True Friends??

Former Member

I know this may look a little weird, since ive been giving advice in other threads about friends....

But i truly thought she was my best friend.. she knows almost everything about me, and whats going on in my life...

And yesterday was a pretty bad day for me... i guess she couldnt understand why i didnt want to talk about it, because now i found out that she has been bitching on facebook about me ignoring her and blocking her out.

I dont really want to lose a friend as good as she has been...
but now im wondering if she is fake...
what do i do?!??! :banghead:

Former Member

Hua Kola, TryingtobeStrongpeen. I like your name, so I'mma hook you up.

Dabbling with folks that talk out of two sides of their mouth is going to end badly one way or another. You're either going to lose that friend now when you'll get over it in two weeks -- or when you're 50 years old and have decades invested into your friendship. And even if it doesn't end, your friendship will be fractured by such a weak friendship.

Believe it or not, if you cut her loose, you may even teach her a valuable life lesson. In losing such a friendship, she will be forced to reevaluate what she's done and there may be hope for the friendship some time in the distant future when she learns to get her act together.

As barbaric as it sounds, you have to learn to view people as disposable if need be. That's not to say don't love your friends or to use them. You must simply be able to live your life whether someone is in it or not. It has two benefits:

1. It gives value to your friendship as it means you're staying with that person even though you don't have to. This goes hand-in-hand with not appearing clingy.

2. It allows you to get out of situations that damage you as a person.

Former Member

If she's bitching about you behind your back, then how good of a friend is she really being?

If it's to do with not wanting to talk yesterday, then she's creating a lot of drama over nothing. Sometimes we don't want to talk about things, we need to sort them out on our own, and she needs to understand that. You could try approaching her about it. Often, the best way to deal with things like this is to bring them up and see what the other person has to say. If she has a problem with you, then as your best friend she should be able to say it to you.

The Chief makes a good point, as well. He has a habit of taking thoughts out of my head and saying them before I can. It's quite annoying. xP Don't feel obligated to stick with anyone just because you've been friends for a while. People change, they grow apart, and sometimes you just need to move on to other people. Not all friendships last forever--in fact, most don't. I'd advise against creating unnecessary drama here, but if you find that she's being less of a friend and more of a problem then there's nothing wrong with spending more time with other people rather than her.

Former Member

Hmm..

thanks both of you.
still a little unsure if im honest..

she has said nothing to me... so im guessing she knows she is in the wrong?

I think that, since i have only half a year left, im afraid of becoming to loner for everyone to bully again, especially in year 11..
i could do without the stress.

If i try to talk to her, but dont want to say what it was i wouldnt talk about.... well, what can i say without turning around and basically saying
"What the hell do you think you were doing?!?"
we have very clashing personalities and have fought a couple of times.. but stayed friends so far.

Former Member

If she doesn't know that you're aware of what she's been saying, then that's why she hasn't spoken to you about it. She thinks she's getting away with it. I'd advise against shouting at her and asking "what the hell she thinks she was doing" if you choose to approach her. If you start out that way, she'll get defensive and you won't get anywhere. Since you're starting the discussion, you get to set the tone. I'd let her know that you're aware of what she's been saying and that you don't appreciate it, but give hr a chance to respond rather than immediately ripping into her. It's worth seeing what she has to say, if you want to try to patch things up.

As for worrying about being a loner... if you're only friends with her because you're afraid of being alone, then you're friends for the wrong reason. You should hang out with people because you want to, not because it's your only option. Otherwise, you're not really any less lonely in the end. Be personable and approachable, talk to new people, and don't be so concerned with labeling yourself as a loner. If you think of yourself as a loser, it shows, and other people are less likely to approach you. Just be you, and you'll meet new friends eventually. Better friends.

Former Member

My advice will also help you in regards to bullying. If you view people as disposable, you show them that you are unphased by their bullying, which -- in turn -- drains the fun out of their attempted bullying.

I call to your attention, an episode of George Lopez. The daughter, Carmen, has a less-than-attractive, overweight nerd-friend. They've been best friends since Kindergarten and have always looked out for one another. At one point, they become friends with the popular girls in school, who formerly bullied them.

Their ultimate plan is to accept Carmen into the group, but plan to embarrass Carmen's nerd-friend in front of everyone at school. Now, Carmen has two options:

1. Go along with them and pretend to be her friend, while they set us up the bomb.

2. Tell her long time friend and ostracize herself.

What she chose is irrelevant. Point is that this friend of yours may very well be choosing option 1 (think Mean Girls), pretending to be your friend to make it easier to bully you. I don't know the full details, but it's something to look out for.

Make friends based on your own merit. Not ther merit of others, or you will forever be indebted to them. I think the current economic situation is a good moral: "Don't put yourself in debt to anyone. Don't owe anything to anyone and you'll be very happy."