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Don't think he's ready?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Okay...
So my boyfriend has no problem getting boners, but when it comes down to sex he loses it completely. He's only had sex once before (with me) but that was in June last year.
I've asked him if he's sure he's ready for sex, and he says yes he is and that he isn't nervous or anything. But I can't think of any other reason he'd lose his erection? I asked a friend of mine, and they said he probably isn't interested in me, but I'm pretty sure he is.
Help please? x
So my boyfriend has no problem getting boners, but when it comes down to sex he loses it completely. He's only had sex once before (with me) but that was in June last year.
I've asked him if he's sure he's ready for sex, and he says yes he is and that he isn't nervous or anything. But I can't think of any other reason he'd lose his erection? I asked a friend of mine, and they said he probably isn't interested in me, but I'm pretty sure he is.
Help please? x
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Comments
... He's 15, I'm nearly 14. He's the year above me in school. It has nothing to do with age...
B-A, I have had this problem but the way I fixed it is not something I would recommend for you >.<.
Haha, now I'm intrigued
We wouldn't of used a condom anyway today, there were none. So that won't make a difference
Probably because he's embarrassed cos guys his age are supposed to be at it like rabbits 24/7
Maybe
I just want him to be happy with the things we do, I really don't want him to feel forced into anything! But if he doesn't tell me what he is and isn't happy doing, then how am I going to know what he likes
I pretty much agree with this.
B-A, does he have a boner during foreplay and then lose it at penetration? Or does he lose it as soon as you guys get undressed?
p.s. Your friend that says he doesn't fancy you = Pfffffffffffffffft!!!! :yeees:
If it happens again, I'd give him a cuddle and a few kisses and ask him if everything's ok. Tell that you're totally willing to help if he wants you to.
That 'if' is important. Although, nice as this idea is, and even if he does appreciate the thought and the conversation, the subconscious is a nasty, nasty thing. Talking about it makes him feel like it's a big deal, even if you specifically state otherwise. Having it happen repeatedly is massively frustrating and, if you're anything like me (which, given how often I think, 'God, that reminds me of me at that age' with B-A, I think she is), it's likely to make you MASSIVELY FUCKING PARANOID. I thought it was because I was fat and ugly, he thought it was because he was useless. In reality it was because he doesn't feel very much with condoms and that, plus weed and whiskey, and then the expectation of it happening, just made it all a bit shit.
B-A, if you speak to him, make sure you're very sensitive but very clear. He's going to feel like it's a big deal and like he's some kind of lesser man no matter what you say, but a bit of support and telling him he's being an idiot for thinking it goes a long way.
ALSO YOUNG LADY, none of this no condoms lark again, y'hear? :mad: :impissed:
I'm not sure where you're disagreeing with me.
I think you must have misread my post.
Tired Franki is tired etc.
I was...adding...to it?
And... I know I should use condoms, it's just that there were none. But we didn't have sex anyway in the end, for obvious reasons
pretty young to have sex really lol .. i thought bout it at that age but i was no way ready!
Trust me, though, that it is not you. It is absolutely not you. You are beautiful and lovely and if I was a boy (and you weren't thirteen!) I would be all over you. It's just a glitch, I promise.
Kids ain't kids any more these days. A rise in precocious puberty perhaps?
Having got that basic over with, which is also kind of relevant.
Apart from anything else, that will cause worry at the back of his mind, which means he's got no hope.
You're both young, there are lots of arguements that say you shouldn't be doing it, and none of that niggling in the back of his mind is going to help either.
Also I'm guessing the chances of getting caught were moderately high, they often are when you're young - again worry, increases floppiness.
Then there's the not had much experience, nerves goes to floppiness.
Hopefully you're starting to spot a trend.
I'd personally say skip the whole talking about it, and just leave it to one side for a while, stop trying, just enjoy what you do do and then in a few weeks, or months, following his lead see where things go.
You really should use them, unless you've both been tested and you can trust each other to be faithful. As for the age thing, I don't think it is an issue if you're both old enough to make a sensible decision; being above the age of consent doesn't make you ready for sex any more that being below it makes you unready for sex.
Lecture over, perhaps you should think about taking a step back from intercourse, especially if he's staying hard during foreplay. Go back to mutual masturbation, a bit of oral, don't make sex the big issue. Hopefully if he can relax a bit he'll be fine about it. Don't make penetration the big deal and things will hopefully get a bit better.
Sex can be scary, especially when you're new to it, and doubly especially if your partner is more experienced than you. Performance anxiety is a big deal, especially if the first time wasn't brilliant. Try reassuring him about how much you fancy him and how much you want him, but try not to be too pressuring in what you say. If you give him the space and the assurance he should get better and then you can be away like rabbits.
Arctic roll: I hate condoms. But I know I should use them. I get tested for chlamydia whenever I get a new partner, but I haven't been tested for anything else (apart from after I was raped) So yeah, I'm going to go get some on Friday.
SM: It's not the getting caught thing, his dad never comes up or anything... I guess he knows the stuff we do and doesn't want to walk in etc. if he ever needs anything, he gets my boyfriend brother to come and ask us for him