to much to soon????

Former Member

Hi New to this but need some advice......
Was single for a while....got very hurt when previous relationship ended but thought I was over it. Couple of months ago met a really nice man, I love being in his company and felt I could talk to him about everything. I am a fairly open person and find it quite easy to talk about how I am feeling...at least I thought I did.
I have three children and think I have possibly made the mistake of introducing the children to this man way too soon. They are 18,16 and 7 and have no contact with their father. 2 weeks ago I had an operation which prompted an early meeting of the children and this man. They all got along fine.....good you would think, so why do I feel so freaked by it all. He is very tactile and is always rubbing my leg or running his fingers through my hair even nuzzling his head on my shoulder in the presence of my kids.....I dont feel comfortable with this especially in front of my kids. On saturday night he stayed and then spent the whole day sunday playing computer games with my kids, we had dinner and then he went home. I cant explain it but it just didn't feel right....now here is the crazy selfish bit....I dont want him as an extension to my family.....not yet anyway....we have only been going out a couple of months.....I want to be taken out, I want to spend time with him....alone getting to really know him.

So last night I tried talking to him about how I was feeling and he seems to have taken the hump....I explained I thought things were going a bit quicker than I wanted where the kids were concerned I wasn't looking for cosy family nights in all the time......he went on to tell me he wished he had what I had....he always wanted a family like mine.....how lucky I was and how unfair I was being to him and my kids. He accused me of using him to get some time away from my kids....and as I explained to him I have a number of friends with whom I could 'escape' from my kids should the need arise. I am so confused all I really want is to slow things down and maybe I have gone about it the wrong way....he has not phoned today......very unusual for him.....I thought honesty about how I was feeling was the right way....help!!!

Former Member

neets41 wrote: »

Hi New to this but need some advice......
Was single for a while....got very hurt when previous relationship ended but thought I was over it. Couple of months ago met a really nice man, I love being in his company and felt I could talk to him about everything. I am a fairly open person and find it quite easy to talk about how I am feeling...at least I thought I did.
I have three children and think I have possibly made the mistake of introducing the children to this man way too soon. They are 18,16 and 7 and have no contact with their father. 2 weeks ago I had an operation which prompted an early meeting of the children and this man. They all got along fine.....good you would think, so why do I feel so freaked by it all. He is very tactile and is always rubbing my leg or running his fingers through my hair even nuzzling his head on my shoulder in the presence of my kids.....I dont feel comfortable with this especially in front of my kids. On saturday night he stayed and then spent the whole day sunday playing computer games with my kids, we had dinner and then he went home. I cant explain it but it just didn't feel right....now here is the crazy selfish bit....I dont want him as an extension to my family.....not yet anyway....we have only been going out a couple of months.....I want to be taken out, I want to spend time with him....alone getting to really know him.

So last night I tried talking to him about how I was feeling and he seems to have taken the hump....I explained I thought things were going a bit quicker than I wanted where the kids were concerned I wasn't looking for cosy family nights in all the time......he went on to tell me he wished he had what I had....he always wanted a family like mine.....how lucky I was and how unfair I was being to him and my kids. He accused me of using him to get some time away from my kids....and as I explained to him I have a number of friends with whom I could 'escape' from my kids should the need arise. I am so confused all I really want is to slow things down and maybe I have gone about it the wrong way....he has not phoned today......very unusual for him.....I thought honesty about how I was feeling was the right way....help!!!

He sounds like he's being a bit unfair to you! I mean, you want to not be just looked at as a mother, you want a bit of 'you' time so he can see you as a person, not a mother, and i don't think that's wrong at all.