved before I could stop them. The bus was going to fast, and fortunately, I didn't even reach her. Or about how there are times when I'll be standing near a knife, and the same horrid voice will enter my mind, telling me to stab myself/others, and I'll feel almost forced to pick it up and do as such, etc. That, and how, at times, I'll feel extremely happy, and will feel filled with energy, so much so it feels like I'm going to burst, so I have to run around/laugh/etc, as much as I can to exert it, and I won't be able to sit still, but I'm never all together when I'm like this.
I haven't told the counselor because my mother told me that the happiness was something only medication would solve, and if I told them about the other incidents they'd put me in a hospital. I'm completely against medication - I've seen my aunt on it, she's like a zombie, not in control, same with the hospital.
I'm scared that another incident like the bus one will repeat itself, only this time I'll end up hurting someone/myself, or I'll do something idiotic while I'm in one of my happy modes, but I don't want to be put on medication, or go to a hospital. But I don't know if it's going to get better on it's own, as I don't even know what it is.
I'm confused - I don't know what's happening. Should I tell the counselor?
I'm told to be honest with her - and I try to be. I've told her everything regarding my anxiety/panic disorder.
But, I haven't told her about an incident in which I almost pushed my friend under a bus - how I'd been standing there, and a horrid voice had told me to do it and my hands moved before I could stop them. The bus was going to fast, and fortunately, I didn't even reach her. Or about how there are times when I'll be standing near a knife, and the same horrid voice will enter my mind, telling me to stab myself/others, and I'll feel almost forced to pick it up and do as such, etc. That, and how, at times, I'll feel extremely happy, and will feel filled with energy, so much so it feels like I'm going to burst, so I have to run around/laugh/etc, as much as I can to exert it, and I won't be able to sit still, but I'm never all together when I'm like this.
I haven't told the counselor because my mother told me that the happiness was something only medication would solve, and if I told them about the other incidents they'd put me in a hospital. I'm completely against medication - I've seen my aunt on it, she's like a zombie, not in control, same with the hospital.
I'm scared that another incident like the bus one will repeat itself, only this time I'll end up hurting someone/myself, or I'll do something idiotic while I'm in one of my happy modes, but I don't want to be put on medication, or go to a hospital. But I don't know if it's going to get better on it's own, as I don't even know what it is.
I'm confused - I don't know what's happening. Should I tell the counselor?
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Comments
You'll still have to talk about it but the disclosure is the hardest part. You've written it once to us so maybe you'll be able to write it again.
Good luck.
It isn't automatic that you'd be locked away in a mental hospital, if the condition can be managed in the community it will be managed in the community.
Regarding medication - no one can MAKE you take a medication. Even if she recommends it, you can tell her that you are not comfortable with pills and you would like to find another way to deal with it. At the same time, it would probably be a good idea to discuss medications with her if she brings it up, just in case. There's nothing to be lost by discussing your options, and maybe she'll tell you about a particularly low dose medication or something - you never know. Either way, she's trained to find ways to help you deal with these problems, so you should utilize her. Maybe she can help you discover healthy ways to deal with your extra energy and impulsiveness.
Even though you might not like the method, I'm sure that you'd rather have an outcome where you manage your treatment rather than someone else manages it. And if you're experiencing hallucinations to that extent that may well be the choice that you are facing.
It's better to face up to things now before things get worse. Good luck.