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True Love To Total Mess In Under 12 Hours
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I met my boyfriend a year ago, he had just been through a really messy breakup and wasn't looking for anything serious. Said that the girl had done terrible things to him, like involve his family in their silly rows and stuff. But we got together anyway. We fell madly in love very fast, but he was always very jealous and untrusting but I figured we'd work it out somehow because we were so in love. He moved in with me. Time sped along and we had worse and worse arguements he was always accusing me of cheating with some guy from work, or some male friend. I never ever cheated on him but he constantly called me untrustworthy. The arguements worsened. We started saying everything we could to hurt each other, but during the happy times we were as in love as ever before, like best friends.
Yesterday my bestfriend of 10 years got the train 4 hours to meet me for a bottle of wine and a bit of food (thats why shes my bestfriend). As we were leaving me and Matts place he gets a letter from the council summoning him to court for unpaid council tax.
I was meant to pay the council tax. So of course I'm all 'I'm so so sorry for forgetting' but he starts shouting so I tell him we'll discuss it when I get back from dinner.
Then I get the most hateful text ever saying I am more of a scumbag than his horrible ex even knew how to be, everyone would find out about what I've done, he's gonna make me suffer, I deserve to suffer, he's had enough of me, find somewhere else to sleep.
I went home and he'd locked me out the key the otherside of the lock
he let me in after awhile and I tried to speak to him to ask him why he locked me out but he ignored me so I went to bed. He followed me up after awhile raging at me calling me names telling me I was worthless and (this is wierd) he was going to ring my family in the morning and tell them 'WHAT ID DONE'. And then they would be so ashamed of me. Then he started demanding I get out of bed and I refused and he kept shouting at me too I kept saying no. Then he booted me across the room, where I lay on the floor in shock having hurt my leg, and start having a panic attack. Then he phoned my dad and said.
'Hi, i know its late but you need to come and get her. I'm washing my hands of her. I have the untmost respect for you and I'm sorry about waking you up but otherwise I will throw her out into the street'
Then my dad came and I cried on his chest in the car outside for ages while he wanted to go in and scream at the boyfriend, and wanted to call the police but eventually just took me home to the family home. This morning him and my mum took a zombie-fied tearful me back to clean the house out of me stuff, while the boy was at work. All day he text me how sorry he is, how much he loves me, how hes taken me for granted and he's so sorry and he cant stop crying -I ignored them all. Then he got home and saw I'd taken all my stuff, rung my homephone and told my mum he wants the cat back and the money for the council tax bill and if the cat isnt returned in a few hours then he'll be round here. My dad wants to fight him bless him, but he mostly just wants to give the cat back. But she's mine too, we got her together when she was a tiny kitten and I'm her mum and I don't want to hand her over to him.
Why has this happened?
Why did he phone my dad like that? It was awful, like I was property to be disposed of.
Why did he switch from declaring his true love and heartbreak to being businesslike?
What should I do?
Yesterday my bestfriend of 10 years got the train 4 hours to meet me for a bottle of wine and a bit of food (thats why shes my bestfriend). As we were leaving me and Matts place he gets a letter from the council summoning him to court for unpaid council tax.
I was meant to pay the council tax. So of course I'm all 'I'm so so sorry for forgetting' but he starts shouting so I tell him we'll discuss it when I get back from dinner.
Then I get the most hateful text ever saying I am more of a scumbag than his horrible ex even knew how to be, everyone would find out about what I've done, he's gonna make me suffer, I deserve to suffer, he's had enough of me, find somewhere else to sleep.
I went home and he'd locked me out the key the otherside of the lock
he let me in after awhile and I tried to speak to him to ask him why he locked me out but he ignored me so I went to bed. He followed me up after awhile raging at me calling me names telling me I was worthless and (this is wierd) he was going to ring my family in the morning and tell them 'WHAT ID DONE'. And then they would be so ashamed of me. Then he started demanding I get out of bed and I refused and he kept shouting at me too I kept saying no. Then he booted me across the room, where I lay on the floor in shock having hurt my leg, and start having a panic attack. Then he phoned my dad and said.
'Hi, i know its late but you need to come and get her. I'm washing my hands of her. I have the untmost respect for you and I'm sorry about waking you up but otherwise I will throw her out into the street'
Then my dad came and I cried on his chest in the car outside for ages while he wanted to go in and scream at the boyfriend, and wanted to call the police but eventually just took me home to the family home. This morning him and my mum took a zombie-fied tearful me back to clean the house out of me stuff, while the boy was at work. All day he text me how sorry he is, how much he loves me, how hes taken me for granted and he's so sorry and he cant stop crying -I ignored them all. Then he got home and saw I'd taken all my stuff, rung my homephone and told my mum he wants the cat back and the money for the council tax bill and if the cat isnt returned in a few hours then he'll be round here. My dad wants to fight him bless him, but he mostly just wants to give the cat back. But she's mine too, we got her together when she was a tiny kitten and I'm her mum and I don't want to hand her over to him.
