Confused by this girl

Former Member

I posted on here about a girl maybe a month ago, basically met up with her in September and since then we have been out a few times, first time we met up had sex and since then my interest for her grew, she move out of town to her dads about an hor away, and often when we met it was to the cinema and would give her a lift back to her dads. Often she would cancel on me, after a while she text me saying she didn't want to be more than friends atm, she said she couldn't becuase of how her ex, i was not happy with her answer i wanted to know if there was a chance, and did she feel anything for me, she kept not giving a straight answer, the closest she ever said was "do you think i would bother with someone i didn't like?" She said i could take her out again, and i said i would if it was a "date" and she said ok. The date was odd, she wasn't really comfortable with me holding her hand, she let me but felt like i was forcing it a bit.. she text me after to thank me for a nice night, and said she would of invited me in to hers but that she was too tired. she said that we would do it again soon. But over the course of the past month or so, we would be talking and then she would often say "you hate me" and i ignored it at first, but last sunday i said, how can i proof it to you, and i said i would drive to see her there and then.. she said show it another way, and she said strip on cam for me... it felt like she was being silly with me and taking the piss. So i didn't, she left the conversation with me on monday last week saying "oh well you haven't done what i asked so clearly you like someone else more" which is rubbish, i went to see her after work on tuesday, and she wouldn't answer her door, i text her saying i was outside, she didn't asnwer, i phoned her but she didn't asnwer, she never answered my phone calls really in the past either. but i went back to my car and she text me saying that she was out, i knwe she was lying. I told her i had come all this way to see her and she said "i cant help being out, can i? weird" and i told her what was weird was her saying i didn't like her, and that all i wanted was to see her. and that dont say i dont like her again She text me back whilst i was driving home, saying "ohh fuck off, don't worry i wont. im not wierd pal."

I've never heard from her since tuesday, and she has dleeted me on facebook and not text or anything, and i was mega upset about all of this.. i just dont get it. everyone i've spoke with says to move on.. but i would still accept her calls or texts, and i would really like to talk to her at some point in the future. Anyone any advice, or can relate to this? i just dont know what she ever thought of me, or was doing with me? and wether she will speak to me again or not? she hasn't blocked me on msn, but i dare not to say hi..

Former Member

She's either not interested or feeling like you're smothering her. I read your previous post, too; did you guys have sex?? If so, she's definitely feeling smothered. She's probably thinking you're expecting too much from her.

Former Member

I believe that if the only reason you like her is because you guys had sex then no way i would just say to move on. Like what marlasinger said she's either not interested in you or just doesn't wanna go out with you and only thinks of you as a best friend. I was kinda in the same way but I didn't do anything but be friendly back to my girlfriend and she emailed me to say that "ask me out and I will say yes". If you truely love her and want her then just slow down on this stuff and next time you either see her or say hi to her then ask her if she wants to hang out with you. If yes then I would back off on all the smothering stuff and just be a really good friend to her and maybe that will change her mind but don't ask her after the first time you guys hang out again. It takes a long time for a person to change their mind.

There may be complications to this.
1. She has a boyfriend and doesn't want to talk to you because you want her
2. She has other things to do that are more important than guys
3. She doesn't wanna hang out because she thinks that you'll be too clingy or smother her too much.

If she does say yes to just hanging out together then don't really do anything and she will wonder what would happen if she does go out with you and just a tip on going out since you smothered her too much i would say take it really slow and i mean really slow. She wants to feel comfortable around you and I think that is really what she isn't feeling when you talk to and or hang out with her. So back away when your with her and when she feels comfortable then she will open up to you more. Just look for her body language and hope it is right.

For me I believe that there is a person for everyone and that you didn't find her yet but, for everyone people has to date around for a while and trust your religion until that time has come. Meanwhile live your life, follow your religion, make friends and take things slow with people in the future.

ShyBoy wrote: »

As corny as it sounds, 9 times out of 10, love finds you!

Former Member

Hi there goddog2,

It seems by your post that this girl is very unsure/insecure about how she feels or what she wants. This evidently makes you confused and unsure about what to do! She is giving you mixed signals and that can't be easy for you to deal with.
A suggestion that might not help right now as she isn't replying to you is to speak to her about the way she has been acting. But perhaps in this situation you could send her an email mentioning how you feel? You could either decide to be her friend and be patient until she knows what she wants and shows you where you stand, or you could walk away from her and move on.

Perhaps marlasinger is right and she is feeling it is too much right now? Maybe give her some time and space before contacting her again. If she truly wants to be with you or if she cares for you a lot as friend she will eventually contact you again.

Good luck x