Am i being too clingy ??

Former Member

Things have been going great with my bf for over a year now... being in our last year of school having to make desicions about what to do after this year.
He wants to go to army college, and as much as i love him and want to support him, i want more of a relationship than 2 hours texting/calling everynight.
Am i being really selfish?? and how should i approach the subject with him, to at least explain how im feeling??

Former Member

i think it would be totally wrong to stop him from pursuing his chosen career.

Former Member

SuzyCreamcheese wrote: »

i think it would be totally wrong to stop him from pursuing his chosen career.

dont get me wrong, i completely agree with this. and i hte myelf for feeling like this..
i just dont think i could live with only being able to talk to him for 2 hours each day...

i just wish i knew how to tell him how i feel, just so he understood at least .. and i would reassure him that i dont want to stop him.

Former Member

can you go with him?

What do you see as the alternatives?

Former Member

How often do you see him in the school holidays?

Former Member

I guess i could go with him.. but a lot of my life revolves around my family so i would struggle being so far away from them.. and it would be difficult for them becaus they see it as simply "young love"

we spend pretty much everyday together, in or out of school.

Former Member

so options are

1.He goes and you have a long distance relationship for a while and try and make it work as best you can.
2. You go with him and leave your family behind
3. He gives up his dream and doesnt do it


If you made him do 3, then that would be selfish on your part and would also very likely make him resent you in the long term, which wouldnt bode well for a relationship anyway.

2. Depends how old you are. If youre 16, id say it was a bad idea. If youre older and already living away from home, id say it could be a serious option.

Id think 1 would be the best bet. Lots of people do this while theyre at college and they get through it. Sometimes its hard on a relationship, sometimes it makes it stronger.

Former Member

I will be 16 when it happens, i had been thinking of moving away, but then closer to my dad and step-family.
Thinking ill talk to him and see what sort of opportunites are in that area for me... or maybe even if its close enough to follow the plans to move to my dads, if then i coul dmeet up with him at weekends.

Former Member

that might be an idea.
Would your dad be ok with it?

Former Member

SuzyCreamcheese wrote: »

that might be an idea.
Would your dad be ok with it?

Probably. he has been getting mega excited about me living with him.. and he has met my bf, and they get on pretty well.

Former Member

aww thats nice. As long as you arent messing with your dads feelings and only wanting to move there because of your boyfriend

Former Member

No, i was pretty sure of going.. although i love my school finally after years of bullying.... i gotta take risks sometimes havent i ??
and also not all that happy at home, would be nice to live with a true family as far as im concerned

really cant wait now....and thanks for all the advice!

Former Member

Sometimes spending every living moment with someone makes it hard when you do have to be apart. If he is off to army college (and I dont mean this in a bad way) how much time are you going to get chance to see him during the week anyway?

Former Member

Hardly any
and he will only be allowed his phone for 2 hours, 7-9 every night.

Former Member

how much time would you want to be on the phone with someone anyway?

Former Member

SuzyCreamcheese wrote: »

how much time would you want to be on the phone with someone anyway?

depends on the person really :P
dont go overboard with my bf, but me and my best friend easily go on for 3 hours.

Former Member

if he joined the army, youd likely go months at a time without seeing him at all.

I wonder if being an army girlfriend would necessarily be the right thing for you?
I know I wouldnt like it, but if thats his chosen career, maybe you should start backing off?

Former Member

TryingtobeStrong wrote: »

Hardly any
and he will only be allowed his phone for 2 hours, 7-9 every night.

That is when he will be allowed to use his phone, I don't mean this in a nasty way but he may well have other stuff occasionally on at those times as well. If he is off to army college and not junior training/basic training then its a bit odd to restrict only being on the phone 7-9 every night.

I went through 14 weeks of basic training and use to make (admittedly short) calls at all sorts of times when I could fit in.

Former Member

SuzyCreamcheese wrote: »

if he joined the army, youd likely go months at a time without seeing him at all.

I wonder if being an army girlfriend would necessarily be the right thing for you?
I know I wouldnt like it, but if thats his chosen career, maybe you should start backing off?

Through training it is admittedly hard, but depending on where he gets posted and what job he is doing, it might not be all that bad. I know a bloke who has a room on camp but goes home every night as its only 30/40 mins up the road.

It's not the end of the world, but it is tough.

Former Member

Yeah.. that my other problem..
i dont want to back off, because we have been through so much together already.
but im not sure i could cope..
i have two uncles in the army... and i went through so much stress and my school grades dropped really low when one of them was doing his tour of afghanistan.....

Im afraid that it would get worse if it was him

so confused right now

Former Member

You might find that you cope with the stress a lot better since you have been through something similar before, and because over the time you and your bf have been together I guess you two have grown quite close, you could find it has the opposite effect and you worry a little less.

Former Member

He wants to go to army college for a reason....

Former Member

Ahh. is it possible all this is making me send out "bad vibes" or something along those lines??

i love him so much, but i feel like the relationship is dying
this is just adding to my worries, which is adding to my s/h, -which he knows a little about as he wants to support me, but know he seems to be avoiding me ?!

I know, i know - Talk to him.
but when he wont talk.. it makes it difficult, and honestly im fed up of feeling like the only one putting any effort into the relationship..

my other concern is...is it possible that being such a great guy for over a year... that hes actually just like the rest, as all this seems to be happeneing since i finally started having sex with him.....:S

Former Member

KoryLGriffin wrote: »

He wants to go to army college for a reason....

Presumably because he wants to go to army college.