Really Low-self Esteem :(

Former Member

Hey! Well...I just recently got out of a really horrible relationship. I have a really terrible low self-esteem, not just becuase I'm out of a relationship. I was cheated on....4 times, and ditched at a party for one girl. I almost got beat up by her bf trying to pay someone $100 to beat me up. I got soo streesssed out that I had to quit my job. Every time I get into a relationship I get cheated on. EVERY SINGLE TIME. With the only exception of one guy, which he wasn't any good for me. He was a addict. Is it that I'm not pretty enough for the guys? I'm not slutty enough for them? I put so much trust in them that they think they won't get caught?

ugh. As a result from my last relationship, it really tore me apart. I really felt like I'm really ugly, and unwanted. All I do is think about life without me there. I just feel invisible at home and at school. I have no friends after the whole relationship fell apart. Everyone took anyone elses side but mine. No one but one person took my side. I look into the mirrior everyday and see nothing but an ugly girl who gets cheated on because she isn't good enough for any guy. Not even a good enough girlfriend to a guy who's never had a girlfriend, he still cheats on me.

So....what I'm asking is, how if I can , get over this low-self-esteem? Any Ideas? and suggestions? Please help me out! Winter is coming up and I don't think I can keep up this way for longer. Winter just makes things worse for me.

Former Member

Nope, it's probably because you subconsciously chose the guys who are trouble.

I found that I am always going for girls who either have boyfriends, or are not up for relationships, or I know probably don't like me back and on the other hand: Every girl I could have, or I have been who approached me was brushed off. Why you might ask? I am not sure, but a friend told me that I might be a freedom loving guy, which I think I am, because mostly I quitted my relationships because I was feeling caged and cut in my liberties. So that's why I don't want to bond and look deliberately for partners who don't want to bond either. Which is a pathological behavior.

You would not be the first girl I know deliberately going for the guys who usually mean trouble, ignoring all the other sincere guys, who are interested in them.

Former Member

Well...actually. I never picked the guys, they came to me. First bf was a blind date, second liked me and asked me out, the third one was yet another blind date, and the last one I had we were friends. The blind dates were setted up by my mother. She would know me best but she made a few mistakes choosing guys...

Former Member

Hello valenevengeance,
Things are looking pretty bad for you right now, and I cannot blame you. I understand fully how you feel, it's a hard cycle to get out of and to start building self-esteem. I'm sorry to hear that you've had bad luck in your past relationships, they sound like they're absolute pricks.

It's natural for us to sometimes look in the mirror and feel ugly, unwanted and just generally down when somebody we love and trust betrays us so harshly. Do not think it's all your fault, some people just don't realise how good they have it, so try not to think too negative!

It's times like these I feel your own mind is your worst enemy. These events must play over and over like a record inside your head putting you on a further spiral downwards. I understand you probably feel the least bit motivated, but in order to start building yourself back up you gotta keep yourself busy. Fill up that schedule even if it's just going out and about for walks to see where your feet take you. If you're busy, you won't think, and if you don't think they can't put you down! (As bad anyways!)

Time's a great healer, and although it may hurt for a long time, and things may feel that they're going from bad to worse each day you wake up your heart will slowly mend little by little they will begin to affect you less each day.

If these 'friends' of yours didn't stick by you, they weren't really friends. You can always make new ones, especially in the most unexpected places. Friends are a benefit in these times of need, but all you really need is yourself and to take control. Days will look brighter in the near-by future.

As winter is coming, it's a perfect excuse to go out, buy a new coat, clothes, shoes etc! So treat yourself, you deserve it! I hope this helps you in the slightest, or atleasts puts a smile on your face. It'd be great to hear from you further if you want to talk some more.

Best regards!
Dan

Former Member

Thanks guys. It's nice to get from a guys point of view. I'm slowly making progress. Soon I'll be soo busy I won't even notice my ex walking by me, as for the "other woman" I don't blame her, it wasn't her fault. I tlaked to a teacher, and she made me think about it. It wasn't my fault, not the other person's fault, it's the guy you were with fault. And yes it is. I'm starting to build my relationship with the other person much more then my ex. I think when I'm too busy to be around for him, he'll get the hint. He had the best girlfriend ever, someone who was willing to put up with tough times, someone who isn't that clingy yet still affectionate, someone who loved video games and understood "man time" consisted hours of video games and COD. But I do feel better about this. I jsut need to keep my self busy. Since december is coming up, I know I'll be really busy!!

Former Member

I don't want to repeat anything Crayo said, because I pretty much agree with all of it. But I wanted to say is that, to me... you have absolutely nothing to worry about. Looking at your picture I can see you are a good-looking person, but aside from that - seeing that you have the strength and intelligence to reach out on here and ask for advice. I know this mightn't make a difference, but I thought it might help to know a total stranger like me - a 16 year old boy whose miles away right now - can already see the worth in you without even scratching the surface.

Sorry to hear that you've been going through a rough time, I second the response Crayo gave and hope that it gets better for you soon