Why has this happened?
Why did he phone my dad like that? It was awful, like I was property to be disposed of.
Why did he switch from declaring his true love and heartbreak to being businesslike?
What should I do?
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Comments
Regardless of if someone promises not to do something again, or act in a certain way, once they have done it then you know they are capable of it.
I think now might be a good time to cut ties. It doesnt matter if you got back together or not, or how many times he says sorry and even if he is genuine about it, if he was that sorry about it, he wouldnt have acted in the way he did.
Even though you have had your arguments in the past, the way he has somehow suddenly turned into quite a scary character, and then back again, says TROUBLE to me with big capital letters.
He has hurt you physically and mentally, and my personal opinion is that you need to stay strong and not fall into the trap of taking him back because of feelings you may still have for him.
None of us will know 100% why he acted and behaved the way he did, even though a few of us might have been through similar circumstances. You can ask him about it, but whether he was honest or not, would it make a difference? Also if he had a messy breakup in the past and his ex was such a cow, surely he should know not to be like that himself, makes me think that his ex might have been a lot nicer than he says.
Afterall he seems to have gone off on one and threatened to tell your family all about what you are "really like" as if he has got some warped view in his head.
......Exactly whats been running through my mind.
He rather sounds like an insecure, aggressive, abusive dick to me.
I wrote the above before I finished your post, and now where I finished it:
He is an aggressive, worthless, abusive asshole and if you feel still drawn to him after SUCH a treatment you are the super insecure no confidence girl that just matches up perfectly with those guys. So either wake up and save yourself, or go back for some more.
If my partner just as much as purposely locks me out, shouts at me for no reason, shoves me around, or threatens to throw me out I call it the quits the next second.
No trust in a relationship isn't a relationship at all.
If the subject of ex's comes up in conversation, talk about it once, be truthful and calm, but get over it.
Thats how I look at it.
my dad made me text him just to say that i wasnt going to speak to him tonight, we'd discuss the cat and stuff tomorrow. and i havent heard ANYTHING back since. which is really wierd cos he's a text a minute kinda guy.
i dont see why i should give the cat back. it was my house first, and he threw me out. so i loose my house, AND the cat?! not fair.
i'm so wierded out by his silence.... what is he DOING.
I mean in all honesty I want nothing more to do with him. But still I'm upset, we did live together for about 10 months y'ano, so why isnt he sad about it.
my dad is really convinced he'll come to the door tonight at some point and he wants to deal with him man to man type thing... I can't believe I've brought this rubbish to my parents doorstep.
Its funny how it happened the nite your friend came to see u, i think this guy is insecure jealous and very odd!! And for someone to change soooo quickly a bit mad as well!! Get yourself away from him if it means giving up stuff like the cat and house at the end of the day these are material things ( not the cat) but i think in years to come u will look back and realise what a lucky escape u had my husband would never ever hit kick or speak to me or threaten me like your boyfriend has done, people who love us treat us well!!
Goodluck it may seem like the end of the world right now but trust me things will get better for u, i was once in an abusive relationship, i got out of it and met my hubi he is the nicest guy on this planet
im sorry to hear that you had to go through that. As others have said
I do agree that it is very lucky you have your family's support as you go through this tough time. I know it will be hard not to get in contact with him, its natural to want answers as to this behaviour that has seemingly come out of nowhere, but its true what the others have said, now you know he's capable of such awful behaviour, he will definatley do it again if you do chose to go back with him.
I hope you're ok, let us know what happens.
xoxo
But today I heard he had a party the day I signed the house into his name. He says it wasnt a party he just wanted to see his friends to cheer him up, but I heard he didn't seem upset at all.
So he was texting me today saying he doesnt want to sleep with anyone else only me and I felt like.............. is that all it boils down to in the end? really? Not, he desperately wants us to meet up so he can say he's sorry. He'll do anything to make it up to me. Just; he doesnt fancy having sex with anyone else yet and it'd be good to have sex with me again.
It's so horrible. I thought we would be together forever, I thought we'd grow out of our problems, get married, have babies and be happy together. But he totally messed it up, and i'll never forgive him, i'll never get back with him.
But it's really hard to stop loving him. Some of the replies I had on the post made me realise how pathetic it is that I still love him, but I do. I totally hate myself for it. I still can't really eat, I can't sleep. I ended up quitting my job the other day, I hated it anyway and just couldn't face going in.
He texted me today and said it's tearing him apart not comforting me and wondering where I am. Thats all I want at the moment is the comfort from the one person who caused all this.
