Not sure about a friend advise please

Former Member

Hi all,
I am in a bit of a dilemma and wondered what u guys and girls think.
I have a friend we used to do stuff together then she went a bit cold on me, i realised we got quiet pally when her other friend went to uni and when she came back she then distanced herself.
Last xmas i got her a gift so this year she got me one but because i had not seen her much i did'nt really want to get her one because she had also not replyed to my texts, basically she was not being a good friend.
So because she got me a gift i got her one.
Xmas morning i thanked her for my gift and she replyed oh thanks for the scarf love the colour, i did not buy her a scarf so repyed u must ave opened the wrong prezzi.
She then replyed back and said " Oh sorry i have not opened it properly thanks for the socks".
I replyed lol thats ok thought they would keep ya feet warm, she hates using her heating.
Then new year eve i wished her happy new year she did'nt reply!!!!
Anyways this is the part i need help with her boyfriend rang me and asked if ma and my family would like to go for a meal for her 30th birthday party they need 34 people to have the whole restuarant for themselves, i said yes because i was on the spot, but i keep thinking if she really wanted me to go then why does she never reply to my texts etc.
I am just confused with her signals as a friend any help would be be super .x

Former Member

Sounds like quite the fairweather friend to me. Did her bf really ask you to her party cause they need 34 people, not cause you're her mate and she wanted you there?! Nice.

If it were me, I'd tell her to stick her party (actually I'd probably make a obviously bad excuse for why I couldn't go) and not bother texting her anymore. See if she texts you. If she doesn't, she obviously isn't that bothered, and do you really need friends like that?

Former Member

I have been in a slightly similar situation to this,
I turned into quite a clingy friend for a while which was a big mistake.

In the end i just gave up on her, and it all went quiet for around half and year - now that she has seen me getting lose with someone else she has suddenly gotten jealous and started acting like nothing ever happened, but no body needs friends like that! so right now im being civilised but also not letting her too close.

I would suggest trying to carry on without her and see what happens xx

Former Member

I wouldn't be too quick to refuse the invite. How well do you know the bf? Was he around when you and your friend used to be close? It is all to easy to get the hump and think that friends don't care any more, when, in fact, they have been simply been a bit preoccupied with their own lives/loves. May be she said to him, "oh, I would love to invite so-and-so, but I don't think they'd come because I've lost touch recently ...", and he has thought to invite you on her behalf (but may be worded it badly).

You will make, and lose touch with, lots of friends throughout life so the decision you must make for yourself is, "is this friendship worth the effort?" If you want to stay in touch, even casually, go. If not, don't.

Former Member

Thanku all for your replys the first 2 is how i really feel like i am fed up with being treated like this, for a whole year i have just been civilised about it and keep giving her then benefit of the doubt.
So i am now at a stage where i am not getting nothing from our friendship except annoyed when she lets me down or does not reply to my texts, just to test the waters i asked her when she was off to New York for her bday because i will pop a card in she replyed straight away and i feel like its because she knows she will probs get a prezzie out of it, when i replyed back and asked how she was she never text me back wtf?

I also understand where your comming from as well overthehill, but i have got friends i have had for years and often there are times when we have been getting on with our lives ect but they have never made me feel so shit like i have done something wrong even thou i know i have not done anything, my hubbi says ""who does she thinks she is? she is bloody rude and she does not deserve u as a friend"".
Anyways thanks for the replys.
I think what i might do is pop a card throu her door text her boyfriend and make an excuse to say we can't come and leave it at that and if she does bother to get in touch then i know she wants me as a friend if she does'nt then i know where i stand hey!! x

Former Member

You could just put a short message in her card, something like 'Hope you are well, must get together sometime!' and leave it at that. Then if she does get in touch you'll know she's bothered about being mates and if she doesn't then at least you'll know you tried.

Former Member

sounds like a good idea.. (both the last 2 posts )

Hope everything is okay for you, no matter how things turn out x

Former Member

Thanks Everyone.
I did text her bfriend and said sorry we can't make meal now something has cropped up i hope she has a lovely time , he replyed " thats a real shame, thanks for letting me know"
Which went pretty well,
I also popped her a bday card throu her door and in it i said have a lovely time in New York we must catch up when u get back so make sure u take lots of pictures.
This way i have tried but at the same time i have done what i want, now the ball is in her court.
Its the first time i have ever let anyone down and the reason is i hate to upset anyone but i actually feel pretty good!!
Many thanks everyone, your advise has helped alot x