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Coping..
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Well, i think most people on here know now that i tried to overdose tuesday. (Feb 1st)
just to say, yes i took 5 ibrupofen, i had 11, but stopped myself.. broke down intears but got myself help.
Surely this means that underneath i didnt want to do it??
But now im being haunted by flashbacks, and thoughts of how to really kill myself.. not just attempt to fuck up my body.
The thing is, by day, when im around my friends, and at school, i seem happy, and as the CPO said today "You look a lot brighter than i have seen you in weeks"
But as soon as i get home, i sink into this 'pit' and the nights seem to stretch on forever. And now i think, i only get like this AT home, although not all that happy unless im at school, i still see a point in life; say at my nans, or wondering around town.
I desperatley need a shower, but part of me is scared to in case i give into my thoughts of drowning myself
What should i do ??
The happy times go so so quickly.. it doesnt seem balanced enough.
just to say, yes i took 5 ibrupofen, i had 11, but stopped myself.. broke down intears but got myself help.
Surely this means that underneath i didnt want to do it??
But now im being haunted by flashbacks, and thoughts of how to really kill myself.. not just attempt to fuck up my body.
The thing is, by day, when im around my friends, and at school, i seem happy, and as the CPO said today "You look a lot brighter than i have seen you in weeks"
But as soon as i get home, i sink into this 'pit' and the nights seem to stretch on forever. And now i think, i only get like this AT home, although not all that happy unless im at school, i still see a point in life; say at my nans, or wondering around town.
I desperatley need a shower, but part of me is scared to in case i give into my thoughts of drowning myself
What should i do ??
The happy times go so so quickly.. it doesnt seem balanced enough.
0
Comments
Why not come up with things to do at home to distract yourself? A new hobby, or why not make plans with friends or relatives after school? Remember the nights are only so long and pretty soon it will be a new days again so stay strong *hug*
well im not allowed out after school
but since its friday tomorrow im trying to go to a friends after school tomorrow.
Ive been doing a lot of drawing lately but find that i have to be "in the mood"
Nothings really changed at home, except my stepdad being nicer, so i really dont get it :S
yes. it means that when it came to the moment where you had the choice, you decided to live. and that's really brave. it means you have some fight left in you, deep down, and that you don't want to give up.
do you speak to anyone at home or outside of school about how you feel?
I try to talk to my friends, and teachers/CPO..
but im kinda like a cliche guy in that respect.. i dont do well talking about things.
ust recently ive written a lot of poetry, i just put pen to paper and let it take over..
it helps get it out but doesnt get me advice or anything.
it is really hard to talk about you feel but try to let people in when you can. writing can be a really good way of getting your feelings out.
what would you like advice about?
friday night, my mum had another burst of anger over me self-harming.
she stormed out and my stepdad turned to me and started blaming me for everything, saying im fucking things up and tearing our family apart.
i couldnt find any sharp objects and resorted to sand papering my shoulder.
now today i was meant to be going for a walk with friends. but my mum turned around and grounded me, her reason?? because i fucking self harm :mad:
on wednesday, also my stepdads birthday, they will find out about my overdose attempt.
Mum will surely be even more angry and im scared of what she will do.
and of course, i will ruin my stepdads birthday, for everyone.
maybe when things have calmed down a bit you could sit down with your mum and try to tell her how you're feeling? or maybe the teacher you've been speaking to could explain things a bit to her?
i know it's hard to be strong when you feel even your family are against you, but they're not, they are just frightened and don't know what they need to do to make you better.
everybody keeps telling me this about my mum, but i feel like its something more. i dont know what, but its something mroe than just her way of trying to deal with it/the shock, or trying to protect me.
its kinda difficult to explain when i dont understand fully myself.