Boyfriend and other girls

Former Member

Hey everyone. I've been a reader of this site for a while and have always noticed people giving good advice here.. so I wanted to ask for some opinions about my situation..

I have been with my boyfriend for just over one year now, he is Brazilian (I am from the UK) and we were living in Brazil. Now I'm back in England for a few months and he is staying there until I go back.

Now he has always been a very outgoing and sociable person, and thats something I love about him. He loves making friends, which I think is great, except 90% of the friends he makes are girls. I noticed a while ago that the way he talks to girls is very flirty, and he always gives them allot of compliments, telling them there beautiful and wonderful and things like this. He says that its just words, that he would never do anything physically, and that he has had this behaviour his whole life and so finds it hard to change.

We have talked again and again about this and it is ruining our relationship. He is really great, and we get along so well, except for this. He keeps telling me he will stop, but he never does. I think he has toned down the flirting, but after every weekend I notice him adding allot of girls on his facebook, and its really hard for me being so far away and not knowing who they are. He keeps saying that he just likes making friends, and that he makes friends with men too, but it is mostly girls he is adding or who write to him there.

The problem is whenever I try to talk about this with him again, he says he is doing nothing and that we should 'take a break' until I return to Brazil. For me this is impossible. I have to either end it for good or just live with it.
Am I over reacting and being over jealous? Should I finish with him? I don't know what to do. I really want to be with him but this is making me unhappy.

Thankyou for reading and any advice you can give me. I hope I can give some back in the future x

Former Member

I don't have advice for you except to say I am in exactly the same situation and I know how difficult it is! The fact he wants to take a break is a bit off - does he want to take a break just because of the distance/he wants to be single for a while, or because of your worry about him and other girls?

Former Member

He says he wants to take a break until I go back to Brazil because he knows he is making me unhappy, and he thinks it is because of the distance that I am so paranoid. I don't think its that he wants to be single for a while - I asked him and he said no, that he just likes to make friends and has been like this with all his girlfriends.

I'm sorry your in the same situation! It is difficult. Have you talked to your boyfriend about it?

Former Member

Hey, I imagine living in Brazil you would know this, but I have dated a couple of Brazilians and have found them all to be incredibly flirty and hands on. For me it was just part of their culture to be so forward - it was directed at everyone, not just the people they were attracted to, so though it took a bit of getting used to, I was ok with them being up close and personal with other women. Sounds like you have a good relationship apart from this one issue, so I think that if you trust him, you are just gonna have to accept the way some Brazilians are, rather than seeing it as dishonest or disloyal.

If you can't help but feel it's more than that, then I would break up with him.

Former Member

There is nothing wrong with looking, there is nothing wrong with talking. Sounds like you're reading too much into it. Accept him how he is or don't, but there is no point trying to change someone who doesn't want to change.

Former Member

Hi Aakshyaa,

Welcome to the boards :wave:

It can be tough to be in long distance relationships and have worries like these. You said he has always been outgoing and sociable - however was he flirty when you were in Brazil or has he been more now since you came to the UK?
If this has always been the case, even though it is harder when you are apart, perhaps trust is something that needs to be present here - and can occur over time and with patience.

Jealousy is a very hard emotion and we often feel guilty for feeling it. You might find reading this article on jealousy useful. One relevant section mentions;

Lots of men and women are a bit flirtatious, but they don't mean any harm. If flirting upsets you, explain it gently to your boyfriend or girlfriend, without making a big fuss or any threats

Perhaps the question you have to ask yourself is does his flirting bother you enough to end things? Perhaps it is worth thinking about what is harder to deal with - his flirting or moving on.

Good luck *hug*