I really hope that it IS tearing him apart
p.s. I'm keeping the cat:)
And don't hate yourself for still thinking about him, it's very natural and common and hardly anyone else can prevent this from happening. General rules to get over someone apply: Stop being in contact with him in any way (tell him to stop texting you), delete him from FB and stuff and keep yourself surrounded with friends and/or family and general have company of people who can distract you.
this :thumb:
i know its gonna be really hard but even delete his number to stop temptation of getting in touch, if you cut him off at least you wont have to know about the parties he has etc. which are only going to make you feel worse
hope your doing ok *hug*
It is very hard to be going through what you have gone through and are still going through. You did the right thing by leaving in order to protect yourself from the verbal and physical violence that he did to you that night. You also suffered from a panic attack amongst other upsetting feelings and you did not deserve it - no one does.
It was probably a good thing that he called your father as you probably needed someone there that night.
You are obviously still mending at the moment and time can only make things feel a little better. Patience is very important and as you are feeling down and depressed at the moment try to let your family and friends be here for you.
If you would like to speak to a professional about this there are a couple of anonymous helplines that you could contact, such as saneline and the samaritans.
Keep being strong and please do not hesitate to keep posting here.
Good luck x
So last night was the first date night, I went round there and he'd cooked, made the place look lovely with candles and was generally being a total gentleman. I felt dead inside. I didn't feel like me at all, and everything felt wrong. We had sex which was absolutely incredible and fell asleep cuddled up. When I woke up this morning I knew I couldn't do it again.
It's like something inside of me has died. I still love him but it's wrecked I don't want to try. I think what died was trust.
I told my bestfriend and she said she was disappointed in me, and that I should've stuck to my guns and that I've let him get away with it and that he's won. I was trying to talk to her about how i felt wrong inside about him, but she wouldnt listen just saying 'I've heard it all before, you're going to get back with him, I don't know why I bother supporting you'. Which is RUBBISH because whenever she has a problem all I do is listen and try to help. I don't ever try to tell her what to do.
But yeah anyway, he was texting me about how happy he was to get another chance to have me in his life, how fit i am, how much he loves me; and I just had to say 'I do love you but we're not meant to be, I thought it might be right but I was wrong.'
And I know in my heart that thats it.
But I might re-think my choice of bestfriend y'ano.
sorry ur friend was not supportive, maybe have a talk with her and explain how you feel u do help her and listen and would like her to do the same?
I have seen it too many times where people have been going through something similar to what you are, and have broken up and got back together more times than the number of people using a busy tube station during rush hour, and when you approach them about it for the x(th) time and get the same response, what else do you do? Sometimes people need a bit of a reality check.
Now I'm not saying this is the situation that you are in at all, however it might give you a little bit of an insight into how your friend is feeling, whether they are doing so rightly or wrongly.
Your friend seemed a bit hasty with her judgement that you would go back with him, you should just phone her and put her straight, don't let her get a word in edgeways until you've finished. You shouldn't lose your bestfriend over the breakup too.
:yippe: so glad you get to keep your fur baby.
You poor thing. Despite everything, it is going to be hard at first - in a way it's like a bereavement - you are getting used to not having him in your life any more and of course you will miss him. Be as gentle as you can with yourself and allow yourself time to grieve. Look after yourself and try and do things that you know make you happy.
*hug*
I said to him to get counselling, get anger management, speak to his family about his issues, and then I'll meet up with him in a month and see how we both feel.
He's promised to do it, he says he wants to change desperately and he'll never love anyone as much as he loves me etc.etc. But we'll see.
I think I've done the right thing, what do you think?
He said 'is there someone else?'
I said 'no theres noone else'
He said 'You don't love me like I love you otherwise you'd know.i'm sorry i bothered you with all this.'
and
'You're just using me somewhere along the lines you've stopped caring about me I love you but you don't. I'm noones joke. Not dramatic just being real with you.'
I said 'Ok if thats how you feel thats fine.'
'It is.no but your treating me like a joke!night'
I THOUGHT HE WAS GONNA TRY! :banghead: :grump:
he slept with someone else last night.
Why did he beg me back just to do this???
It's hard to second guess why people behave the way they do. I'd imagine he is probably hurt and confused, perhaps realising that he has messed this up with you and looking for consolation elsewhere. Maybe he wants to hurt you. We don't know and probably never really will so, although it's easier said than done, perhaps your thoughts and emotions are better spent elsewhere rather than wasting it on him?
In a way, wondering about him and his motivations is tying you to him a bit. It sounds like you are being incredibly strong in the actions you are taking to help you move forward so, if you can, try not to let his behaviour get in the way of this. When he gets into your head, push him out again and focus on something more positive.
Well done again for getting to where you are now, sounds like this has been a really complicated and difficult experience and I'm full of admiration for the way you have been coping with it